Aaaand Iran, Iran so faar away.

This weekend, the Persian community was out en masse expressing something tied to the Iranian election in front of the federal building on Wilshire. As i drove by the throngs i saw the waving of the familiar tricolor Iranian Flag, but with one noticeable difference. A golden lion in the center holding a saber of some sort.



WHICH is different than the Islamic Revolution flag that we all know and love.



Wikipedia describes the lion symbol as "Traditional in Iranian Heraldry" whereas the symbol on the Islamic revolution flag is described thusly: "a highly stylized composite of various elements representing different facets of Islamic life: Allah, the Book, the Sword, the five principles of Islam, balance, unity, neutrality, and the universal government of the downtrodden." Complex symbolism aside, i find it stunning that the Persian community would hearken to an oppressive Monarchy while "Supporting" people who are giving their lives for a fair, democratic election.

Are the protesters in Tehran opposed to the Islamic Revolution of 1979/80/? No. Their candidate (Mousavi) was Prime Minister in the government and is certainly not a Monarchist or counterrevolutionary.

Ahmadinejad is an embarrassment to Iran, much like G.W Bush was to us, and like Bush, Ahmdinejad is widely despised in the cities for his buffoonery, but embraced by the rural communities on who's ignorance he preys. Despite the discrepancies in voting records, it seems unlikely that Mousavi won the election. We stand behind the people of Iran in this hour, because the people should be able to petition the government through peaceful demonstration without fear of retribution or death. We stand for justice and demand a fair counting of ballots and fair representation of the people. However, if we are to retain a moral high ground (If we have one left)then we must respect and acknowledge the right of the Iranian people of self-determination.

I pray the Persian community of Los Angeles isn't making the same mistake that was made by the Cuban community of Miami where manic anti-Castro sentiment has supplanted common sense. Both the Government of Fulgencio Batista and that of Mohammad Rezā Shāh were governments that collapsed under the weight of their own greed and a total indifference to the suffering of the people.

Inserting monarchist symbols into this is counterproductive, unrealistic and offensive to the memory of those who have already died protesting for fair elections, true representation, and free speech.

There's Sex & Booze, then there's Science and Sex

This weekend my little brain nerd is at odds with my libido. This weekend marks my second tour of the Playboy Mansion at THIS EVENT. However that means i have to miss some of my favorite Pixar artists and their art at an ehibit called THE ANCIENT BOOK OF SCIENCE AND SEX. For those of you who recall, the same group of artists put together THE ANCIENT BOOK OF MYTH AND WAR, out of which I bought 6 prized prints. Seeing the art for the new exhibit is making me yearn more than I thought it would, considering the option (Which is pretty damn awesome).

In Lieu of attending, I am encouraging everyone to go to to Nucleus gallery and see some of the top artists from Pixar, give their interpretations on a fantastic theme.

Info HERE!

The Future of Marketing

I have to say, that I'm in a bit of a tizzy over social networking and the new frontiers of Marketing. I have struggled to describe the importance of integrating your brand into people's behavior by being bold, kind, and adapting to their wants and interests, rather than forcing your product onto groups that would not willingly seek it out.

David Armano shared this incredible slide show, that illustrates some basic truths about the future of marketing, social networking, and the myth of "Viral" marketing.

I urge anyone who is interested in social networking and the "MEcononmy" to take a look.
Fascinating stuff.

The Future of Advertising. WTF?

View more presentations from David Armano.

The Top 6 Life-Affirming, "We are one", Cheeseball, Grin Inducing, Online Vids.

I don't approve of lists. As a thoughtful and curious human being I relish the opportunity to study and research things i find interesting, and lists, especially "Top 5" tend to take on a definitive air that I resent and often disagree with. THAT being said, I love me a good compilation and this one is particularly touching. The power of the web to bring people closer whether through "Chocolate Rain", "Teh Kittehs" or art and acts of kindness as will be displayed below, truly highlights and elevates the human experience, and brings us all face to face with each other forcing us to accept each other's humanity and in turn our own.

#6 "Sound of Music" Train Station

Done for a Belgian cable company but with the bright eyed awesomeness "Improv Everywhere" stunts, the innocence of hundreds of dancing children and adults breaking into "spontaneous" dance to a well-loved musical, makes you believe for a moment, that the world really is a magical place.



#5 Hugging Cops

What happens when the government decides to actually fix a problem rather than punish offenders? You get a moment of whimsical law enforcement that sends out a stronger message than any moving violation ever could.



#4 Stand By Me

The Group "Playing For Change" brings us a beautiful rendition of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. With buskers, street musicians, and artist from around the globe adding their bits, this video is a remarkable tribute to the international language of music.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

#3 Where the Hell is Matt?

In his Internet Phenomenon, Matt Harding visits several countries doing a silly jig and proving that despite international differences, everyone across the world gets a kick out of acting like a goofball from time to time.




#2 Tang Hong Mihn in Love

All the convoluted notions of romantic love, insecurities, dating, barriers, and emotion rendered useless by Tang Hong Mihn.
It is important to note that the little girl is probably Malay and therefore Muslim and that Tang is probably Chinese and Buddhist or Christian. Childhood, like love, knows no barriers.




#1 Yes We Can

Groan, sneer, gnash your teeth, flail your arms wildly, the potency of this video and of the movement that it accompanied has left its mark on history. The Obama Presidency, and even his party's nomination was not a secure thing when this video was released, and "Yes We Can" was launched into the public conscious when this video went viral . The voices of celebrities and common people in this video represents precisely the sort of social awareness and internet savvy that all the other videos had, only in a much much larger scale and with historic results.

Chivalry is Dead, Long Live Chivalry

Maybe it is because spring has sprung and the lusty warm days of summer are ahead of us, but my mind has been turning to romantic pursuits as of late. I’d generally be worried about being in such a state if I were not also in the throes of my annual philosophical rebirth. My mind turning from the everyday toil to indulge in tender thoughts, has found safety in the lazy river of romantic love. So into a turbulent world of Piracy and Teabagging, of social networking and comedy, and of the beautiful paradox that is southern California that I thrust my sword and call out the ancient battle cry of the Grail King- “Amor!”

Now, if I were to follow through with the Grail King analogy, you would find me castrated by a Saracen representing nature. I hardly need a de-balling by a symbolic Taliban to remind me of the dangers of launching hips first into amorous adventures, especially while wagging my sword under the guise of more noble pursuits. Yet I am recognizing within me a clear-headedness in regards to the quest for romantic love that seems to be at incredible odds with the whirlwind of an existence that I have carved out for myself.

I acknowledge then, that this exquisite intrusion into my reality has been a welcome break, and I sense the urge is strong to bring these desires both mental and physical to fruition. But how the hell do I channel my inner Chivalric romantic self into some real-world lovin’ from a lady worthy of my mighty efforts? Moreover, what will my mighty efforts be?

The answer came to me the other day. While at work my co-worker complained of having to “Play the game”, a complaint that I’ve heard often and am guilty of myself. “The Game” of course refers to the tit for tat of modern courtship. A girl who feels a lusty desire for a man, will counter-instinctually become coy and prudish in order to fulfill some long lost moral code. A lad, knowing full well that his sole intent is to bed a lassie, will nonetheless spend time and money on her, even if that is not required. You must be interested, but not TOO interested. You must be outgoing, but not obnoxious. You can’t call for three days after you meet , you kiss on the first date, but only depending on the mood of the evening. She wants a bad boy with a career, he wants a virgin slut, you do not have sex on the first date, but if you do you shouldn’t expect it to mean anything. You don’t date someone younger than your age, divided by two plus seven. The rules continue, and it becomes obvious that you must, in fact, play a rather self-imposed game.
Why the hell? We demand that others jump through hoops and deny ourselves the gratification we seek. We bang our heads in frustration, beat our chests and scream “WTF?”. What ARE the rules for this DUMB game, and from what ring in Satan’s bunghole did they come?

Chivalry, dammit. Fuckin’ Chivalry. We owe the confusion of modern dating to the chappies who first strutted up to a lady, while sporting tights and a lute, and instead of violating her on the spot, sang her a song. She however, is not blameless. If she had fallen back and spread em at the moment she first began to feel herself swoon, then we wouldn’t be in this mess either. Instead, she gave him a hankerchief, and asked him to come back. He came back after slaying a dragon for her, and she allowed him to kiss the back of her neck, and so on until we are so mired in rules that we abandon them altogether, get drunk, and hope for the best. So why do we find ourselves insisting on applying qualifications to our amorous intents even if we have in the past been exhausted by these self inflicted rules and given ourselves to more base inclinations?

The answer is obvious to all of those who have been through a breakup. The few fortunate enough to have had a hole in one and live in the bliss of never having to look for “more”, will marvel at the difficulty of the quest for those who are single. Having achieved love once we know of the fulfillment that a sharing of hearts can bring and ultimately we surrender to the joy of companionship, friendship and the Nasty. The troubadors discovered what we know to be true. That there is a much higher bliss to be experienced and it is far more rewarding than simply bumpin’ uglies. Which sucks, because the urge to get it on can be a powerful force. But we are wary of those who fail to see the value of an emotional connection. Let’s face it, none of us seem to think that getting it on with everyone all the time is an admirable quality even to those who may practice such physical liberalism. So even those who we would consider horn dogs, or poon hounds (Canine themes, huh. Doggy style?) will opt for the truer and deeper connection.

Ok, we get it. The quest for the Grail IS the true gift , blah blah blah, the journey is as important as the destination, blah blah blah, wow Alf you are so deep and sexy, blah blah blah…how the hell does that help us in the game of love? How can we play without being playas? What sucks for us even more so than the aforementioned suckage of not being able to find fulfillment in shagging our brains out, is that we all KNOW what it takes to play the game successfully, and its not easy. In fact, its as difficult as Chinese Algebra. It is the denial of self. Ugh. It is that moment when the eyes scout out what the heart desires and the self opens up to unlimited kindness, both receiving and giving. I know. I KNOW this is coming from me, but I think or at least hope we all know what I’m talking about. Mercifully our psyches, nature, society and upbringing give us plenty of opportunities to fuck things up.
So how do I intend on keeping this heady selfless stuff in mind while I fumble my way through the beautiful women of Los Angeles? How can a walking boner ever hope to find “Amour”?

By remembering the basic tenets of chivalry:

Strength with Compassion-
Go for it dude, but don’t be a dick about it.
No one likes a wuss, but the overly aggro are being selfish and that’s just not cool. Find that chill spot on the clutch while idling on a hill and get ready to hit the gas or hit the brakes.


Integrity with Boldness-
Be yourself, but be your AWESOME self.
If you act like a party guy all the time you better be a party guy. Me, I can be a little boring and long winded, a tad heady, yes. But I can party like a soccer hooligan should the slightly boring, heady, long winded occasion present itself. False advertising is the realm of douche bags, the desperate, and teen romantic comedies.

Action with Contemplation-
Make your move, but think about the consequences.
This is a toughie, and definitely one that the walking boner has trouble with. All I can say is that you need to really tread carefully and be sensitive to the other person and on what sort of journey are both going. Don’t let your loins get in your way of seeing red flags. Then again, know which red flags you can ignore.

I think that actually covers it. For everyone. I mean, it doesn’t make things easier, but at least we know that this fight has been fought before and we see the evidence of romantic love everywhere. I’d rather try and be a part of it than sit idly by andwait for the occasional carnal delight. So don your armor, and go forth with a pure heart, like the Grail King, you have nothing to lose but your balls.

My Reunion with Skippy

When i was a wee bairn in the bonnie hills of Pedregal in Mexico City, I was exposed to my first television shows. This being Mexico and pre-cable, I found myself being exposed to the odd mish-mash of programming that the Mexican network execs passed off for programming. There was Odisea Burbujas (Bubble Odyssey) an oddly educational show involving Frog, Lizard, Mouse and Bee Furries who are led across the stars by a red-headed "Professor". Bizzare, yes? Certainly reminiscent of H.R Puffnstuff. There was Disney's world of Color "De Colores", and of course classic American shows like Dukes of Hazzard, Hawaii 5-0, and the Love Boat. All of which were dubbed in Spanish by the same 5 actors who I think are still doing it. It was weird having Captain Stubing have the same voice as Roscoe P. Coltrane, but you're a kid and you go with it.

However, there was one show that blew my infant mind. An Aussie import based on the same insanity that made Flipper and Lassie such hits, but with a certain Outback/Colony feel to it that made it absolutely mesmerizing. The name of the show was SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO. Basically, the premise is that in an desolate Ranger station in the outback a child with no friends ends up making friends with a genius Kangaroo that communicates with clicks. Not only this, but Skippy had bizzare animal friends like an Emu, and a Wombat who would not only help her (Yes, like Lassie) rescue people in the outback, but would even seek out and apprehend criminals. I KNOW! Your mind is blown.

When we moved to the US in 84, I was absolutely thrilled at American Teevee. Yes, there was already cable in Mexico at the time. I was getting all the latest BETA movies from my dad, grandparents and anyone who stepped foot in the US, along with Happy Meals, Legos and Star Wars toys none of which were available in Mexico at the time (I was as far as I know, the first kid in Mexico to have The Ewok Village). Nothing, could have prepared me for the magical panoply that was Saturday Morning Cartoons. The littles, The Smurfs, The Biskitts (Essentialy Dog-Smurfs), Go Bots, etc. ad nauseum.

Something was amiss, however. No Skippy. Furthermore, whenever i tried to explain Skippy to my Elementary School peers, I was met with the sort of worldly and embracing attitude that can be expected from second graders in Colorado Springs, as they are being told of a Rescue-Kangaroo by the first Mexican they've ever encountered.
Needless to say I dropped Skippy, and adopted the more socially acceptable GIJoe and Transformers. However, in my heart lay a dormant Kangaroo named Skippy.

Fast forward to 2005. I am working at Paradigm Talent Agency, and an Agent (Frank Balkin) is talking to me about TeeVee shows. Out of nowhere, jumps this fantastical tale of Skippy The Bush Kangaroo, and wouldn't you know it, the Internets has arrived. After that magical moment, where for the first time I was able to share Skippy with my co-workers I have waited for the audience and the clip that would encapsulate the entire Skippy experience.

Friends, you are the audience. And here is the clip:


More, you say?

The theme.


The theme as rocked out by a rock band named the Bush Rangers, who dress as the Kelly Gang. Frankly, I almost pooped. Skippy plays the drums.

Asking a Cult Member On a Date

I had met this girl at one of the thanksgiving dinners i was invited to. I had expressed early interest but a mutual friend (Who is also "In the program") had told me she doesn't date "Outside". I friended her on facebook and then this went down. Names and Dates have been changed to protect the innocent, including the group she was pandering for.

X
hey Alf
7:39pm

Alf
Hey X.
What a pleasant surprise.
7:39pm

X
How r u doing on a raining day
7:39pm

Alf
I am well.
Praying for the day to end.
7:40pm

X
lol
7:40pm

Alf
Seriosuly, I am beat. Long week.
You?
7:40pm

X
yes, arent we all
i had a down day today
but i am alright now:)
7:41pm

Alf
Oh yeah?
7:41pm

X
I heard that u were intersted in going basic?
7:41pm

Alf
Being down and rain are just awful
7:41pm

X
when r u gonna go! i am so excited
7:41pm

Alf
Go where?
7:41pm

X
the training that *** and I went
7:41pm

Alf
Hahaha
I think you mean ***.
7:42pm

X
I dont know who *** is
So iam sure *** meant u
7:42pm

Alf
***'s assitant
I'm pretty sure *** wouldn't make that error
7:42pm

X
well i dono why he said that then...
well are u going then?
7:43pm

Alf
No, i don't think so
7:43pm

X
oh..
7:44pm

Alf
Yeah, not a big "Feeling and action" guy.
More methodical here.
7:44pm

X
feeling and action?
7:44pm

Alf
But i appreciate you wanting to include me.
7:45pm

X
hehe, its good stuff. i can't imagine how anyone wouldnt want to go
but then again, u donno what it is lol
7:45pm

Alf
Ah, well. We all have our journeys to make.
7:47pm

X
ya
7:47pm

Alf
Not big into joint discovery. Bit of loner, finding my own way coming to conclusions etc.
7:49pm

X
i see. that is alright. we are who we are and that is what i love about it, it allows me to have my own experience. u can say its a joint, but its like doing yoga, i am with other people but i am working on my own pace and weakness
7:51pm

Alf
Yeah, I'm constantly working on myself just not in a group, not in front of others, accountable only to myself.
7:53pm

X
ya u didnt seem like u were comfortable with certain things being shown in public last time we hang out. i am just curious how do you do what you do being a reserved individual
7:53pm

Alf
I don't think anyone I know would call me reserved.
As for finding my own answers, yesterday I came to the conclusion that REDACTED
7:55pm

X
and u just came to this conclusion yesterday?
how would it be like if u had conclusions like that x100 within 5 days
7:57pm

Alf
It would bel like taking a life shortcut. I do not believe in shortcuts. I think discovering things on your own prepares you for the next step.
It would be like shooting a movie before writing a script
or writing a script before you have a story
7:58pm

X
I think you are midunderstanding something Alf
7:59pm

Alf
Explain.
7:59pm

X
This process is not someone telling you how to live your life or giving you answers. because we are the ONLY one who can answer ourselves
this is a designed experience that you will go through and have a professional coach evoke your answers
its through living and quetioning we learn and grow
and someone genius enough to design something like that
8:00pm

Alf
Why can't life just show me the answers as i go along? Need I pay a coach?
8:00pm

X
no u dont need to
8:01pm

Alf
So i could get the same answers just by living a gentle life.
8:01pm

X
but i wanted to learn faster, i wanted to be free from confusion faster, not waiting till i am 50 making many many mistakes and then realize
there is a beauty to that, but we are human and we wil make mistakes no matter what
8:03pm

X
i want to be able to love and liv the way i want to
8:03pm

Alf
I don't feel confusion though, and i very much live the way I want.
I could stand to make more money, but i am on track with where i thought i'd be.
8:03pm

X
well like i said its like yoga, people are at different lvl, of course u r much wiser than i am
8:06pm

Alf
Well, if you say so. I lived most of my early life with REDACTED, and i am on equal footing to REDACTED. I am constantly overcoming obstacles and enjoying myself tremendously while doing it.
8:06pm

X
then why r u so resistant toward something so beautiful that is design for powerful people like yourself?
8:08pm


Alf
Is anyone ever rejected from @@@@?
8:08pm

X
there are people who walked out in the middle of the training
and i know there was one lady was asked to leave
8:09pm

Alf
No, i mean when they come to you.
Is there anyone who you could look at and say "You are ok. You don't need this".
8:10pm

X
hehehe. are you thinking that i think you need this????
i would never tell anybody it is ok for you to not get an education.
this is a training i personally think should have been given when we were in high school
8:11pm

Alf
What sort of training would you say this is?
8:15pm

X
simply put, this is a very basic life training that made me aware of myself and gave me tools, so i would know exactly when to use them and be more effective, more efficient in every aspect of my life
i dont think i would realize many things that i realized during the training in any other situation another 5-10 yrs or maybe ever
8:23pm

Alf
I get it, but i don't feel that something that applies to everyone can be tailor made for me. Mine has been a singular journey. Though i believe in the inherency of the human experience, i believe in the wide scope of that experience. We are all singing the same song, just using different instruments.
8:23pm

X
hav you always been this arrogant?
8:24pm

Alf
No, only with salesmen.
8:24pm

HERE I DIDN”T SAVE ON TIME, BUT WE GLOSSED OVER THE TENSION. SOME EVANGELICALS USE THE WORD ARROGANT WHEN YOU USE LOGIC AGAINST THEM, AND I WAS LIVID. BUT SHE IS CUTE, SO I PRESSED ON. THE GIST OF IT WENT “REMEMBER THANKSGIVING?” (WHEN WE MET), THEN SHE SAID “I REMEMBER YOU STOLE SOMETHING FROM ME” (A SLIGHT KISS)

Alf
You want it back?
8:34pm

X
i never take my gift back
8:35pm

Alf
Wait, was it a gift or did I steal it?
5:35pm

X
u stole it first, then i gave it away
8:36pm

Alf
*** told me you only date guys who are on the program.
8:36pm

X
hahaaha
he is funny
8:37

Alf
Aha!
8:38pm

X
aha what
8:38pm

Alf
So you date guys outside of ****?
8:39pm

X
of course, **** doesnt represent men who are up to my standards
8:39pm

Alf
Oh, mercy!
I would LOVE to lower your standards for you.
8:40pm

X
hehehe
my standards arent that high, they are just specific
8:40pm

Alf
Do your standards involve ironic mustaches and bourbon?
8:41pm

X
my standards definetly includ being open to beautiful experiences
and trusting
8:41pm

Alf
Now THAT's something I can offer.
8:41pm

X
really
can i sign u up for this amazing experience then
8:42pm

HERE'S A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT. I MISREAD WHAT SHE WROTE AND THOUGHT SHE SAID "CAN YOU SIGN ME UP FOR THIS AMAZING EXPERIENCE?". SO FOR ONE MAGICAL MOMENT WE BOTH FEEL WE ARE GETTING WHAT WE WANT.

Alf
Hm...
Let, me see...
8:42pm

X
alright
think about it
8:42pm

Alf
We have a seminar on the 13th.
8:42pm

X
the next one is not till march
8:42pm

Alf
Friday the 13th
8:42pm

X
u have one month to think about
8:43pm

Alf
No no
8:43pm

X
what lol
8:43pm

Alf
I was asking you out on a date. On the 13th, except i was being clever by calling it a "Seminar"
8:43pm

X
LOL
friday?
8:43pm

Alf
Yeah, a week from today.
8:44pm

X
ok
but under one condition
8:44pm

Alf
Awesome.
Not if that condition involves ****
You have to go because you like me.
Not because you want me to do something.
8:45pm

X
do i look like someone with such a low self respect?
besides what is in it for me, i dont get anything by having u go
8:46pm

Alf
So what condition would you put on it?
8:46pm

X
that u will be open and seriously consider this experience of life
8:49pm

X
and i cant say i like you, i am curious about you is that ok for a date
8:50pm

Alf
Well, do you make out with guys you are curious about?
8:51pm

X
no
lol
8:51pm

Alf
I think that's your answer right there, then.
8:51pm

X
do u alway expect to make out with ur date on the first nite?
8:52pm

Alf
I allow for the possibility.
8:53pm

X
oh well, dear. thank you for allowing me expressing this awesome experience i just went through
but i got to leave now.
8:53pm

Alf
No problem.
8:54pm

X
my friend is having a play tonight
have a good weekend
8:54pm

Alf
Ah, what play?
8:54pm

X
i am not sure. its in pasadena city college
8:54pm

Alf
hah! You are a good friend.
Enjoy your play and your weekend.
8:55pm

X
of course. thank you
8:55pm

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

Text of the benediction by Rev. Joseph Lowery during President Barack Obama's inauguration, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions:

___

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou, who has brought us thus far along the way, thou, who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee.

Shadowed beneath thy hand, may we forever stand true to thee, oh God, and true to our native land.

We truly give thanks for the glorious experience we've shared this day.

We pray now, oh Lord, for your blessing upon thy servant Barack Obama, the 44th president of these United States, his family and his administration.

He has come to this high office at a low moment in the national, and indeed the global, fiscal climate. But because we know you got the whole world in your hands, we pray for not only our nation, but for the community of nations.

Our faith does not shrink though pressed by the flood of mortal ills.

For we know that, Lord, you are able and you're willing to work through faithful leadership to restore stability, mend our brokenness, heal our wounds, and deliver us from the exploitation of the poor, of the least of these, and from favoritism toward the rich, the elite of these.

We thank you for the empowering of thy servant, our 44th president, to inspire our nation to believe that yes we can work together to achieve a more perfect union.

And while we have sown the seeds of greed — the wind of greed and corruption, and even as we reap the whirlwind of social and economic disruption, we seek forgiveness and we come in a spirit of unity and solidarity to commit our support to our president by our willingness to make sacrifices, to respect your creation, to turn to each other and not on each other.

And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance.

And as we leave this mountain top, help us to hold on to the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family. Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques, or wherever we seek your will.

Bless President Barack, First Lady Michelle. Look over our little angelic Sasha and Malia.

We go now to walk together as children, pledging that we won't get weary in the difficult days ahead. We know you will not leave us alone.

With your hands of power and your heart of love, help us then, now, Lord, to work for that day when nations shall not lift up sword against nation, when tanks will be beaten into tractors, when every man and every woman shall sit under his or her own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid, when justice will roll down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream.

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.

Just a Few Notes on the Inaugural Parade

Those who know me well, know me to be a hugely emotional brute. Those who know me, know me to be a deeply patriotic individual, who never misses a chance to celebrate the Fourth of July. Those who know me best, know that i am a total and unabashed parade hound.

From the endless lines of Hibernians in the NY St. Patrick's parade to the grand finale of the Greeley Stampede parade where the spectators engage the local fire department in a mobile water fight (Really everyone should do this someday. its a bit of succulent Americana in a verdant small town setting and should not be missed) I have always loved the notion of humanity on display. You can ask me details about Trooping The Colours for the Queen's Birthday, or Rose Garden Reviews and even the manias of Carnaval and Mardi Gras, I'll gladly give you an earful.

In most countries, national parades are a cause to display military might. I get giddy at the annual show-stopper every 14th of July down the Champs Elysee, and the Soviet era May Day parades. Yet it takes an Inaugural parade to bring a tear to my eye. When watching or if you have already watched this somewhat silly display i need you to take something extremely important with you.

In the United States, we rarely parade our military. Our might does not come from the strength of our Army and Navy, rather it comes from the people. Represented in this particular parade by endless High School marching bands, tractor pulled floats, Native Chiefs in ceremonial headdress, square dancers, cowboys, and interspersed between the Ogalala Pioneers Marching Band, and the 4H livestock, are our military bands. In all their ceremonial dress, with swords and epaulets, with fur skinned hat drum majors tossing their silver tipped maces, our armed forces march the same parades as the thick necked union worker and the Lawn Rangers precision Mowing Drill team.

All American parades hold that in common, but an inaugural parade is a national pageant of hope and renewal, a gift of silly, ill fitting uniforms, off key brass, and goofy smiles for the embodiment of our dreams and hopes for the future, the newly elected President.

If you missed, it watch it HERE

For the Miltary Stuff, watch HERE and take note how the "Old Guard" CO does a hat salute to the new prez. A very nice flourish.

What the hell is wrong with Chicago?

Look, I'm no fan of this needy troll/weasel Rob Blagojevich. His "I want something for this", smacks of the same desperation for monetizing a flash in the pan as Joe the "plumber"'s current stint as a "reporter".

(Applause for the most quotation marks ever used in one sentence)

The whole nasty mess is just awful, and I'd rather be thinking that maybe Roland Burris, as the only African American senator is a wholesome, qualified , and adorable little imp with a tendency for press conferences.

Instead I'm confronted with the reality that Burris is an attention starved, and shameless self-promoter.
I suppose all self-promoters are a bit shameless, but he is disconcertingly so.

"Hey Alf, why are you picking on a Democratic Senator, who happens to be the only black Senator?"

Well, there's this thing. This horrible bit of tack. This gristle of gauche, stuck twixt the teeth of normalcy and decency. There's a monument to hubris. A granite monolith of delusional mental illness, that points its eternal finger at a man who does one too many interviews, makes one too many press conferences, and thinks a bit too highly of himself.



For a close up view of the entire "Burris Monument" you can visit HERE

Make sure you read through "Accomplishments" and "Other Accomplishments" .

Exchange student?

Well, shit. Someone give this man a Senate seat.

I need to lie down.

Secretary of Taste

Unscripted television isn't my favorite. I don't mean unscripted like documentaries or Dirty Jobs, or Mythbusters even. No, I'm talking about all MTV programming and any sort of contest or race. From the parade of mediocrity that is Top Designer, to the painfully dull Next Producer and all the Rock of NY Love, or whatever the hell they are calling that tragedy now. I am not one for watching untalented people being fast tracked to fame and failure. Bo Bice, Taylor Hackford, where art thou?

There are two shows however, that manage to pit professionals against each other and may truly find true "Stars" within the talented ranks of their contestants by requiring professional results. One is TOP CHEF, and the other is PROJECT RUNWAY. Now, I was turned on to Project Runway by my roommate, who kicking and screaming, made me watch one episode of a marathon. Needless to say, I was impressed.

I'm not a fan of couture per-se, but certainly I am a fan of elegance and taste despite my facebook profile. During these monumental, hard fought, and historic elections, we had an enormous dichotomy in taste that i think highlights a major cultural divide in this nation.

To be frank, the last eight years have been some of the tackiest, most visually offensive and culturally bankrupt years in American history. And yes, that includes the reconstruction years when U.S Grant would walk around pants less, smoking a cigar and spitting bits of "Tabacky" on orphaned children. Even Queen Victoria remarked "We wish he would sport some trou."and ostracized that tacky boor. But the jingoism and chest beating of a post 9/11 world gave way to a free for all of our most base instincts, culminating in the superbly tacky Iraq war, awful imagery, and Britney Spear's breakdown.

Then, after Kerry's abortive attempt, and four more horrific years of "heh heh" from the White House, came the elections. It was a sight to behold really. Do we go with the lumbering tacky symbols and behavior of the last eight years? Or do we go with the smooth, visually pleasing, and classy change?

I could go on for hours about the "Wasilla Hillbillies" and their teen sex debut at the RNC, but the fact is, that now is the time for healing. We need to reach out to those who think THIS is ok.

Our president elect has decided to take the high road and, not rub it in dumb, gun-toting, racist, tacky ass red America's face, but rather bring them into the fold and thereby change the country, I mean SERIOUSLY change the country forever.

To this end, I recommend that President-elect Obama create the new cabinet-level post of Secretary of Taste. Furthermore I nominate Mr. Tim Gunn to fill the spot effective immediately.

I hardly need to give you Tim's credentials. He is the sleek asexual master of style that makes european monarchs look like inbred iron mongers.

Let's say, that GW Bush had tried to pass off the Iraq war on Tim. I can see the ever cautious Mr. Gunn saying
"Hmm. Ok, i can see what you mean to say here, but its not working for me. It feels rushed. Let's actually find some WMD's and I think that will make more sense. Ok? Just make it work."

Voila! One war/ quagmire avoided.

The fact is, that Tim Gunn is a careful methodical thinker. His every move and utterance is carefully calculated and phrased so as not to be disruptive, but rather constructive. THAT is what makes Tim Gunn a national treasure, and THAT is what this country needs more of.

No more knee jerk reactions, no more "Let's roll!" bumper stickers, no more mindlessly hating on the French, no more scapegoating, no more carelessness. As the inaugural looms in less than a week now, I return to my favorite quote from my favorite Kennedy "Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world. Let us dedicate ourselves to that." , and in the spirit of our new President and Project Runway, do our part to "Tame the Savageness of man" and avoid plaids and stripes.

Reason 500 why Obama's Inagural Parade is going to Kick Ass

NASA's new Small Pressurized Rover is designed to carry astronauts long distances. It will also be in Obama's inaugural parade. Video by Nick de la Torre. Jan. 9, 2009.

Sunday: Parte the Seconde (Ye Mall of Chapel Hills)

I hate malls. When I go out I like a certain amount of civility and control over the type of people I'm going to be interacting with. In LA, for example, I only come in contact with Persian teenagers at the Beverly Center or Grove, suffice to say that specific demographic is not in my social circle. That's in LA, where they have Mac stores, and reasons to go to the mall. Chapel Hills mall holds nothing but people I'd never interact with and stores I'd never shop at. Naturally, I took pictures.


What's so interesting about this young lad checking out the wares at the board game store? Well, considering the fact that the wind chill is making it feel like its 5 below outside, I figured i should share. Obviously he has no friends or family because he is carrying no coat and has not been told that once he steps outside he is going to DIE.


Here is a store i would never shop at in the mall where i could go and not buy..

If Jesus were holding a picture of her , holding a picture of Jesus, this painting could show us a shitty eternity. Instead, its just shitty.

In the middle of the mall is this beautifully adorned simulator. For $10 you can climb aboard this machine and feel what it is like to get ripped off. Love the Rape Van Orca motif, though.

If you don't get it, then you don't deserve to enjoy it.

The baby in the stroller couldn't believe that grown people could look like such dipshits. Those antlers stopped being appropriate always.

Get a head start on having your kids resent you.

Sunday: A day in Three Acts (Act One: breakfast)

So this morning my Mom made us a Mexican breakfast. Traditionally this involves adding egg to whatever it is you'd regularly eat at a Mexican restaurant. Eggs taco, egg tostada, egg sopapilla, egg cinnamon twists etc. "But, Alf! Aren't you an Arab?"
No no, i just have a hairy back. But your confusion about my ethnicity is not without merit. Check out this particular shelf of festivity in our house.



That's a Mexican Nativity scene, a dreidel, a Menorah, and five bears. To answer your question though, I am an Atheist.


As the mexican food was being prepped, we listened to Mariachi music and donned a sombrero..really. We do those kinds of things.

My mom greased, cheesed and chilied some fantastic huevos, while we all sampled.


Then some Mexican hot chocolate and we were all energized for phse two...THE MALL...
TBC

Hidden Beauty at Sam's club

So after a lengthy trip, we finally made it to CO. Naturally my mom needed to feed us an enormous amount, and where did she take us? To my progressive shock, she took us to buy in bulk from union basher Sam Walton's mega deluxe superstore. All Angelino pretense aside, I found it oddly exhilarating. There is something amazing to see so much of everything. Check it out.


Cheez balls are awful. But great! But truly awful. But then they come in a "Barrel" and become great all over again.



Ferrero Rocher was always my favorite Euro-Trash confection. Then it came to the USA and I was happy, then i saw a WALL of FR at Sam's Club and it blew my mind.


OMG! OMG! OMG! That's what she said!

So I bought a hot dog and a Cherry Coke for $1.50 which was awesome because the hot dog and the Coke were enormous. The Lady who sold it to me was this super sweet elderly lady who should be serving cocoa somewhere with better lighting rather than dishing out weiners to people like me. The hairnet made her look sad, but the dawg was huge and they have an awesome chopped onion dispenser that chops fresh onions for you when you turn the handle.


Nice Lady, bad lighting.


Turn clockwise, get onions.


GIANT Hotdog and Coke.


The whole giant warehouse was being cleaned constantly by teenage girls driving concrete zambonis. This girl waited for me to get out of the way while i was taking my hotdog picture. I smiled, she looked confused and continued to drive her cleaning machine.


The Holidays, in bulk.

Muppets, Christmas and an Observation

Is it me, or are Vice President-elect Joe biden and Sam "The American" Eagle very similar in looks?

Enjoy the Show, Folks!

Bettie Page (April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008)

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," -Hef

Her later life was marked by depression, violent mood swings and several years in a state mental institution. While she faded into obscurity in the 1960s after converting to Christianity and serving as a Baptist missionary in Angola[5], she experienced a resurgence of popularity in the 1980s and had a significant cult following. Her look, including her jet black hair and trademark bangs, has been iconic within the rockabilly subculture and has influenced many artists.

Goths in Love

William S. Burroughs, Stuffing, and Thanks

Nothing brings out the spirit of this great nation than an aging Heroin addict, and his words of truth.

There is hope yet.





Hope for some Awesome stuffing!

1 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cups chopped onions
1 1/2 cups chopped celery
6 cups diced, tart apples (green/old granny)
2 teaspoons of salt
1 cup sugar
6 cups of small bread crumbs (herb seasoned)

In large pan combine butter, apples, celery and onions. Sprinkle with salt and sugar. Cook for 10 minutes until apples are browned all over. Add bread cubes.
Yields 12 cups.

De mi propia cosecha

si haces el doble, no dobles la sal, a lo mejor la mitad pero primero pruebalo. Toma mas de 10 minutos a que agarren color las manzana, al menos en Colorado. Una vez que este todo revuelto incluyendo pan, le pones ya sabes que. Vino blanco, siempre cocina con vino barato. Abusado con el vino si le pones mucho te queda muy aguado.

Si tu vas a rellenar el pavo, antes de poner el relleno untas adentro del pavo mantequilla con seasoned salt y sage y tambien afuera. Abusado con la sal.

In addendum, I have found a few details on cooking this myself. Do not overdo the wine, and if you douse the stuffing, make sure and add sugar. The most common problem is the sugar falling to the bottom and burning at the base of the pot. Aslo, avoid stuffing the turkey directly, it increases salmonella potentials. You can add the stuffing inside once the turkey is cooked and allow it to sop up juices for another 10 minutes of cooking inside the foil.

The financial crisis: It affects us all

I had a conversation with my parents recently that went something like this.