Wednesday, February 27, 2008

William Frank "Bill" Buckley, Jr. November 24, 1925 – February 27, 2008

What can I say? The man was a total dick. From his comments about tattooing AIDS victims to his puckered up, stick up his bum, FAKE New England accent, the man was a stalwart conservative with all the friendliness and compassion which that connotes. . He was the original talking head, and an ugly one at that. Have fun with the Rev. Jerry.


Some fun William F. Buckley quotes:

“The Beatles are not merely awful. They are so unbelievably horrible, so appallingly unmusical, so dogmatically insensitive to the magic of the art, that they qualify as crowned heads of antimusic.”

“The central question… is whether the White community in the South is entitled to take such measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and culturally, in areas in which it does not predominate numerically? The sobering answer is Yes…."

“ Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I’ll sock you in you goddamn face and you’ll stay plastered."

Such a charmer.

***UPDATE 3/25
Gore Vidal chimes in more eloquently than i ever could, on his former critic.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Teodoro Kennedy: Mistico Cantante del Norte

Know the songs, know the people.

I recall a few years back when my friend Jimu and I were at Oktoberfest. We had a hell of a time, and with my sparse German I was able to pick up on a few of the songs. Knowing full well that "Rosamunde" is also "Roll out the Barrell" and drinking a hell of a lot of beer, I was asked several times if I was German. To look at me, is to know damn well that the answer is "Not even remotely", though my Grandmother claims certain Austro Hungarian ancestry which has not been verified.

No, I am as Mexican as "Cielito Lindo". Nonetheless the elderly Germans around me decided that i MUST be German, how else would I know the songs?

Well, I make a point of learning THE song of THE country I'll be visiting. "Tulips in Amsterdam" , "Granada", "Kalinka", " La Vie en Rose", "Jambo Bwana", "Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport", "Oh Canada!", "God Save Ireland", and dozens more that I have stashed away in the recesses of my noodle, and most if not all I can sing in their native tongue.

I've found that nothing forms a more solid bond across nations than being able to join in a rowdy drunken song. It immediately changes you from "Foreigner" to "Friend", and the proof is in the pudding. As soon as I sent this to my parents they were not only hilariously thrilled, but they forwarded it to their spanish-speaking friends. Ted Kennedy knows the importance of a good rowdy song when you are trying to be inclusive and in his own silly way, ted Kennedy was as Mexican as "Jalisco no te Rajes".

If you want to try and decipher Senator Kennedy's Spanish you can find the Lyrics to "Jalisco No te Rajes" HERE

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

What The Hell is Wrong With Chuck E. Cheese?

Ronald McDonald is a dork. There's no two ways about it, as this street ad from Japan well indicates. hipronald
No matter how "Dope" Ronald tries to be, he's still the doofy clown that Ray Kroc mistakenly assumed would appeal to children.
Bless his yellow-jump-suited soul, no amount of guitar slinging, or even a long sleeved T-shirt version of his smock can hide the inherent dorkiness, and his general lack of appeal to teenage asian girls. So what the hell is wrong with Chuck E.Cheese? For those of us who were fortunate enough to enjoy all incarnations of Chuck E. Cheese and the whole Pizza/Video Games/ Animatronics franchise thingy, We were familiar with Chuck, and a Weird Badger/Bear hybrid named "Billy Bob" who inhabited Showbiz Pizza Franchises only.character_billybob
As a kid, I remember longing for the slick character I knew as Chuck E. Cheese. The Nightmarish Billy-Bob, with his one-tooth and his improvised instruments were only indicative of the podunk nature of my town. Having experienced the glory of Chuck in larger, and obviously more deserving cities, I knew what we were missing.

For those of you who have NO IDEA of what I'm pining for, check this out.

This is the Old-school Chuck E. Cheese logo. Atop the old-timey marquis stands a Bowler Hat donning, red vested rodent named Chuck-E. Cheese. That's right, the Chuck I knew wore a red bowler hat. Not fashionable, by any means, but there you had it. In 198whatever, people didn't run around in red bowlers, wearing vests. In fact, I'm pretty sure bowlers were generally discontinued around the great depression, when most people ate theirs. But, what the hey! I mean if you can pass off vermin and food together, you might as well dress it old-timey so as to take away the whole "Infestation" feel to the place.
So if you are a pizza company, and you have the audacity to make this RAT your mascot, you dress it in clothes reminiscent of a time where bubonic plague was not yet eradicated, and people aren't running away in absolute terror, why mess with a winning formula? The answer is simple. You do it, because you are fucking retarded.

The geniuses at The Chuck/Billy-Bob/Show-Biz/Pizza/ Foot-Smell/ HQ, decided that their INSANE Rat-mascot, needed an update. So rather than present the clean cut look of a rat on a bowler a vest and bow tie, they opted for a more "Urban" and "Youthful" look to their Vermin mascot. The result was a nauseating mix of what fifty-year olds thought kids were like in the early nineties, and clothes designed by child-labor in Vietnam.
Christ, it gives me the dry heaves just to look at it.
So let me get this straight. Yu took a classic character and gave it what? A Skull Cap? What is that? A purple rodent Yarmulke? Oh no! I see! It's a baseball cap! Backwards. A Backwards baseball cap. Right. As worn by who? Old-timey garbage men?Picture 2
Fine. you chose the dipshit headgear, but what the hell? Green? Fuck you! Green AND purple? with Driving gloves? What the hell man? So he's a garbage man, who drives the truck and belongs to team C? Obviously people complained. Which is why the same team of clueless fucktards came up with the brand new look that Chuck sports today!
Nice. Again that backwards cap we love so well, though mercifully it isn't a skullcap anymore. Still belonging to to team "C" but now, more aware and with the times, sporting "Fat-Person" Jeans, to blend in with the kids and, some pink sneakers for the gays. Chuck, look at Ronald. Now look at yourself. Ronald is wearing a yellow one-piece, striped socks and kabuki makeup, and he still looks like a badass. His look , iconic. Your look , Midwest casual circa 95'.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Shave

As someone who makes his living in the entertainment industry, i have been one of the many hard-working people that were hit by the strike, but were not particularly a writer or a mogul. The majority of us supported the WGA, and the incredible victory of a union over enormous corporate interests in the United States, especially in the current political climate, is not lost on us.

However, there is no way of describing the incredible relief i felt this week when I witnessed a spot of normalcy return to my workday as people go back to work.

This is my humble tribute and expression of joy as I finally rid myself of my hairy defiance.

The Professional Shaving of a 3 month Strike-Beard

After: IMG_0569

Monday, February 11, 2008

We're Going to need a smaller boat.

Roy Richard Scheider
November 10, 1932 – February 10, 2008
Chief Brody of the Amity PD and Bob Fosse impersonator extraordianiare, has shuffled off his mortal coils due to a gnarly Staph infection.

Bye Bye Life.


Friday, February 08, 2008

The kids these days..

Oh dear friends.

I'm going to lay off the politics for a moment, to bring you a little of what's what in the world of entertainment.

Please enjoy this lovely bit from our new intern Kelly. Kelly is 19 and thought this was the funniest shit she's ever seen.

Admittedly, i was skeptical at first, but the thing is pretty damn funny if you give it a moment.

Away from the girlishness, and back to some politickin' (Did you really think I would TOTALLY lay off?)

Jackie and Dunlap are two good ol' boys from Tennesee who have a hilarious show on YOU TUBE called RED STATE UPDATE. Obviously there is a Liberal slant to it, but its done in such an honest and sincere way, that even Republicans like Ol' Fred Thompson, have been known to call in. Dig this classic, right after the New Hampshire Primaries.

How bout some tunes, eh?
Serge Gainsbourg is the tail end of my French kick, but dig this groovy Reggae(?) tune.

Finally, something a little more mainstream.
You may recognize Yael Naim's music from the new Mac Air commercials, but don't let that turn you off. the Song NEW SOULis wonderful and the video ties it all up.

Tomorrow, I will be heading to THE SHAVE in Beverly Hills, and pending the Vote from the WGA, i will have my strike beard professionally shaven, with my brother there to document the whole ordeal.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Yes We Can!

Tomorrow is "Super Tuesday", and there's been a lot of screaming and shouting from me as to why you should vote for Senator Obama. I figured I'd chill out today, and let the Senator's own words do the speaking for me (Or singing).

The choice for us all should be clear. It is a choice between the good memories of yesterday, or the limitless possibilities of a better tomorrow.

Get the MP3

Friday, February 01, 2008

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