Monday, December 22, 2008

Sunday: Parte the Seconde (Ye Mall of Chapel Hills)

I hate malls. When I go out I like a certain amount of civility and control over the type of people I'm going to be interacting with. In LA, for example, I only come in contact with Persian teenagers at the Beverly Center or Grove, suffice to say that specific demographic is not in my social circle. That's in LA, where they have Mac stores, and reasons to go to the mall. Chapel Hills mall holds nothing but people I'd never interact with and stores I'd never shop at. Naturally, I took pictures.

What's so interesting about this young lad checking out the wares at the board game store? Well, considering the fact that the wind chill is making it feel like its 5 below outside, I figured i should share. Obviously he has no friends or family because he is carrying no coat and has not been told that once he steps outside he is going to DIE.

Here is a store i would never shop at in the mall where i could go and not buy..
If Jesus were holding a picture of her , holding a picture of Jesus, this painting could show us a shitty eternity. Instead, its just shitty.
In the middle of the mall is this beautifully adorned simulator. For $10 you can climb aboard this machine and feel what it is like to get ripped off. Love the Rape Van Orca motif, though.
If you don't get it, then you don't deserve to enjoy it.
The baby in the stroller couldn't believe that grown people could look like such dipshits. Those antlers stopped being appropriate always.
Get a head start on having your kids resent you.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sunday: A day in Three Acts (Act One: breakfast)

So this morning my Mom made us a Mexican breakfast. Traditionally this involves adding egg to whatever it is you'd regularly eat at a Mexican restaurant. Eggs taco, egg tostada, egg sopapilla, egg cinnamon twists etc. "But, Alf! Aren't you an Arab?"
No no, i just have a hairy back. But your confusion about my ethnicity is not without merit. Check out this particular shelf of festivity in our house.


That's a Mexican Nativity scene, a dreidel, a Menorah, and five bears. To answer your question though, I am an Atheist.

As the mexican food was being prepped, we listened to Mariachi music and donned a sombrero..really. We do those kinds of things.
My mom greased, cheesed and chilied some fantastic huevos, while we all sampled.

Then some Mexican hot chocolate and we were all energized for phse two...THE MALL...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Hidden Beauty at Sam's club

So after a lengthy trip, we finally made it to CO. Naturally my mom needed to feed us an enormous amount, and where did she take us? To my progressive shock, she took us to buy in bulk from union basher Sam Walton's mega deluxe superstore. All Angelino pretense aside, I found it oddly exhilarating. There is something amazing to see so much of everything. Check it out.

Cheez balls are awful. But great! But truly awful. But then they come in a "Barrel" and become great all over again.

Ferrero Rocher was always my favorite Euro-Trash confection. Then it came to the USA and I was happy, then i saw a WALL of FR at Sam's Club and it blew my mind.

OMG! OMG! OMG! That's what she said!

So I bought a hot dog and a Cherry Coke for $1.50 which was awesome because the hot dog and the Coke were enormous. The Lady who sold it to me was this super sweet elderly lady who should be serving cocoa somewhere with better lighting rather than dishing out weiners to people like me. The hairnet made her look sad, but the dawg was huge and they have an awesome chopped onion dispenser that chops fresh onions for you when you turn the handle.

Nice Lady, bad lighting.

Turn clockwise, get onions.

GIANT Hotdog and Coke.

The whole giant warehouse was being cleaned constantly by teenage girls driving concrete zambonis. This girl waited for me to get out of the way while i was taking my hotdog picture. I smiled, she looked confused and continued to drive her cleaning machine.

The Holidays, in bulk.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Muppets, Christmas and an Observation

Is it me, or are Vice President-elect Joe biden and Sam "The American" Eagle very similar in looks?

Enjoy the Show, Folks!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bettie Page (April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008)

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," -Hef

Her later life was marked by depression, violent mood swings and several years in a state mental institution. While she faded into obscurity in the 1960s after converting to Christianity and serving as a Baptist missionary in Angola[5], she experienced a resurgence of popularity in the 1980s and had a significant cult following. Her look, including her jet black hair and trademark bangs, has been iconic within the rockabilly subculture and has influenced many artists.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

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