Alf Needs...

Ok, so i stole this from my friend DINAH who's blog PUFF PIECE is permanently linked to on the sidebar.
The premise is as follows:

You go to google. You enter "YOUR NAME needs". Now I know my friends, and I know that they would never even consider typing "YOUR NAME", but if you are a random dipshit that stumbled across this, and were confused by the instructions...

Then google will respond with what you need. Then you post your five favorites. In no particular order.

ALF needs some sort of service registry.

* I couldn't agree more, I can't keep all my services in line as it is.

ALF needs to start a revolution of public opinion.

* what do you think this Blog is for?

Alf needs a family where he can be with people as much as possible.

*Oh god! It's like google can see into my SOUL.

ALF needs our help in raising funds to prevent, treat and cure hepatitis

* Please send checks or money orders c/o Alfredo LaMont...

ALF needs help with bathing and dressing himself.

*Please send your daughters and virgins c/o Alfredo LaMont...