Sunday, June 19, 2005

Tomkat, Jacko, and Other Trite Obsessions

tomcruiseDancing MJThis month was a banner month for the trite obsessions and interests of the american populace..For starters the giggling, grinning, self- obsessed heap of motherlove known as Tom Cruise, has proposed to the doe eyed, b-lister formerly known as Katie Holmes (From this point on we will refer to her as Scientology Soul-Pod #49866 or 49866 for short). Kate and her diminuitive fiancee' have been stomping around the world in a toothy, mid-life crisis tour, spreading the gospel according to lunatic, and showing the rest of the world what hollywood already knew- That Tom Cruise is a gay dwarf with a science fiction fetish, who has no sense of humor. To boot, the much ballyhooed abroad but, hmmm...strangely neglected at home film starring the very scientologist of our dreams, has today announced that no critics will be allowed to see it untill it goes on wide release. Translation: Not even L. Ron Hubbard can save this turkey. I mean the film, not Tommy.

However, the official jumping of the shark by a once respected, but now bewildered and increasingly militant sex symbol wasn't enough, oh no, the trannie queen of pop himself made huge news this month. How badly must your career be going , when beating a charge of pederasty is considered a victory? Did the defense prove that Jacko was not a drooling pervert? No. Instead, the prosecution proved that the defendant and his family were bigger weasels than the famous Giant Weasel of Aberdeen. How can a DA base his entire case on a woman who put a finger into Wendy's chili? Not the same scam artist you say? Then you missed the point,and need to take a lap. Couple this with the hillarious hillbilly antics of Britney and Kevin "I'm gonna be a momma y'all!", and the ever shrinking binge and purge Richie/Lohan/Olsen hydra, and its enough to make you want to lick an outlet.

What truly shocks me is the amount of interest that the public seems to devote to these small-bus personalities, with Bentley wallets, and Hummer egos. Yes, me included. But I have two things going for me. Firstly I have the industry excuse, whereI need to be in touch with how the public sways in order to keep an edge in my phone-answering and copy-making. And secondly, i need to feed my inner bitch. However, what does the double stuff'd, chocolate dipped, peanut butter Oreo, demographic, care if Pauly Shore is dating Jenna Bush or not (Their publicists, have not returned my calls). I learned a shocking statistic from Bill "I'm gonna be a momma y'all!" Moyers. The gap between the rich and poor in this country, is equal to the gap in 1928. Ok, let's review a little history for those of you who tuned out when I invoked Bill Moyers.

1776: U.S is born
1928: Great Depression
2005: Tom Cruise gets engaged to Katie Holmes

The fact is, that this country is in a crisis. More debt, more inequality, more violence, more intolerance, annd the people who it affects the most sit idly by and suck the stuffing out of a hot-pocket with a straw. This lack of involvement and outrage, will affect the people who are blind to it the most. The people who's kids will be kept from college because of prohibitive costs. The people who will need social security because their savings were swallowed by credit-card debt, and hometown buffet. The people who will need medicare and medicaid, and even larger more inclusive socialised medicine because they developed diabetes after LOOKING at a Dominos Cheeseburer Pizza, and the Shamrock shake at McDonalds. I do sense that things will be getting a lot worse before they get better. Gas is supposed to climb to $3.00 this summer, we have an endless war on our hands, the number of kids killed in Iraq is about to equal the WTC death count, our economy is floundering, joblessness is up, and most terrifyingly, Paris Hilton is getting married. Jesus Christ, where's the defense of marriage act when you need it?BushFinger

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