Showing posts with label Turkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Turkey. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The most noble bird...

As is the tradition during this time of year, the noblest of birds is prepared and stuffed. As we can see from the picture, the Turkey has always held a very special place in American folklore, being an astute bird with obvious political proclivities.
It was Ben Franklin, who first noted the Turkey as being fowl with a fondness for freedom.


"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

"With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country . . .

"I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America . . . He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."

So make sure you stuff the defender of freedom with the best stuffing possible:

My Mom's Famous Recipe

1 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cups chopped onions
1 1/2 cups chopped celery
6 cups diced, tart apples (green/old granny)
2 teaspoons of salt
1 cup sugar
6 cups of small bread crumbs (herb seasoned)

In large pan combine butter, apples, celery and onions. Sprinkle with salt and sugar. Cook for 10 minutes until apples are browned all over. Add bread cubes.
Yields 12 cups.

"De mi propia cosecha

si haces el doble, no dobles la sal, a lo mejor la mitad pero primero pruebalo. Toma mas de 10 minutos a que agarren color las manzana, al menos en Colorado. Una vez que este todo revuelto incluyendo pan, le pones ya sabes que. Vino blanco, siempre cocina con vino barato. Abusado con el vino si le pones mucho te queda muy aguado.

Si tu vas a rellenar el pavo, antes de poner el relleno untas adentro del pavo mantequilla con seasoned salt y sage y tambien afuera. Abusado con la sal."

Now stuff it, you turkeys.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Cold Turkey

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As an Armenian, or rather, as someone who's residence in Glendale and copious body hair was often mistaken for Armenian, I am passingly familiar with the Armenian Genocide, and the desperate plight of the Armos at the hands of the pre Attaturk, Ottoman Turks during WW thee Firste.

As far as i am given to understand, the (Ottoman) Turks rounded up 2 million Armenians for "Deportation" and 1.5 of them conveniently died en route. Nasty nasty lot, those Ottomans. After The "Great" War, the allies spanked all the naughty axisss pretty damn well. Germany had to pay out the nose, the Kaiser abdicated, the Austro-Hungarian Empire ceased to exist and was partitioned into incredily troublesome little states (Serbia, Bosnia, Endor), and the Ottomans were also disbanded. To the great fortune of Europe and all the cutures thas collide at the bosporous, the man who took the reigns of a throttled Turkey was a great man named Kamil Attaturk. He developed Turkey into a prosperous, secular, democracy, fully understanding that a place so steeped in religion, can only be peacful without it.

Since then, Turkey has been our friend and ally. A part of NATO, and even a grudging helper in our bullshit invasion of Iraq, they grumpily allowed us to invade through the north by passing through their airspace. Turkey is cool by us, right? But today, they called back their ambassador and are throwing a world-class hissy fit, over the congressional vote to aknowledge the Armeian genocide of nearly a century ago.

Now, here's the thing. WTF? I mean, WTF? I thought that the Germans had established the rule for international fuckupery. You can fuck up really hard, but at the end you have to say "Sorry", and you have to mean it. That's it. Now deportation and Genocide are hugely different, I get that. But come ON! Let's call it like it is. Everyone except the biggest assholes in the world have accepted the genocide as , well.. a genocide. Check out this handy map of all the US states whos legislatures have accepted the Genocide.

usa-gen

As you can see, only the "DIck" states, have refused to accept the fact (With Hawaii just not giving a Dervish's Fart). But even some traditional "Dick"states have accepted the facts , which is huge when you consider their aversion to them (Facts, not Dick).

So, what's the big deal?

Let's say you're Ted the Turk, you don't admit to anything, you preserve whatever macho bullshit you need to preserve, and the whole world is slightly pissed at you, but hey we're all friends here, right?

If you're Armo Armakian, you're stil going to be pissed at the Turks and everyone knows they've got genocide issues, so there, take comfort in that.

What strikes me, is the pissy reaction from Turkey. Phrases like "Hardball" or "you'll be sorry" have been flung around diplomatic circles like in an Alabama High School commencement speech. Now, I expect that from our "Plaintalking, "Folksy, and "Reatrded" President. But Turkey? Really? It sounds like our little vote struck a cord with the Turks.

The overreaction is not dissimilar to the reaction i got from Larry Craig's "I'm Not Gay" speech.

Whoa! Whoa! Larry, no one is saying you're GAY. We're just saying you got caught soliciting cop cock in a public toilet.

A similar reaction to the Paultards with my previous post.

Hey Paultards, I didn't say the doctor was a facist, racist, asshole. I just said that his voting record tends to appeal to facist racist assholes.

So Turkey, fuckin' relax. If you're so sure there was no wrongdoing, why all the melodrama?

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