One thousand years ago today ,or Friday, the 12th a terrible slave-trading murderer/imbecile who did not even know how to spell his own name, which is Latin for “asshole,” landed at the “Sandals” resort in Puerto Rico or some such Caribbean island and thought he was in Bangalore. What an idiot!

Seriously, Columbus was retarded. To his death, he was convinced the mountains of Cuba were the fucking Himalayas. George W. Bush is smart compared to Christopher Columbus, that’s how stupid Columbus was.

So on his third journey to the “Wrong India” he set up a death camp for all the “Indians” who were actually Carib tribespeople known for their colorful reggae hats and “ganja.” He killed all of those people and also many Spaniards, who finally overthrew his cruel regime and sent his ass back to Spain, where he became a total Jesus Freak and spent the rest of his life bumming people out, the end.

- Wonkette