So day 5 was a horrible oopsie. I forgot my camera/phone. So all the pictures from the incredible and beautiful museum of Anthropology will have to wait. However, day 6 provided a ton of fun pictures from Chapultepec castle. The seat of government for Colonial viceroys from Spain, Mexican emperors, A military academy, Dictators, and now, a museum to be defiled by yours truly, and his three favorite cousins/rugrats.
Mario, Fernando, and Paula (My Cousins) climbing over the symbol of the grasshopper on a mountian, or in the Aztec language "Chapultepec"
Chapultepec Castle
A beautiful ceiling mural of a "Kid Hero" from the military academy who according to tradition, wrapped himself in the flag, and threw himself off the ramparts to avoid the flag's capture by encroaching American forces during the war with the U.S. (Note the American flag on the bottom right hand)
An incredible Mural Depicting the Spanish conquest where an eagle warrior is pierced by a spanish blade as he plunges his spear into the spaniards throat. In other words, the vile merciless Aztecs were conquered by the Vile merciless Spanish.
Some of the spanish Viceroys that ruled over "Nueva Espana" . Yeah, the first guys is an inbred cross-eyed goon.
Santa Ana's (Of Alamo Fame) Wooden Leg
After the castle , we went to a Oaxan Restaurant where my mom fed us all sweetbreads.
Then it was off once more to the plaza of the three cultures where you can see a colonial church that overlooks aztec ruins. under the shadow of Apartment buildings.
It was here that Fernando made a gruesome discovery <
By this time, the kids (and I) were getting slap happy, so we headed home as the sun set behind the Angel of Independence.
25 Relatives 12 Hours 18 lbs of Turkey 10 lbs of stuffing
Oh, Holy Smokes!
Grandma is rather pleased with the spread
Cousin Enrique Noshing on a Turkey Leg
Cousin Peter Rockin' his new sweatbands
My Loot From left to right: BARACK OBAMA'S BOOK, PJs, Wireless mouse, Pjs, Bartending Guide, PC bag, Cologne, Hippie Candles, Tweed Jacket (With Patches)
As some of you may or may not know, I'm allergic to spider bites, so my tuesday bump had turned into a nasty ampoule with liquid and stuff.
So, we casually ambled over to the Hospital to get treatment.
The room where the doctor saw me was full of interesting and colorful vials
The nurse gave me two shots in the butt, and then escorted me to the operating room which was full of draconian looking equipment.
The Doctor drained the nastiness, cleaned me up, and bandaged the wound. Then he prescribed some anti-inflammatory, antibiotic and fun painkillers.
Afterward, my Grandpa took me to get some Ice cream so i would feel better.
Total waiting time to see the doctor - 10 minutes Total time spent in hospital - 45 minutes Total cost of procedure and perscriptions - $58 (Including ice cream)
Don't let them tell you socialized medicine doesn't work!
Back in the 88' I was fortunate enough to be dragged throughout Asia accompanied by my parents. In those days, China was still something of an enigma. Not yet the Hyper-Economic giant of today, and caught squarely between the memories of Tiannemen Square and the desire for openess, Deng Xiaopeng , Mao's handpicked sucessor was still in power. Seoul, south Korea had just hosted the Olympic Games, and Thailand was not yet the destination point it is now for so many Americans. Yeah the seedy side was there, and its always been a destination point for Europeans, but not quite as mainstream as it has become. What I'm trying to say here, is that a young lad with western features was not as common in those days as it probably is now.
Thailand, is a beautiful ornate and lively country. Its also insufferably muggy. Now, i've always been a sweaty person, and please know that i share this only for the purpose of the anecdote. In Thailand as a young lad I would sweat through blazers, and ruin white shirts, so allow us to assume that whatever odd scent i may secrete, is being secreted at maximum capacity during our visit.
We went to all the possible tourist attractions near Bankok. The Snake farm and show with an alarming lack of proximity to the audience, that can only be afforded by no regulation of such things, the traditional thai village where tourist play tug of war with an elephant and the quality of the food suffers, but not at the expense of a great show, the palaces of jaw-dropping beauty with a mile long mural depicting the battles of the Ramanaya,and most memorably, The Samut Prakan Crocodile Farm and Zoo.
Anyone who has felt slightly uneasy at the conditions of a roadside Zoo, know precisely the conditions that exist at Samut Prakan. In lieu of nature, concrete is the best and most inexpensive way to keep animals alive and healthy. So Samut Prakan is a literal contcrete jungle In the middle of this concrete jungle there is a small ampitheater in which a death and logic defying show is put on for the benefit of all who visit and the detraction of the performers (Both Human and Crocodile) as can be seen in this clip (Not for the Faint of Heart)
Yeah, i know. When that crocodile moves to the death roll, your stomach sinks. Dogs and sharks, left to right ripping. Crocs the freakin' roll. They twist things off. Ugh.
You as a spectator can also feed the crocs with the original buckets o' chicken
So, ok. Now that I've traumatised you with the crocs, there's also the elephants. Thailand = elephants. They are everywhee, and at this place there was another elephant show. Remember two paragraphs and a horrid video ago all that stuff about me smelling funky? Well they do this thing where they ask for volunteers from the audience to lay down on the floor as the elephant walks over them. I figured, what the hey, and presented myself as a volunteer. Well, being the only non thai in the group, the elephant must have smelled a distinct lack of curry in my system. For about 2 minutes the beast stopped and proceeded to molest me with its trunk, to the whoops of laughter from the local crowd. After a few prods from the sharp hook/stick the elephant proceeded, and my parents gave me the usual LaMont family chides about being stinky or weird, or unable to accomplish simple tasks, and continued on their merry way. It was as we were walking away from the pervy pachy that i noticed a chimp swinging about on a leash with no other visible restrain or barrier.
Knowing what i know now, about chiimps ripping off peoples junk and eating their noses, i don't think i would have been as brave as i was then, when Project X was still in my subconcious and all chimps spoke sign language. Most of the locals had made a wide circle around the chimp who was swinging round, playing and being classically chimpy. I approached, fully expecting the same recognition of "Non Thai" that i received from the elephant, except with more "Any which Way But Loose" hilarity.
The chimp.
It spots me. It walks over, holds on to a sign post , swings around it twice, and slaps the living bejeezus out of me.
One slap, on the cheek. The blow was so hard it spun me around, again to the hoots and laughter of the crowd. Dazed and shamed by a simian, i walked over to my parents who had not seen what had happened and assumed that my beet red face was flushed with the immense joy of having recently been felt up by an elephant. I may have murmurred something about being slapped by a chimp, but as parents sometimes do, they brushed it off or assumed i was talking about pokemon.
To this day, i'm not sure that my parents are even aware that i was chimp-slapped in thailand.
What brought all of this on?
There's a white elephant gift exchange tonight, and white elephants are sacred in Thailand. I figured i should share.
I work with actors daily. Some are a bit pompous and full of themselves, others are as sweet and genuine as you'd hope they'd be. However, i've been trying to really put my finger on what seperates a legend from your workaday actor.
I believe I found it in an old timey film called WAY OUT WEST. If an actor can pull something like this off, he or she is has a skill AND talent. That my friends, is worth its weight in gold around these parts.
Friends, it is a rare moment indeed when I cry the huzzahs of a chanteuse. Last I tried was the whole Mika/Grace Kelly thing, but this time i bring you something delicious and equally effeminate.
Camille.
Those of you who loved RATATOUILLE as I did, will recognise this lady from the audio track and the free CD we got in VARIETY today.
But there's so much more. I Encourage you to check out her site, HERE Or if you're too lazy, try the links below. A charming and very vrench voice with a superb energy and the ability to explore musical forms without losing her inherent froginess. Please, Please check it out, you'll be longing for Paris in no time.
My dental history reads like a Russian Novel. Hundreds of characters hurtling towards eventual ruin, and not a happy moment in sight.
For starters, my teeth are retarded. It seems that my canines (The pointy meat-eating teeth in the front), never came in. They just didn't. Where my canines SHOULD have been, there was a gap. So my parents, being the sort who care babout their children, decided to enter me into a journey of Braces, Retainers, Headgear, Veneers, and endless other dental procedures, in order to make me look presentable. To that end I've aided them by losing about 30 retainers in various fast food trash cans, breaking braces in the middle of european vacations, refusing headgear, breaking teeth, losing teeth, etc. Never knowing that they were all the while planning their revenge. It seems that the doctors and my parents plotted in my young days to "Fix" my teeth by pushing back teeth forward, and sharpening baby teeth to look like canines. An aesthetically reasonable decision that came with a caveat. "Eventually, the baby teeth will rot off. Then we can just put some crowns in and all will be well."
Ah "eventually", may you be far in the future.
Well, time passed and the much feared Wisdom teeth were complete No-Shows, proving ample speculative fodder to jokes regarding my posession of widom.
One day about 2.5 yrs ago, while noshing on a particularly uncooperative frozen banana, "Eventually" chipped my left front baby/faux canine. Not a big chip, and certainly one I chose to ignore.
Eventually, maybe about a year ago, darkness descended on my toof. ("TOOF" is a bad tooth, in the Alf lexicon) I was faced with the horrible reality that I should probably figure that shit out. So I made a decision to go see a Dentist, as I chewed on the ice from my drink, i felt my molar go. Awwwcrap! now i had 2 repairs. but the Molar hurt. Bad there was something exposed there. I went to the DDS. He says "We need to fix that molar". I get it fixed to the tune of a cool K, straight out of my pocket. "Now, about your canine. We need to see a specialist, who will fit you with a new tooth."
I $ee.
"It'll involve some slight jaw surgery that i can't do here, but i have a great guy"
Yeah.
So a year later, here i am. My toof doesn't hurt, its not too black, but there it is. Its almost a tribute to my inability to get all my shit together. Every time i flash a smile I'm reminding people "It's ok, but I don't have dental insurance"
I sot of like it. It's extra sharp, almost weapon like. I gnawed on my old phone with it, and the marks were sweet. Moreover it makes me imperfect in a town where that's considered somewhat unique. I also consider it a visual reminder of how much better i need to be doing. Every morning, i wae up, smile, brush my teeth and gently remind myself. "Today, you will get people jobs. Today, you move one step closer to dental insurance."
Not much of a post, i know. But i was feeling self-concious about the toof on Saturday, and felt i should explain myself.
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