Friday, July 22, 2005

Hooray for...


My friend who works by the beach often comments on how strange "Hollywood People" are to outsiders, and how the town is often reffered to as Hollyweird. The remarks Irk me. I make a living in this town, and so do hundreds of normal people who eat, drink , sleep, and shit like everyone else. Of course we sell OUR shit. Anyway, I point out that beach communities are often ugly and prematuely aged due to sun damage, and that aloha floral prints went out in the late nineties.

Today, i got a rare dose of Hollywood at its most primal. All I can say, is that the desperation of an Actor who needs work, is a sad and sorry affair.

We get a call at 11:00 for an actor from Australia, who happens to be gay, and Asian. The role is of a Psychotic fashion Designer from Australia, of Asian persuasion, who is gay. Well, huzzah! The Day has come. Now mind you, this man is not a client. He's a friend of my boss, and this is a favor. Well, here's his opportunity. Unfortunately the Appointment is same day! Aiieee! In two Hours! Aieee Aieee! We call. His cell has been disconnected. We call his friend's house (Where he is staying), we talk...he has no car. My boss then offers to have me drive him.

Drive my new car? To the Disney Lot? And skip out on Work? On A Gorgeous day? Helllzyeah!

We drive there, and I get all giggly at the whimsy that surrounds the workers of the House of Mouse. We get to the place, sit down, and await his turn.

He goes into the office, and there's much screaming.

He comes out sniffling, and all flustered,
Whatever...Let's go.
We're walking out, and I notice he had a bottle.

"You got a bottle of wine out of it."

I quip.
He continues to walk and nods,

"And some Fake Blow,"
In pseudo surprise.

He then tells me he spit on and Licked the assistant who was reading with him.

Jesus Fucking Christ.
Does no one ever tell these monkeys, that you don't lick and spit on people for ANY reason?

So we get a PISSED I mean, PISSED call from the Casting Directors.
So we field calls back and forth all day on this idiot, and we get a phone call from Las Vegas. One of my Boss' friends has a great Australian Daredevil she needs to meet. He's going to jump over the sphynx of the Luxor on an ATV.

Fucking great. And maybe he'll whip it out and piss on the audience as he sails to his death.

Fucking Australians.
Fucking Actors.
Fucking Hollywood.

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