Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Antiques Roadshow

Appraiser: Hmmm, you can tell by the veneer that what we have here is a late seventies midwest chick. Now these are fairly common, but where did you find this one?

Dude: I found it in Los Angeles

Appraiser: I was going to SAY California! You see these markings on her fingers, this means she's a writer. Which increases the value tremendously.

Dude:Oh, wow!

Appraiser: So how much do you think she's worth?

Dude: I dunno. Like A movie and Sushi?

Appraiser: I would appraise this at at least a trip to Hawaii, if not maybe to Europe too.

Dude: Oh WOW!

Appraiser: Yeah, don't let this one go for anything less than a model or someone really really hot and brilliant.

Dude: Thanks!

Appraiser: No, thank YOU.


Appraiser: So, can you tell me what we have here?

Chick: This guy was given to me by my friend who was dating one of his friends. And his friend was a writer and he's a manager. I never really had him appraised, but he's sort of fun to have around the house.

Appraiser: Ok, well what you have here is a 76' dude,. Now, you see a lot of these around, but what makes this one interesting is that he originated in Mexico. Now if you lift the glasses and ignore the circumcision you can tell he's definitely a Mexico model but then the issues are all classic US mountain States. See how he likes beer and farts?

Chick: Oh wow! I was wondering about that because yeah, he speaks really elegantly, but then makes fart sounds in the car.

Appraiser: Yeah, that's pretty standard to all males. What makes this one interesting are two things, can you tell me what they may be?

Chick: Well he's really immature.

Appraiser: Yes, and that's usually an issue, but check this out.. in his pocket there's a business card. He's got a job, which means that it's not a loss, and you were telling me you found him in LA?

Chick: Yeah, friend of a friend.

Appraiser: Ok, see well now that means he's in a creative field and could very easily make it big. I wouldn't move in just yet, but he's bound to gain value. The market for these has been in high demand, oddly enough.

Chick: I know! I've had friends asking me where I got him!

Appraiser: Yeah, keep him around for a little while and see where the market takes him. But for now i wouldn't go further than a road trip. Maybe at auction, you could get some jewelry and commitment.

Chick: Wow. Ok, I intoduced him to my parents. But that's good to know.


Appraiser: Ok, can you tell us what you have here?

Dude: Well, I was at a garage sale, and I liked the look of this one so i picked her up, she looked a little down but i took her home and she cleaned up real nice, and here we are.

Appraiser: Well, i have to tell you we spotted you from across the room, and what you have here is a 70's Santa Barbara hottie in mint condition.

Dude: Really?

Appraiser: Yes. now i don't know if you're familiar with the 805, but in the late nineties many of these self destructed.

Dude: Yeah, I had heard something about that.

Appraiser: I have to say, I went over to my colleagues at the table and none of us has ever seen one of these in such good condition. Where did you find her?

Dude: At a garage sale in Los Angeles.

Appraiser: Well, there's some deeply rooted issues that came standard with this model, but the fact that she's been sitting in someone's cupboard makes this a pretty exceptional find. How much do you think she's worth?

Dude: Well, i was going to take her to the Geisha House, maybe jean shopping.

Appraiser: This one's a keeper.

Dude: A keeper?

Appraiser: Yes, we all agreed you need to hold on to this. What you have is a national treasure.

Dude: Wow! ..I need to sit down.


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