30 years ago...

In the News:

US Supreme Court rules that blacks and other minorities are entitled to retroactive job seniority (March 24).
Ford signs Federal Election Campaign Act (May 11).
US Supreme Court rules that death penalty is not inherently cruel or unusual and is a constitutionally acceptable form of punishment (July 3).
Nation celebrates Bicentennial (July 4).
Mysterious disease strikes American Legion convention in Philadelphia, eventually claiming 29 lives (Aug. 4).
Jimmy Carter elected US President (Nov. 2).

Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot becomes prime minister (and virtual dictator) of Cambodia after Prince Sihanouk steps down (April 2).
Israeli airborne commandos attack Uganda's Entebbe Airport and free 103 hostages held by pro-Palestinian hijackers of Air France plane; one Israeli and several Ugandan soldiers killed in raid (July 4).
19-month civil war ends in Lebanon after threatening to escalate to global level (Nov.). MAN! Some things NEVER change...



Top grossing films:

Rocky
To Fly!
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
All the President's Men, starring Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford
The Omen, starring Gregory Peck and Lee Remick
The Bad News Bears
Silent Movie
Midway
Murder by Death
Jaws (re-release)
Blazing Saddles (re-release)
Lucky Lady
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

STUFF:
Matsushita introduces the VHS home video cassette recorder to compete with Sony's Betamax system.
Super Bowl X:January 18 Pittsburgh Steelers won 21-17 over the Dallas Cowboys
Mama Mia by ABBA spends 14 weeks on the top ten charts...Fernando has 16 weeks that same yr.

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY!!!

A Happy Birthday to Adult film Star Miss JADA FIRE, who turns the big three oh today.

May the 40 plus booty continue to work for you long into the future.

Is there a draft in here?

Oh mercy, it's that time of year again. My Denver Broncos accoutrement are neatly pressed and ready for the donning, the air is become crisp, and my birthdate is nigh. So needless to say, I have football on the brain.

This year, the third placed Colorado Gonzo are making a bit of a hobbled comeback. With a fourth round draft pick all eyes are on Tiki Barber and Eli (Yeah, the other Manning.) to pull us through what may be a rough rough season since my unfortunate roster includes a few retirees, a one legged dwarf, a blind hunchback and the Greenbay Defense . But the fun is in the sport and the shit talking. And if my beloved Broncos have taught the world anything, it's not to dismiss Colorado teams.

In honor of the true national pastime I will post my favorite football related commercials on TV.

Go Broncos! Go Bears! Go Gonzo!



* This is Drew Rosenhaus, Terrel Owen's Agent, which makes this even more HI larious



Damn Peyton, and Damn the Colts to a frigid hell, but this spot is pretty damn funny.





Ah Terry.

Go Broncos.

Somewhere in Pakistan...

HOLY CRAP!!

So In my newfound freedom and indulgance of Nerdery, I have come across the three lost clips from the original STAR WARS.
Oh yes, these are legit, and I'm pretty sure they won't last long on YOU TUBE so get them while they're hot.







So bitches, who shot first?

Indiana Tramp and The Temple of Modern Times

Edna
Uploaded by tamalougbobola

Coffee? Soda? Death?

Calculate the amount of caffeine ut would take to kill you with THIS handy and morbid calculator.

ZOD 2008

I think I've found a candidate that both Republicans and Democrats can agree on...MUST AGREE ON.

GENERAL ZOD FOR PRESIDENT 2008

While in Silverlake/ Echo Park

Joyeux Fete Nationale!

Ce jour glorieux, nous remeber comment nos frères frogs ont essayé de nous imiter en leur révolution. Naturellement elle a fini vers le haut de devenir un euro-trash baisent vers le haut, mais néanmoins nous aimons nos frogs, et tiendrons pour toujours près de nos coeurs la dette de l'honneur sur Lafayette.

Vive la France!

He never had a dinner.

1919-2006






Red Buttons has shuffled off his mortal coil, and he never had a dinner.

Prae Omnia Fraterinitas

Since the beggining of time, men have sought the company of other men for the purpose of donning silly costumes, and engaging in masculine and certainly not gay comaraderie.


Those of you who read my thesis THE MASON JAR(The Decline of Freemasonry and Civic Engagement in America 1945-1995), and those who skipped the thrilling prose but were perhaps members of the Benevolent Friars of UNC, know all too well my odd obsession with ridiculous costuming and meaningless ritual.



True to my nature, as I lope towards the benchmark; thirty years of Etre', I've considered joining one of these brotherhoods myself. The Lions and Eagles are frontrunners at this moment, since there is familial attachement, but the truth is I hesitate to join these groups because of the inherently conservative tone they tend to take. The Shriners/Masons freak my shit out. Not because they are soooo secret and huuge and powerful and conspiratorial, but mostly because they are soooo white.



So i continue my search for the proverbial "Band of Brothers" with whom i can bond and contribute to my community, and I stumble across THIS crazy motherfucker.



HOLY CRAP! How do i get in on this? Not only is this bastard wearing the most batshit crazy hat i've ever seen (IS THAT A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT DANGLING IN THE FRONT?), but he's been pinned with all sorts of Rats of NIHM Sparkleys, and the Fucking Headpiece to the Staff of Ra'! Not to mention the cape with the molting feathers/ermin. Can you imagine this shit in COLOR? I think I ruined my pants.

To boot, he's CROSSEYED! The brass pair it takes to wear this rennaisance festival jester goes to prom ensemble, while so crosseyed that you can check both ways simultaneously before crossing the street, is the sort of stuff i want to be a part of.

So i do some research! Ohhhh shiit. There's TONS of these guys! In The Netherlands I think.
Check it out:

SOCIETY OF CRAZY FUCKERS

As far as I figure from their WEBSITE, about twelve of these Dutch lunatics, a "Minister" called "Minister van Alcoholiese Zake", and two chicks dressed like Colonial Sluts gather every so often, get baked and hammered and then dress in various costumes and entertain children at the local elementary school.

Two questions:

1. Is there a chapter of De Wortelpin Heijenin LA?

2. Who's in?

UPDATE!!!




Oh no THEY DID NOT! NO!


In my research, i was looking at pictures from these guy's events, and I came across this:



My mind reels in terror as i see the girl(?) in blackface, and my heart skips a beat at the saucy Dutch rocker-chick.

Precisely the dicotomy I'm looking for in my fraternal order.

My Candle...

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh my friends
It gives a lovely light!

World Cup Soccer: Variations on a theme

And my nerd favorite.



FINIS

21 Deaf Mutes Rock My World

I though this complicated dance routine was neat to watch before i found out that it was performed by 21 deaf-mute performers who had to get in sync with each other purely though sign language. “The 1,000-hand Kwan-yin” is roughly “goddess of mercy” in the Buddhist culture.

A History Lesson

World Premiere: My Prison

My friend Dinah beat me to the marvel that is YouTube. As my first attempt at web cinema, I am exposing everyone to the space where I am confined for most of my life.

Ladies and gents..

My Prison!

Witchcraft!

Let's begin this by saying I don't spook easily. My distaste for the Horror genre is not due to the fact that I can't stomach fright and gore, but rather i can't stomach bad plots and inane babble. Not to say I don't appreciate a good gore fest, or clever methods of bloody and cruel death. Take FINAL DESTINATION; a fine film by all accounts, that suffers the indignity of some of the most spoon fed dialogue.

Dude: Wait, you mean Death is STALKING us?
Girl: YES! Death feels cheated, and so it's coming to get us.
Dude2: So what you're saying is we are being hunted by Death.
Dude: Like, being stalked in a way.
Girl: Right! For cheating it.
Dude2: So DEATH itself is stalking us for cheating it.
Dude: That's waay fucked up, right there.
Girl: Totally

A TANK ROLLS OVER THE GIRL

Dude: That's death for you.
Dude2: Always Stalking.

You get the point.

Furthermore, I don't believe in the supernatural. Oh, i'm open to it (Sort of) but the fact is that the people who see ghosts the most often, tend to be the people who wear pewter and crystals, and attend renaissance festivals. I'm not saying that you didn't see the apparition of your grandma just after she died, but, well...you didn't.

So My skeptical and unaffected resume laid out before you, I must now divulge that my world has been thrown into turmoil by two products I've recently seen on TV. Two items for sale that have shaken my foundation.They are advertised as normal everyday things that one should take as normal, but they are either miracles, or witchcraft. You choose.

First let's begin with THIS thing.


Holy Jesus fuck! Are you kidding me with this? A wand. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. A wand that you rub on your head, and its odorless and traceless oil-free content will miraculously cure you of a Migraine.

This is either a fuckiing spell-casting stick of black magic, a Crock of shit, or a severe toxin to be avoided. Migraines are caused by anything from Old Cheese (No Joke) to excess sleep. So HOW IN ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY can rubbing a stick on your forehead cure you of something caused by Caffeine, or Menses for that matter?

Bullshit or witchcraft? I may never know, because I'm not rubbing that thing on MY head.

This object, is my second connundrum.


It's not the notion of a Laser Level that freaks me to my very bowels. I speaka da laser. I had lazer tag as a kid, I have weilded a laser pointer in my day. I saw this movie ...I KNOW about lasers. Or do I?

As seen on TV, this very laser level also "Rounds Corners". Let me repeat that.
This thing rounds CORNERS!? WHAT? This is LIGHT! No mirrors, nothing, just happens to turn the corner if the wall does. The difference between this and Head on, is that perfectly normal people have attested to this MIRACLE as if it were an everyday thing. I Pose to you, that if Jesus were futzing about in Galillee and decided to bend light around a corner, we would all say "That Jesus, always doing crazy shit."
But for someone to be able to order it for 19.99, and have a stud finder included is more for my noodle to contain. Light bending, magic wands, 666, the OC, I'm starting to believe that the end times are nigh. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do on my box that lights up and brings the knowledge of the universe to my fingertips.

HAPPY 6/6/06

My influence spreads...

As I was driving to work in Hollywood this morning, I pulled up alongside this Semi. Now, I know it's difficult to make out but near the fron of the cab where the company ID is usually located, it said UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS FREIGHT TRANSPORT, and below it were sybols from the Klingon Empire, The Romulan Empire, The Ferengi Trade Federation, and as the picture shows...varying degrees of Starfleet insignia. As if i weren't tickled Nerd-Pink by this if you look slightly beyond the Uberdork stickers, there's also a football sticker... can you make that out? huh? Can you? Yeah, it's the Broncos. Those of you who know me, well, let's just say I ruined a perfectly nice pair of pants.