There's no reason to think this is avoidable. I heard today that the pink and pudgy Newt Gingrich and the frothy Rick Santorum will be speaking at this thing and Donald Trump has threatened appear. Probably doing something awful and tacky because, hey, it's Donald Trump. The question is, can anything be done before this final descent into madness? Can we rescue any of our right-leaning friends and family before they become an episode of Honey Boo Boo on TLC?
We must try. As the loser John Kerry said, "The high road is not always the easiest way, but it is the right way." Or something like that. So here are my humble suggestions for reaching out to people before the RepCon
1. Stop calling them names like "stupid" or "redneck".
Those terms are offensive to illiterate bumpkins and it lumps all wingnuts into the yokel demo, which we know isn't true. We must be mindful that the Republican party is a diverse group of crotchety white people. Heartless Bankers and Closeted Preachers hate to be called "Stupid Redneck" and calling them that is not at all constructive.
2. Find Common Ground.
We can all agree that The Avengers was awesome, right? We can also all agree that sick people shouldn't be left to die because they are poor, right? Ok. Well, The Avengers was pretty awesome though.
3. Don't Mock Their Beliefs.
"The world was created in 7 days" "There are still WMDs hidden in the sands of Iraq" "There's no such thing as global warming" All those things sound so incredibly stupid to us that it's mind boggling. I mean it's almost inconceivably dumb to believe those things. There are parasitic worms in the Amazon who know better than that. No matter how backwards or stupid their beliefs, it is not constructive to mock people for being purposely ignorant to actual facts.
4. Offer Them Gay Sex.
Stay with me on this one. I know gays. I have often spoken to them and I watched The Birdcage the other night. Of the gays i know, none are as obsessed with gay sex as the Republicans seem to be. Actually, only one is, but only when he drinks. The logical conclusion to take from the gaysex fixation of the GOP is that they all want it desperately. They need it. So take a wide stance, and kindly offer. You needn't go out of your way to actually act on the offer, but you will probably have some good blackmail material.
Tell your conservo-pal them that you understand the importance of sticking to principle, that you understand their passion, you admire their ability to remain steadfast and you would welcome an honest debate. Remind them of the unseemly hoots and hollers of the republican primaries, the "You Lie" outbursts, and the ugly and racially tinged birthers. Point out that they are the party of Lincoln and that the obstructionist Tea Party crew in the house are doing them a disservice. Remind them they are better than all this garbage. Plead with them not to be a part of a party who is poised to nominate a man who stands for nothing other than being elected. Show them video of Mitt Romney saying anything and point out his uncomfortable demeanor and his dead eyes. At the very least, you'll get them to accept that Mitt Romney has no moral compass, and as we all know, acceptance is the first step to recovery.