Smarty Pants Moustache Man

The Trap of Reciprocal Following on Twitter: How following your followers can hurt your message

2010-12-09T13:10:00.000-08:00

Let me begin by saying that my choice to not have our brand follow all our followers has assuredly cost me numbers. It's been a long struggle and something I've questioned about our social media strategy from the very start as well as something I've had to defend from peers, casual critics, and social media pros alike.

The first of the two main arguments for reciprocal following is that it makes your followers feel like you are interested in them as well, and willing to be part of their conversation.

We all know the fallacy of that argument. We do not, in fact, give a rat's ass about what our followers had for dinner, nor do they EXPECT us to give a rat's ass. They care that we interact and opine on things they choose to interact with us about, but it would be weird and almost intrusive for The Comedy Store to comment on all our follower's tweets. Even if a random interaction is healthy and fun (Which they are.) they can be achieved without reciprocal following.

The second argument is a bit more undeniable. Choosing not to follow back affects the numbers of people who remain your followers. To that, I say "good riddance". Social media needs to cure itself of the "Thanks for the add" and number collecting mentality that helped drive Myspace into the ground. Reciprocal following only encourages number collecting in others and spammers who depend on that mentality to inflict their awfulness on the general population. Your content should be reason enough for your numbers. Your retweets and your interaction should be driving your numbers, not some sort of false feeling of inclusion and certainly not something sketchy like an algorithm.

Keeping the accounts you follow low and relevant allow you to further expand on what your brand stands for and what is important to you and your followers. The Comedy Store follows Scientists, Art Museums, Writers, Politicians, Local Businesses, as well as The Comedians who perform here and Comedians we WISH would perform here. Retweeting those people, and interacting with them is just as important for your brand management especially if you plan on expanding your sphere of influence to include content curation, a lifestyle blog and eventually the Holy Grail of online marketing, which is quality original content.

At the end of the day, the question for your brand must be whether its a simple numbers game or if you are preparing your followers for the expansion of your brand and cultivating a sense of ownership in something greater than just a company or a twitter account.

Citysearch at Rorke's Drift

2010-11-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

Its an amazing thing to watch a company shoot itself in the foot. You'd think that there would be some sense of perspective inside a company that gathers opinions like Citysearch does, but when the promises of social media don't save your ass entirely, you feel like placing the blame somewhere and the hippies writing tweets and creating "community" seem like the perfect place to clean house. It seems to be a trend for companies to cut out their heart in an effort to save the body. The highest profile example of this was MySpace as they tried to be more like facebook and twitter, they slashed their music and comedy staff, the ONLY parts of MySpace that were actually working for them. Comix, the comedy club in NY, is in a similar boat having rid itself of the innovative Ochi's Lounge and holding "Club Nights" in the space in order to make ends meet. Who knows if that will work? My guess is that half a nightclub and half a comedy club make for a whole mess. Pabst Blue Ribbon after being bought by Los Angeles businessmen, is going through a similar rehashing where their Social Media reps are being slashed and community outreach is being curtailed in lieu of more traditional advertising. Ballsy, considering that PBR's success has been largely in part to its grass roots, divey, image. Now, Citysearch is getting rid of its editorial staff. Facebook pages, twitter accounts, and outreach are at a standstill.

The thing that all of these companies have in common, aside from their clumsy willingness to do away with the things that define them as unique, is the ominous and crushing competitor that looms over their very existence. MySpace had facebook biting at its heels, Comix has 3 more established Comedy Clubs in NY hoping for its demise, PBR has actual beer to compete with, and Citysearch has the behemoth known as Yelp.

All of this reminds me of on of my favorite movies- ZULU!

When faced with overwhelming odds (Ten thousand Zulu Warriors Vs. your 150) , you button up the top button your tunic, straighten up your pith helmet, and do what you do best. You are, after all, you. No one is a better "You" than you are, so you become the best "you" that you can be.

So who is Citysearch if not their content? They are no Yelp. Yelp's user generated content is a fearful and vengeful beast compared to the insightful tips generated by Citysearch's staff. Yelp is so big, that an attempt to compete rather than finding your niche and growing there, could result in the utter ruin of your brand by playing catch up where there is no need in a playground that's too big. This of course is assuming that competition with Yelp is behind the seemingly suicidal moves at Citysearch. Even if there is a just a tech readjustment, the personality crisis will probably be too much. Who wants to reimagine Citysearch as Citygrid when you can just "Yelp it"? All of this smacks of the manic "Changes" at Myspace before it settled into its current and smaller role. Unfortunately with the loss of E-Vite (Yes guys, e-vite is done, just admit it.) can "Citygrid" get any smaller before disappearing? Again, this is just assuming that it might be some sort of misguided rebranding. It could be, most horribly, a vicious cost cutting of full time professionals for cheaper part time labor which is illegal in places like France.

Whatever the case, I'm sure that this decision was not come to suddenly, and I'm sure the powers that be are well aware that they are risking a lot by switching gears rather than by reinforcing the strong points.

The lesson from this, I suppose, is yet to be seen. Rather than buckling down and relying on what works for them, like the men at Rorke's drift, Citysearch has doubled down that reinforcements and a new strategy will win the day, much like another heroic stand at a mission.

2010-09-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

The Streamy Awards: Accelerated Growth

2010-04-12T15:23:00.001-07:00

Imagine going from a toddler to a teen in all its ghastly awkward horror, in one year. Forget the buildup of hair growth and hormones, voice changes and acne. Imagine you go from playing in a sandbox to a full-on first semester of college. I mean you wouldn't have the accumulated experience of dealing with idiots in Middle School, or disappointment in PE class, or even your victories at speech and debate in High School or the bizarre sexual tensions of glee club and marching band. Hell, those who lack the maturity for college even after HS, end up dropping out after their first semester, with syphilis, a terrible tattoo and trying to figure out who will take half a semester's worth of failing credits for their abortive Philosophy degree. The Streamy awards flung themselves into that very situation last night as they experienced for the first time what precisely it is to hold a major event where people have expectations of you.

Let me just say, that this is not a Streamy bashing post. It's not. Anyone expecting me to make comparisons of last night's show to the Polish President's airplane will be disappointed.

All of us who love Teh Webz, have a vested interest in seeing the Streamy awards succeed. In fact, many of us were there not because we were entirely familiar with the content or the talent, but rather because we are part of the online community to who it is beneficial to be elevated by the prestige that comes with a well publicized and industry-wide awards show. The value of the Streamy awards is undeniable. However, the lack of self worth was evident in the production last night. What is a Streamy? Who is "The Academy"? Why did the kid from Wizards of Waverly Place present an award, and how is it that I know what Wizards of Waverly Place is?

The very first Academy Awards were a small dinner. The winners were announced a month before so they would show up, and they later agreed to not divulge the winners to the press until 11 PM the day of. From such humble beginnings came the lunatic 4 hour telecast we see today. The prestige and time commitment was earned from the 15 minute radio announcement that covered it early on ,to the 2 hour shows of the forties, and to the 4 hour monsters we have today

To say that the Streamy awards grew quickly is an understatement. 3.5 hours is difficult to fill, and as someone who works with Venues, I also know how trying it can be on audiences to sit still. Oscar night overnight, is not easy to do, and next year's Streamy awards need to fulfill the high expectations, quickly.

We all want the Streamy awards to succeed, we want the online community to have their awards show, but we are running against the clock and its only a matter of time before The Emmy Awards decide to add online categories thereby making the Streamys irrelevant. If we want to keep this as part of our community, and we should, then it is up to everyone who can to help The Streamy awards grow, and for the producers to call on the multidisciplinary talents of the web to produce a show worthy of the web.

And to find a liquor sponsor so there's an open bar at the after party. I wouldn't have ordered an "Atomizer" if i didn't think it was free.

If you want a review of the show itself, THIS ONE about sums it up.

"Professionals"

2010-02-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

This is why I avoid "Mixers" and "Networking Events".

Amazing Concept

2010-02-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

Flattr.com - How Flattr Works from Flattr on Vimeo.

Appreciate content? Say so with $.

Bad Habits

2010-02-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

"I’m starting to wonder if pop culture is in its dying days, because everyone is able to customize their own lives with the images they want to see and the words they want to read and the music they listen to. You don’t have the broader trends like you used to...Now, everyone basically is their own microculture, their own nanoculture, their own generation."- from a recent Douglas Coupland interview

Yesterday morning, Google released the "buzz". Its latest attempt at digging into the social media phenom, and forcing its way into your life even more-so than knowing everything you do.

Google wants to know who you do with it too, and with all signs pointing to social searches and curating as the next big step in online social media evolution, it would make sense that our favorite search engine would, in their attempts to keep it all so very real and do no harm, want to dip into the nourishing, feel-good pond of social media.

So, WTF?

Why is it, in less than 24hrs, being considered the "Meh" heard around the world when earlier posts were referring to it as "Facebook Killer" and "the next step"? Suddenly the web is largely in agreement that "Buzz" is a stillborn endeavor. Bloggers who were screaming and shouting in excitement at the launch are now ashamedly admitting that there's not that much to Buzz about. The excitement from the announcement is now turned to red faced embarrassment.

Again.

Social media is young. Very young. The power is not fully tapped,and many if not most people are not fully connected. In fact, the major players in SM are still learning the basics. Is anything more painful than watching Facebook's growing pains?

Those of us who have found a niche in the world of SM can be swept away by the amazing connections we can make with each other, the elegant beauty of finding our brothers and sisters can be mesmerizing. Yet, to our horror, we can find horribly tacky or worse, easily manipulated trending topics on Twitter. I'm still repulsed by every "For every person that posts this on their profile, so and so will donate whatnot to blah blah." that i see posted on a FB status. The much loathed "Post this to receive a free Mac (It really works, really!)" still makes an appearance, and I can only assume that Nigerians are still at the scheming because it still works from time to time, and so we must look at ourselves as the first generation of Social and Online Media Pros and accept our limits.

Yes, this is no longer the community that ruined MySpace by friending every bot and spammer out there, yes we are a wiser more careful audience with potential. However, the biggest obstacle to Social Media is not so much unlocking its potential which continues to astound and evolve almost daily, but rather the breaking of bad habits.

One one end, we see the astounding shortsightedness of Music Labels and their continuing and losing fight against file sharing / their illogical sense of ownership to their music, and on the other end of the spectrum we see the bizarre and dare I say, delusional, example of "Ronna and Beverly". I've never seen Ronna and Beverly, so I'll reserve judgment on the quality of the show itself, but rather heap thunderous, Olympian, judgment on the blogosphere and SM pros who got caught up in the excitement once more.

The story is a pretty common one in Hollywood. A pilot gets made, everyone involved loves it. For reasons unknown (Most likely it tested poorly with audiences), the network doesn't allow it to see the light of day or fills in some empty air time and that's the end of it. In certain situations, producers will shop the product elsewhere, and in more extreme situations there will be a public whine about the show. Long ago, an ad on Variety would do the trick. Now, social media is the stage. The writer of Weeds / Ronna and Beverly, along with some of the producers, decide to harness the power of Teh Webz. So, with the help of high profile Twitter users like The Office's Rainn Wilson they generated a mild buzz. Buzz enough to get the attention of blogs like the WSJ article linked above, and enough buzz to get a modest number of sycophants and hangers on to do their bidding, show unseen. The result? Well, what result? Showtime has been quiet on the subject, and the sudden flurry of attention about a grass roots online movement being able to change programming seems to have been like excitement over the iPad, and Google Buzz, premature. Showing the true Achilles heel of social media is its susceptibility to influence by MSM and corporations.

The majority of us, bloggers, SM pros, and users alike, are still very tapped in to the corporate mindset. For every Mac Air, there has been 2 amazing innovations, so its easy for us to hope and want to believe that Mac has some magical trinket that will transform our lives up its sleeve. Who isn't a fan of the Office? When Rainn Wilson tells me to support something, maybe he'll give me props. So goes the mindset of every generation, till now.

Those of us who grew up with the influence of corporate America in our after school and Saturday morning cartoons, in our toys and lunches, must be more vigilant than those kids who are now growing up with the added influence of the web, with the far more powerful influence of peers, family, and personalities.

The most powerful connections, the lifelong connections, for SM professionals and corporate accounts, are those made at a personal level with the consumer.

NBC may have made the decision to keep Jay Leno over Conan O Brien based on hard numbers, but they fail to consider the generation that will remember "I'm with Coco" over who was the successor to Carson. NBC is not investing in its future, rather it is allowing the conversation to be had without its active participation. It will take NBC years to recover from its decision to be so unfeeling towards the sincere expressions of love towards "Coco", as will it take Google some time to recover from the stupid "Buzz" release and even less time for Apple to recover from the iPad.

We must be weary of manufactured hype and emotions. They are the fossilized remains of insincere and manipulative marketing tactics that are slowly fading away to a true connection to the consumer. Tomorrow's consumer will be able to spot those a mile away, and they'll reward your help and sincerity tenfold. We best be getting used to it. In the meantime remember:

Vice is all groweds up.

2010-02-06T02:11:00.000-08:00

For all the pithy comments in Vice Mag about how people dress, cocaine fueled nights, and boobs, this report from Liberia is one of the most relevant and pieces of journalism I've seen in a long time.

Announcing The Cheese of the Year!

2010-01-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

In observation of National Cheese Lover's Day I am happy to announce my choice cheese for the New Year.

2008 was the year of Manchego. The sharp and stout Spanish cheese was a great way to introduce everyone to the world of finer cheeses without insisting on the soft and aromatic goats and bries that everyone considers "Fancy". Manchego is what I describe as a "stealth sheep" so good, that the green can't fathom its complexity. We can also say that 2008 was the year of Humboldt Fog. A fine California cheese with layers of taste AND ash that made it a particularly exciting cheese when cut right.

2009 was completely owned by Roaring Forties Blue Cheese which is widely accepted as the most exciting Blue Cheese in years. To eat a sliver is to have a dance in your mouth of almost a minute as the complex veins and flavors dissolve on your tongue.
I'm salivating just thinking about it.

2010 is a challenge for all my From-Friends. It is a commitment to adventure, and a financial investment in a cheese that is a landslide of complexity. Mimolette the cheese made to order by Louis XIV, is my new love of the year. Albeit a touch pricey, Mimolette, like Manchego , has the rustic base that appeals widely, but a refinement that cheese lovers can really hang on to. The nuttiness makes it an ideal "Beer Cheese" but you can pair it with any strong wines.

Go get em.

My Grandpa

2010-01-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

My Grandpa is 92 and still writes a daily trivia and advice column for the biggest Newspaper in Mexico.

He does this every day by hand and gives it to my grandma, who then types it up and E-mails it. Then, Grandpa gets fussy about e-mail until we receive the confirmation, at which time Grandpa starts research for the next day's column.

Smarty-Pants Moustache Man Tumblr

2010-01-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

Mustache Patronage

2009-12-13T08:02:00.000-08:00

Of all the kooky bizarre things the Catholic Church has to offer, the veneration of Saints has to be my favorite. Just like a pantheon of pagan gods, saints are assigned patronage to specific things and praying for their intervention in their area of expertise or causes of which they are the patron is a time honored tradition, in spite of common sense.

We are all familiar with Saint Patrick the patron saint of Ireland, snakes and toothaches, and of course Saint Valentine, the patron saint of affianced couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, plague, travelers, and young people. I know. Bee keepers, right?

Saint Nick? Patron of bankers and pawnbrokers, I shit you not.

National saints? Sure thing. England has Saint George, Scotland has Saint Andrew , Wales has Saint David. Austria gets five with Joseph, Maurice, Coloman, Leopold, and Florian. Italy tops out at six, with Bernardine of Siena, Catherine of Siena, Francis of Assisi, Our Lady of Loreto, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, and Our Lady of the Snows.
What about the U.S of A? The Blessed Virgin Mary herself is our patron, while Papua New Guinea gets St. Michael the Archangel, who also happens to be the patron Saint of Paratroopers, which is pretty badass.

The whole thing is fascinating if nothing else and you can get your saint fix anytime at CATHOLIC ONLINE .

Why all this sudden fussing about saints, you may ask? Well, after our team of four were declared "World's Greatest Santa" at the LA Santa-con yesterday for trouncing everyone in the Scavenger hunt, i figured i should refresh my knowledge of the actual Saint Nick, and see if I was wrong when I claimed he was the patron saint of beards and facial hair. Not only was I wrong, since there is no patron saint of facial hair, but i was giving the title to someone far less deserving. Saint Nick's beard holds nothing to what I stumbled on.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give ye Saint Wilgefortis.

Betrothed to a heathen king by her father, so the story goes, Wilgefortis who's name is a derivation on the latin "Virgo Fortis"or "Strong Virgin", prayed to god that she would become hideous and therefore be spared the unhappy marriage. Sad, right? So the next day, she wakes up to find that she's grown a full beard!

God is hilarious.

The pagan king is grossed out, and the marriage is cancelled. Hooray!

But Wilgefortis' dad is so pissed off that she and her god did this, that he has her crucified. Boo!

THE END

Talk about your joke backfiring, huh? You'd think God in his omnipotence could have seen that coming, right? Whatever.

The cult of Saint Wilgefortis was all sorts of popular in the middle ages, so much so that the monks at the abbey where her wooden statue was, had it plated in silver to prevent erosion from all the pilgrims kissing her feet. It is said that when a poor minstrel played at the statue, one of the silver slippers came off as a reward from the saint. Which is a nice way of saying "It was stolen". However, that explains why she has only one shoe in the statue above, but it does not explain her enormous Sasquatch feet in the same sculpture.

Needless to say,that Wilgefortis with her sad story of a heavenly practical joke gone horribly awry, should absolutely without a doubt be new patron saint of mustaches and beards in general, as well as the patron saint of bearded ladies, which she already is. I encourage the Vatican's commission on gobbledygook and totes ridiculousness to look into the matter as soon as possible.

Now enjoy this lovely music video i found of a song by Rebecca Clamp about Wilgefortis.

War is over

2009-12-08T21:09:00.001-08:00

More Art from The Lady who designed "Mad Men Me"

2009-12-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

Fallen Princesses

2009-11-29T20:04:00.000-08:00

As I look forward to seeing the much ballyhooed and newest "Disney Princess" in THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG I find myself tickled by photographer Dina Goldstein's less than idyllic take on what the future holds for our fairy tale heroines. The super saccharine characters are easy enough to lampoon, but Goldstein manages to add just the right amount of sympathy to the general sense of comeuppance that we all crave, to make it almost as poignant as it is clever.

See the whole set HERE

Cogito ergo DM

2009-11-23T10:19:00.000-08:00

Or should it be "DM ergo sum"? Regardless of the Latin, there's a point to made. As a marketing professional, i often have forbidden fruits dangled before me.

"I've produced an algorithm."

Is usually the first sign of trouble in Social Media. Followed quickly by the words "Viral" and "Blast". All of those connote a detachment from the wondrous teeming, bubbling, and ever evolving mass that is Teh Webz and how, despite the technology and ways of "tricking" people into receiving your message, there is nothing as powerful as a loyal customer spreading your message of his/her own accord. As my dear friend mAcslost said, "What is the ROI on a friend that helps you move? What's the price on that long term relationship?"

So true. Like any friend, a SM professional needs to know what favors to ask and what is too much of an infringement on their relationship with their followers. We often walk a fine line, understanding the necessity of mass e-mails but not wanting to go into the SPAM folder. Needing to reach out, but not be so callous and so to the point that your customers learn to disregard your message.

Two things reared their heads this previous week that I'd like to address. Both were tempting in their effectiveness and both I ultimately passed on, simply because I am personally uncomfortable with how intrusive they are.

Firstly, i had myself an apoplexy when i received a DM to my company's Twitter account from one of our competitors. "You have been invited to (EVENT DETAILS)"

I was livid. I received that message on my phone, in my E-mail, and on my Twitter. 3 messages at once from my competitors made me angry at the invasion, and jealous that their message had infiltrated so entirely. I looked to my SM peeps to validate my outrage. By a huge majority we all agreed that a mass DM was considered "Twitter Spam" and would ultimately damage them more than help. Officialy, you give people who you follow the right to DM you, and they are within their rights to do so. However it is in bad form, and a breach of "Twettiquette". Though I sit here in my SM tower and cast judgment on their SM fumbles , though our SM community dwarfs theirs in numbers and community involvement , I also know that their one Spammy, BS, DM was seen by every one of their followers. The temptation to follow suit is enormous.

The second was similar in nature. Text message marketing. I know people must opt in, I understand that its highly effective, I just don't like it. I think our brand needs as much goodwill as possible and douchey marketing like Texting, overzealous E-mail "Blasts", and "Twitter Spam" are harmful to our image.

Ultimately, it's a personal decision for SM professionals. For my money and many of the people that i work with, goodwill, respect, and a knowing nod to our community acknowledging that we "Aren't like THAT" is worth more than the potential returns from such direct and aggressive advertising. There are people who market by wrapping a building in their message, there are people who buy electronic billboards, there are those who blast and spam and plan to "go viral". I am not one of them, and my brand will not suffer those indignities. We aim to build a community out of respect and goodwill. We will talk to our customers when we e-mail them, and direct message them, we will not be talking at them.

That's just how we roll.

Social Media ROI (God. Just writing that makes me sweat)

2009-10-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

At an astoundingly douchey mixer held by the club promoters of the digital world (Digital LA), I was approached by a very pushy young man who was hocking applications. After figuring out my position in our Company and my affinity for Social Media, he posed the question "What is your ROI?".

I thought about it for a moment, and I responded. "We don't speak ROI, we speak relationships and community."

He laughed nervously, and i ran away.

ROI? Good grief, doesn't he know that social media is all about Teh Gudwillz and teh Relashunshipz? I have since obsessed. The positive impact of our SM campaigns is evident to me, but our bottom line would still seem unaffected. How do I convince the boss folk that this is a good investment?

Below is a starting point. Obviously for a small business like ours, it's not necessarily all applicable, but its a start on what I'm sure will be a lengthy discussion as SM begins to settle into its place as in the world of brand management, public relations, and marketing.

Olivier Blanchard Basics Of Social Media Roi

View more presentations from Olivier Blanchard.

I am increasingly Opposed to our involvement in Afghanistan

2009-10-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

An exchange in the WH Situation room with The VP and the President's advisors.

"Can I just clarify a factual point? How much will we spend this year on Afghanistan?" Someone provided the figure: $65 billion. "And how much will we spend on Pakistan?" Another figure was supplied: $2.25 billion. "Well, by my calculations that's a 30-to-1 ratio in favor of Afghanistan. So I have a question. Al Qaeda is almost all in Pakistan, and Pakistan has nuclear weapons. And yet for every dollar we're spending in Pakistan, we're spending $30 in Afghanistan. Does that make strategic sense?" The White House Situation Room fell silent.

Read more at: The Huffington Post

Barack's Nobel

2009-10-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

It is a shock, no doubt. Nobody expected our President to receive the Nobel Prize. What has he done? He's only been in office for less than a year? Hell! He was only eligible to win as president for 2 months before nominations were closed. Is this the Nobel committee's way of giving a final insult to the Bush administration, who's critics (Al Gore, Paul Krugman) seemed to be winning prizes left and right for the last few years? Or is it more important than that?

I think the key to the Nobel Committee's decision lies in the brevity of time that Barack Obama has spent as President. Just as it is the most shocking part of the announcement that mere months into his presidency he's won a prize given to MLK and TR, the fact remains that President Obama has turned the global conversation back towards unity, hope and diplomacy in a VERY SHORT TIME. A few years ago, this country was still coping with the fact that we tortured detainees. We were mired in conversations about whether or not Waterboarding was considered torture, and dealing with a war fought under false pretenses. Remember the awful images of Saddam Hussein being executed? Remember? It seems a world away. We are now debating taking care of each other (Health care), our focus lies in bettering this world and not in creating tactical nukes and alienating friends with missile shields.

President Obama, through peaceful political means changed the entire direction of global politics by inspiring the world's most powerful nation to hope and better ourselves. We are now talking to Iran, with a heavy hand and backed by all our allies, including those who previously supported Iran. The world is already a safer, and more united place because a Hawaiian-born African American man from Chicago decided we still could. Imagine this world under McCain and Palin. Remember this world under Bush and Cheney think of how much has changed in a year, and then ask yourself in 2009 who else has done so much to bring people together? I can't think of a single more powerfully uniting figure.

Congratulations, President Obama. Well deserved.

Twitter Killers?

2009-10-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. This is my second post in a row about Twitter that has a question as its title. I know the posts have been Social Media heavy lately, and I know I owe you all my analysis of Chicago's failed bid for the 2016 games, but bear with me my dears, as I spin a yarn of greed, ego, and the powers that our personal accounts and engagement are up against.

Gather round Tweeps, and Facebook friends. Tumblrs and MySpace pervs.

The whole thing began about a month and a half ago when one of the top 6 agencies in town sent over someone who referred to himself as a "Social Media Agent" to meet with the celebrity I work with from time to time. Astounded at the notion, since social media doesn't pay off directly, and talent agencies are very aggressive in monetizing everything, and 10% of nothing is bupkes, I was eager if not thrilled to see what this guy knew and what his insight might be into monetizing SM.

When he arrived, I was a touch shocked. Was it possible that a man well into his forties could have insight into SM ? I'm in my early thirties and I can barley keep up, could it be that this man had the tech savvy that I lacked and therefore some sort of insight into monetization that would make everyone very rich? I listened to his pitch with five people present in the room.

The pitch went as follows:

There is a huge amount of money to be made by celebrities who Tweet.

He has a Company that is willing to pay per commercial tweet according to the amount of followers a celebrity may have.

The company hosts a variety of brands that the celebrity can choose from, so the celeb could choose brands that are applicable.

The company requires every fifth tweet to be a commercial with up to 40 tweets a day for it to be profitable.

With the formula pitched, Ashton Kutcher could make over one million dollars monthly.

Naturally there were questions to be asked.

Firstly, the Celebrity in question has an honest but unimpressive 5k followers. Not nearly enough for it to be worth it.

"That can be easily addressed with a service we employ that can artificially boost your numbers. We could have you up to 50k in 2 weeks."

They don't pay per click, they pay per follower?

"Yes, but who knows how long they'll be doing that for. So we have to get on this right away so we can get the numbers up and the tweets going."

Is the tool you use to boost the numbers Ok by twitter?

"Well, not exactly. Which is another reason why we would need to get on this right away."

Who else is doing this?

"Well, if say Ashton Kutcher would do it.."

Is he?

"No, but if he were.."

Why wouldn't he want an extra 1 million a month?

"I don't know."

Ok, so Ashton doesn't do it, but you haven't told us who. So who else would be interested in doing something like this?

"Well, we want to keep clients protected."

At this point the celebrity interjected. "Do I have to tweet and choose the ads myself or can my guys do it?"

"Oh for sure your staff can do it, 40 daily tweets is a lot."

The celeb's assistant sank into his chair. But the feeling of all in the room is that this bit of sketchiness would not see the light of day. I was glowing at being able to thwart something that would be detrimental not only to the celeb's brand, but to the Twitter community as well. After all, posting for a profit defeats the idea of sharing. Its filling a quota and manipulating. It goes against what the Twitter community is all about, and leaves the door open for the profit hungry "Man" that drove MySpace into the ground. I had come head to head with the capitalist machine and managed to defend my online socialist utopia for another day. God bless the EFF and Creative Commons, keep your filthy corporate greed out of our web, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

This was 45 days ago.

Yesterday it all resurfaced with the acquisition of 2 interns who's duties include Tweeting. Calls were made and the whole mess is a "go". Now it is up to the Twitter community to react. Do we reject advertisement as a part of feeds altogether? Is an individual endorsement more valuable when not contractual? (See? It does connect to the previous post.) All this remains to be seen. I have faith that something so sneaky and ill conceived has little to no place in the twitterverse. However, i have noticed something that insists on a caveat for this sort of marketing on Twitter.

Which leads to this site.

Although i believe that weight loss products and Acai Berry drinks are beneath LAist, their tweets are transparent, and we do not expect a personality or a connection to a website like we would a brand. Their twitter feed is simply links to their blog and their blog makes money off of ads, ergo this is fair play. This cannot be said of corporations and celebrities who use twitter to further their personal brand. Their unspoken contract with the web and in social media participation is to provide the public with information about themselves with goodwill and without trying to make a cynical buck off of us. However, if we find ourselves following celebs, and clicking on their every link with the same blindness with which we accepted hookers and club promoters as our MySpace "friends" then the FAIL Whale is upon us and we can only watch the potential of yet another Social Networking site diminished and destroyed by corporate greed. It really is up to us.

A sucessful contractual Twitter feed?

2009-10-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

"The ways of the Living Force are beyond our understanding... But fear not. You are in the hands of something much greater and much better than you can imagine."
―Qui-Gon Jinn

A Protocol Droid fluent in over 6 million forms of communication, and able to communicate with binary loadlifters has only NOW discovered the value of Twitter? So it would appear, as Twitter-friendly nerdery everywhere welcomed Anthony Daniels, who is better known throughout the galaxy as C3PO, to the world of Social Media. His newly minted Twitter account handle bears the name ADaniels3PO and he boasts a modest following of 1700 accrued in the short time of 5 days.

It would make perfect sense that someone who owes his career to the genre of Science Fiction would be tapping into the Nerd/Geek rich world of social media, where no matter how mainstream things are, they retain an air of geeky innocence. However, such has not been the case for Mr. Daniels who's recent discovery of Twitter happens to happily coincide with a new website and the beginning of his national tour with Star Wars in Concert. Is it possible that someone in the marketing department for Star Wars In Concert was prescient enough to see Mr. Daniels as an indirect marketing tool? Contractually obliging him to a twitter feed seems contrary to the "Feel-Good Community" of Twitter, but the opportunities for the concert can hardly be ignored. When a visual music and lights show starring your favorite movie rolls into town, who better to be a spokesperson than one of the stars? It takes the notion of celebrity, product, and word of mouth to a whole new level.

Do I think it was a draconian marketing person who put him up to it as a part of some awful, greedy contract? No. Should Marketing people encourage it and make available all resources to those who are promoting their goods? You bet! Anthony Daniels should have the full support of the enormous companies affiliated with Star Wars and the concert, and they should all be touting his Twitter feed. I bet they could pump those numbers well past the 2k mark they have now, and in turn give Mr. Daniels a powerful tool for his personal brand as well as allowing him to maximize his role as a spokesperson for their brand.

Let me put it this way:

I wouldn't know about Star Wars in concert if it weren't for Anthony Daniels. Anthony Daniels would never have told me about it unless it was through his Twitter feed. His Twitter feed inspired this blog post, which in turn, touts Star Wars in Concert. The force is strong in that.

Before we were "Just talking" to the Consumer, VW was "Just Talking" to the consumer

2009-09-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Such ballsy, non-conventional ads in an era where this was unheard of.

A Traditional Cut

2009-09-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is the guy who cuts my hair. He is fantastic. He charges $10 if you have a mustache gives you a glass of rum and a damn fine shave and a haircut. Every guy i know should go to him.

Richie The Barber
7303 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90046
(323) 935-2494

Hours: Mon-Sat. 12:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m.
No Credit Cards

In case you were in doubt.

2009-09-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

A little perspective on where we are heading.

Feliz Dia De la Independencia!

2009-09-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

On this day in 1808, sick of the opression of white Europeans, white Mexican-born Spaniards threw off the yoke of Imperialism and placed it promptly on the indigenous peoples of Mexico. A practice that continues to this very day, and is celebrated with "El Grito!" or "the squeal!", where the President of the republic dons his sash and rings a bell in honor of his American and Narco Overlords.

And an old timey movie that explains the Mexican national anthem and pokes fun at Napoleon III.

MEXICANOS AL GRITO DE GUERRA

Don Draper's Carousel: Lessons for Social Media Marketing

2009-09-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

I had "One of those moments" yesterday, where something I've always felt true was verified by a moment or an authority. I met a young lady yesterday who had graduated from a University with the twin majors of Marketing and Social Anthropology, and she expressed delight in my excitement for her choices. To which I explained that i see the two as being permanently intertwined.

I have always maintained in the inherency of the human experience. A unifying feeling that we have all been through this before, and we all share basically the same journey with minor variations. In marketing, this can be applied in different ways. Our need to breed can be preyed on, the manipulation of imagery is well known, and wordplay, copy, font decisions, music and etymological wizardry can come in handy when attempting to create a reaction to a product on a superficial level. Social Media however, has the honor of having the customer come to you. The customer has found you and they will deliver the message on your behalf, but you must equip them with the ability and desire to spread your message. You must build on their loyalty and do so at a level which connects beyond the obvious and at a very deep level.

Mad Men, is a fantastic show that I adore simply for the Cro-Magnon brazenness of 1960's advertising and how different it is from what we try to achieve through the intimate world of Social Media. When print and television were the only game in town, it was absolutely necessary to appeal to as wide an audience as possible, but when the customer is coming to you as is the case with social media, what sort of message are you sending out in order to be the most effective representative of your brand?

The clip below has received a large amount of attention for the way in which the lead character, Don Draper, during a pitch to KODAK, appeals to emotions that are not sexy or exciting but deeply moving and speak to us on a much more intimate level. So much so, in fact, that one of his colleagues who is having marital issues leaves the room in a rush.

A masterfully written expression of what all social media professionals must inevitably learn. As my mentor Stephen Fry put it so eloquently during his address to the Apple iTunes festival "Deep inside we are very soft people who yearn to love and yearn to be loved, and everything else is incidental, irrelevant, cynical, and not interesting to us fundamentally."

The feelings of belonging, and community that are recreated by our online families within our social media outlets are very real and must speak to that level of connectedness. It is a powerful tool, and when yielded wisely and with sincerity it can have wonderful results. Understanding that connectedness and what make societies and individuals tick at a rudimentary level,like an Anthropologist would, will make you more likely to achieve that goal.

Social Media as the Eye of Sauron

2009-08-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

"The Eye: that horrible growing sense of a hostile will that strove with great power to pierce all shadows of cloud, and earth, and flesh, and to see you: to pin you under its deadly gaze, naked, immovable."- JRR Tolkien

I had an interesting real-time social media moment today that bears repeating as a warning for those who underestimate the immediate power of SM and the PR as well as promotional benefits of being able to listen to your consumer.

I have several Tweetdeck alerts for ongoing projects, brands, etc. One of these is The Comedy Store, my place of employment, which is an incredible, but badly damaged brand. It is a hard sell most of the time, and our product is still not in great shape after 20 something years of complete neglect and a pretty gnarly reputation for being unfriendly to outsiders.

My mantra since arriving here has been built around this Brand Heaven and Hell illustration that I found when I first started dawdling in marketing.

(If anyone can tell me who is responsible for it, I'd love to give him/her credit.)

If you'll note, one of the most basic steps, the FIRST step, in fact, is "Positive interactions".

A customer had a negative interaction today with one of the guys who works our phones. He tweeted about it approximately five minutes after his interaction. Seconds after he tweeted, I received a notice, and read this tweet: "Just called "The Comedy Store" to find out about open mic and the guy was a dick... so nothing unusual."

With that comment, not only was the customer able to let me know that we had dropped the ball, but he also let his 198 followers know as much too. Not only did he tell them that our customer service was terrible, but he also told them we had a history of such things. BAD brand karma. I tried to recover from it, offering the usual free admissions and apologies, but the damage has been done. In real time, with a nearly immediate effect, I saw our brand depleted by one idiot employee's insensitivity and i saw that message delivered into 200 people's feeds, and I pray he's not linked his twitter ans Facebook accounts. This is the world of Social Media, where the negative can be spread as quickly if not more so than the information you export. For someone like me who spends most of his waking hours attempting to paint the kindest, most sincere and positive picture of this place, it is infuriating when that is derailed by an insensitive employee who frankly, is not doing his job. Like Sauron's evil eye, a Negative interaction will find you through social media and "pin you under its deadly gaze, naked, immovable."

Ugh.

*** UPDATE!!
After my overtures the customer above decided to swing by on the day we were holding a special promotion for new comics. I was greeted by this tweet from his stream this morning which I promptly retweeted: "Had a great time at The Comedy Store... people were really nice and it was great fun watching new comics work."

What an amazing interaction.

Why does this make so much sense?

2009-08-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

Gordon Brown: Wiring a web for global good

2009-08-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

In my continued study on the incredible interconnectedness that is afforded us by Social Media, I've been wanting to share this TED talk for a while. To listen to a world leader discuss compassion in such personal terms is one of the most encouraging things I've seen in a long time.

Say what you will about Gordon Brown and his policies, he is a deeply sensitive and intelligent man

Kings and Queens Heroes and Heroines

2009-08-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

“O Kate, nice customs curtsy to great kings. Dear
Kate, you and I cannot be confined within the weak
list of a country’s fashion: we are the makers of
manners, Kate; and the liberty that follows our
places stops the mouth of all find-faults; as I will
do yours, for upholding the nice fashion of your
country in denying me a kiss: therefore, patiently
and yielding. ”
—

Henry V Act 5, Scene 2

There are endless justifications in life. We justify happenings actions and attempt to reason away things that make us unhappy or make ourselves feel better about circumstances.I know that personally i justify a few whoppers a week, just to get by. And so do we all:

"Everything happens for a reason."
"It's just business"
"I can quit anytime"
"All's fair in love and war"
"It's God's will"
"But they really do love me"

All of these are classic examples of our attempts to make ourselves feel better about crummy decisions we make, and the general disasters that life presents us and the ones we hand each other.I blame no one for their desire to rationalize or justify but sometimes it does us well to confront that fact and be merciful to ourselves and others by being a little more plain-spoken and realistic. As I step back and momentarily become Emerson's "Transparent Eyeball" (A moment is really all I can afford of serious introspection right now), I find myself reverting to what i consider my moral center while i contemplate and justify decisions I have made in life, some not so wise, in pursuit of my own little holy grail of making this place better through my ability to engage people in a pleasant manner and bring to them entertainment and laughter that connects us all. If there is a life thesis for me at the moment, you've just read it.

So as i see my friends in their contented and married lives, many of them with children now, it gives me pause to see how much i've sacrificed in my attempts to maximize my ability to connect in a positive manner. My friend observed last night, that no one else possesses the life skills that I've had to develop for dealing with all the insanity that i bring on myself, and that which is heaped on me by the myriad of strange characters who have chosen similar journeys and are plodding along trying to make sense of it.

It is at times like this when the alienation from so very much seems to be tugging at me while I'm busy with social media, talent booking, joke telling, and the social and emotional slings and arrows of my life that I go to what I have always considered my grand justification. I am not alone.

If i were Christian, I would say Christ is with me. And he is, most certainly. He too sought more from life than a carpenter's spot in the firm of Moses, Abraham and Sons and in turn, his premature death at age 33 (An age I am a week from) resounds even to a hardened atheist like myself.

The sacrifice of comfort, both bodily and mental, the pain and suffering of the individual seeking a greater truth or a metaphorical grail is a story retold over and over in the human experience and our most revered heroes are those who gave of themselves for a larger cause succeeded and redeemed themselves and the world through their sacrifice. That story holds a sacred place in our psyche, and I posit that it is for moments like these where times try men's souls that our ancestors recorded the heroic tales, so as to inspire us mid journey, look at how far we've all come and beckon us to the universality of the journeys of our predecesors who dared step out of the comfort zone.

If we have taken a risk, we have thrown away comfort, and we have taken a step into the brave new world that propels humanity forward. The more steps you take, the greater your discomfort, and when I feel I may break and settle into a quieter version of my charmed life I look to the heroes that continued despite enormous prices exacted on themselves and those who dared support them. I stand on those shoulders and find strength in the heroes around me valiantly beautifying the world and making our communal experience a touch more special for our brief time here.

When I look around me and think what have i accomplished? What is my goal and purpose? I find the greatest justification in our shared journeys and experiences, and I am thankful for those who have kept it together for me. Those who I lean on, and those who like me, continue to charge into the fray on a daily basis at the expense of their physical and mental well-being in hopes that the next day will be brighter for all of us.

That is the mother of all justifications. It justifies why I sometimes feel exempt from certain norms, why i feel entitled to bang my head more often and why sometimes it requires a little more understanding from society and my peers. I do not ask for sympathy. I'm having a great time in my journey and when and if I arrive I'll have done it to the sincere best of my abilities. No shortcuts, no easy answers. For all you great Kings and Queens out there, for all you heroes, take heart in Henry V's words from the Shakespearean play. Be able to look at your world with an open and sincere heart and say "Your rules do not apply to me, I will lead my life as I see fit." and then act out of love.

This is what I tell myself.

Put Pocketing (The product finds you?)

2009-08-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

The most difficult thing in Social Media Marketing is the true life application of your message and product. As we all know, a huge list and following needn't necessarily translate into bums in seats or cash in hand. Walking down the street with an iPhone glued to your hand is hardly a way to live (Ahem). Even then, there must be a merging point between guerrilla marketing and online marketing. A place where your online sense of community can be verified and validated by a very applicable moment in your life. Most marketing folk cede this responsibility to the product which they believe to be the ultimate personal interaction between consumer and brand. While technically true, non traditional brand interaction has been around for a while and a staple in urban settings. In a world like social media, where so much isn't tangible the options for extending your message outside of the realm of intangibles becomes more difficult.

MySpace continues to be the largest Social network that continually throws and promotes events independent of users. In other words MySpace has Myspace events while Twitter, Facebook etc. have only user generated events. Though I firmly believe that FB and Twitter would benefit from expanding into events and producing or at least sponsoring, they are in no danger of being overtaken by MySpace's events division which had enormous cuts inflicted on it despite being the only original and working apparatus in that horribly collapsing structure.

What about your company though? What sort of things can you do to bring that close knit online community together? Tweetups, Tweetcrawls, Facebook Invites are all in the arsenal of Social Media events but to really capture the imagination of potential consumers it takes some innovation at a basic and personal level. The UK based Phone and Broadband Company Talk Talk has taken the notion of goodwill towards consumers and bringing the message home, to a new level. A seamless application of guerilla marketing that does not involve hundreds of dancers and a train station. They have paid former pickpockets to "PUT POCKET" money wrapped with their logo and message into the consumer's pockets and bags. Risky and bold to be sure. But imagine if the evil and draconian AT&T put money into your bag with a nice note and best wishes. Not only would you tell your friends, but you'd certainly feel better about having your pocketbook raped at the end of the month.

The future of advertising will be in the bringing of goodwill and loyalty created by brands in the way that online communities and social networks create the same. By affecting people's lives, emotions,and brand interactions in a positive and relevant manner, rather than by forcing an unwarranted message on the unsuspecting. If you happen to film it, upload it, and distribute it online, then the rewards of that goodwill can be maximized.

Fosse Walk it Out

2009-08-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Some deeply artistic mind decided to perfectly sync footage of Gwen Verdon performing a Bob Fosse routine to the Hip Hop Hit, Walk it Out. The result is what makes the internet so great.

My Official Pitch to Be Blogger Prom King

2009-07-21T11:06:00.001-07:00

You now have no choice but to vote for me.

A Theater Review.

2009-07-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

This Summer saw a great drama unfold at the Little Theater of The Rockies which celebrates it's 75th Anniversary. The play "I Cup" which was based on a never published David Mamet, Tony Kushner collaboration was written and performed by The UNC School of Performing and Visual Arts, and was a monumental undertaking spanning decades. In the lead role lies the seemingly benign and flamboyant Vance Fulkerson. A toupee'd and lifted Musical Theater professor with dreams of establishing a Musical Theater powerhouse in the middle of farm country. With his hilarious anecdotes and unorthodox teaching style ( At one point he has a whole class braying like donkeys and eating invisible apples) Fulkerson quickly establishes himself as the quirkiest in a quirky department.

The first act has some solid performances with Tom McNally as the department chair, who hilariously battles ailments, and personal matters while playing Willy Loman in the play within the play. Also of note are the odd couple of Mary Martin and Heather Hollingsworth who bring some order and more wacky fun accordingly to the frenetic hilarious pace of the first act, and a cameo by Paul Mocovack who is lovably and clearly out of place in the confines of a small town. All the while a continuous parade of handsome young men come in and out of the rascally Fulkerson's office.

It is interesting to note the speed and hilarity of the first act and how they are used by writer/director Vance Fulkerson to draw attention from more sinister happenings. All the while the unseen Dr. Skinner is hot on his trail, Fulkerson manages to distract through incredible acts of stagecraft and powerful audience manipulation. But the chorus of young men is difficult to ignore, and by the end of the first act it is clear that there are severe cracks beginning to appear in the plot and believability of his acting.

The second act takes a dark turn almost immediately. The supporting characters have grown more serious, and so too has the world. Post 9/11 Greeley sees roles reversed with Mary Martin (Now Schuttler) bringing academic credibility with her PhD. Gone are Mockovack and Hollingsworth and their constant comedic presences, replaced by John Leonard and Monty Black who do an honorable job at keeping humor in the slow descent to hell, though in more of a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern manner rather than the Punch and Judy antics of Hollingsworth and Mockovack. McNally has been replaced by the able but noticeably absent David Grapes, and the omnipresent Dr. Skinner has retired, allowing Fulkerson to have complete vulgar control of the mess that is to ensue.

This is where what a once promising play takes a nosedive into a canyon in a great flaming ball of shit, from which the show never really recovers. The discovery of a hidden camera (Talk about a deus ex Machina) by one of the dozens of interchangeable young men who had paraded in and out of Fulkerson's home, inside his bathroom marks the very low starting point of the whole nasty business. Evidently filming urinating men is somehow erotic, though i fail to even remotely understand this. Unbelievably, the litany of cliched sexual misconducts continues, all leading to the inevitable discovery of kiddie porn inside a vault. The unoriginality of this development aside, you would think that this subject matter would be treated with some sort of respect or shame by Fulkerson, who has now been apprehended by the police. Rather than attempt to salvage some decency or give some credulity to an already awful story, Fulkerson, who was perfectly at home playing the rascal in the first act, casts himself into the role of benevolent pornographer. Filming willing participants to raise money for his ailing mother. Un-fucking-believable. Fulkerson's, pleasantly hammy shenanigans in the first act are now completely forgotten and he proves himself a wretch. With hidden cameras, child pornography, abuse of power, manipulation, hair pieces, botox, cave hideouts (I don't want to give everything away) , and the ever present shrill sounds of his musical theater "technique", Vance Fulkerson managed to take a promise of broadway and education and turn it into a fastidious, tacky soap opera in the worst traditions of community theater.

To subject an audience, students, faculty, friends and family to this terrible, terrible grotesque circus is criminal. I am sorry I had to be a part of it. I am sorry that terms like "sexual exploitation of children" ended up smearing themselves all over my cherished memories. In the end, Fulkerson's terrible performance and show underscore what i had suspected all along. That there was little artistic sensibility in this man's life-play. Just tacky horniness underscored by the great American songbook and barely disguised by academia. Run away from this spectacle. Do not look back and do not try to make any sense of it. It is as pedestrian as theater gets.

Please join me next week as i review The Bush Presidency as performed by The Country Dinner Playhouse.

Aaaand Iran, Iran so faar away.

2009-06-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend, the Persian community was out en masse expressing something tied to the Iranian election in front of the federal building on Wilshire. As i drove by the throngs i saw the waving of the familiar tricolor Iranian Flag, but with one noticeable difference. A golden lion in the center holding a saber of some sort.

WHICH is different than the Islamic Revolution flag that we all know and love.

Wikipedia describes the lion symbol as "Traditional in Iranian Heraldry" whereas the symbol on the Islamic revolution flag is described thusly: "a highly stylized composite of various elements representing different facets of Islamic life: Allah, the Book, the Sword, the five principles of Islam, balance, unity, neutrality, and the universal government of the downtrodden." Complex symbolism aside, i find it stunning that the Persian community would hearken to an oppressive Monarchy while "Supporting" people who are giving their lives for a fair, democratic election.

Are the protesters in Tehran opposed to the Islamic Revolution of 1979/80/? No. Their candidate (Mousavi) was Prime Minister in the government and is certainly not a Monarchist or counterrevolutionary.

Ahmadinejad is an embarrassment to Iran, much like G.W Bush was to us, and like Bush, Ahmdinejad is widely despised in the cities for his buffoonery, but embraced by the rural communities on who's ignorance he preys. Despite the discrepancies in voting records, it seems unlikely that Mousavi won the election. We stand behind the people of Iran in this hour, because the people should be able to petition the government through peaceful demonstration without fear of retribution or death. We stand for justice and demand a fair counting of ballots and fair representation of the people. However, if we are to retain a moral high ground (If we have one left)then we must respect and acknowledge the right of the Iranian people of self-determination.

I pray the Persian community of Los Angeles isn't making the same mistake that was made by the Cuban community of Miami where manic anti-Castro sentiment has supplanted common sense. Both the Government of Fulgencio Batista and that of Mohammad Rezā Shāh were governments that collapsed under the weight of their own greed and a total indifference to the suffering of the people.

Inserting monarchist symbols into this is counterproductive, unrealistic and offensive to the memory of those who have already died protesting for fair elections, true representation, and free speech.

There's Sex & Booze, then there's Science and Sex

2009-05-15T12:03:00.001-07:00

This weekend my little brain nerd is at odds with my libido. This weekend marks my second tour of the Playboy Mansion at THIS EVENT. However that means i have to miss some of my favorite Pixar artists and their art at an ehibit called THE ANCIENT BOOK OF SCIENCE AND SEX. For those of you who recall, the same group of artists put together THE ANCIENT BOOK OF MYTH AND WAR, out of which I bought 6 prized prints. Seeing the art for the new exhibit is making me yearn more than I thought it would, considering the option (Which is pretty damn awesome).

In Lieu of attending, I am encouraging everyone to go to to Nucleus gallery and see some of the top artists from Pixar, give their interpretations on a fantastic theme.

Info HERE!

The Future of Marketing

2009-05-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

I have to say, that I'm in a bit of a tizzy over social networking and the new frontiers of Marketing. I have struggled to describe the importance of integrating your brand into people's behavior by being bold, kind, and adapting to their wants and interests, rather than forcing your product onto groups that would not willingly seek it out.

David Armano shared this incredible slide show, that illustrates some basic truths about the future of marketing, social networking, and the myth of "Viral" marketing.

I urge anyone who is interested in social networking and the "MEcononmy" to take a look.
Fascinating stuff.

The Future of Advertising. WTF?

View more presentations from David Armano.

The Top 6 Life-Affirming, "We are one", Cheeseball, Grin Inducing, Online Vids.

2009-04-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

I don't approve of lists. As a thoughtful and curious human being I relish the opportunity to study and research things i find interesting, and lists, especially "Top 5" tend to take on a definitive air that I resent and often disagree with. THAT being said, I love me a good compilation and this one is particularly touching. The power of the web to bring people closer whether through "Chocolate Rain", "Teh Kittehs" or art and acts of kindness as will be displayed below, truly highlights and elevates the human experience, and brings us all face to face with each other forcing us to accept each other's humanity and in turn our own.

#6 "Sound of Music" Train Station

Done for a Belgian cable company but with the bright eyed awesomeness "Improv Everywhere" stunts, the innocence of hundreds of dancing children and adults breaking into "spontaneous" dance to a well-loved musical, makes you believe for a moment, that the world really is a magical place.

#5 Hugging Cops

What happens when the government decides to actually fix a problem rather than punish offenders? You get a moment of whimsical law enforcement that sends out a stronger message than any moving violation ever could.

#4 Stand By Me

The Group "Playing For Change" brings us a beautiful rendition of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. With buskers, street musicians, and artist from around the globe adding their bits, this video is a remarkable tribute to the international language of music.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

#3 Where the Hell is Matt?

In his Internet Phenomenon, Matt Harding visits several countries doing a silly jig and proving that despite international differences, everyone across the world gets a kick out of acting like a goofball from time to time.

#2 Tang Hong Mihn in Love

All the convoluted notions of romantic love, insecurities, dating, barriers, and emotion rendered useless by Tang Hong Mihn.
It is important to note that the little girl is probably Malay and therefore Muslim and that Tang is probably Chinese and Buddhist or Christian. Childhood, like love, knows no barriers.

#1 Yes We Can

Groan, sneer, gnash your teeth, flail your arms wildly, the potency of this video and of the movement that it accompanied has left its mark on history. The Obama Presidency, and even his party's nomination was not a secure thing when this video was released, and "Yes We Can" was launched into the public conscious when this video went viral . The voices of celebrities and common people in this video represents precisely the sort of social awareness and internet savvy that all the other videos had, only in a much much larger scale and with historic results.

Chivalry is Dead, Long Live Chivalry

2009-04-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is because spring has sprung and the lusty warm days of summer are ahead of us, but my mind has been turning to romantic pursuits as of late. I’d generally be worried about being in such a state if I were not also in the throes of my annual philosophical rebirth. My mind turning from the everyday toil to indulge in tender thoughts, has found safety in the lazy river of romantic love. So into a turbulent world of Piracy and Teabagging, of social networking and comedy, and of the beautiful paradox that is southern California that I thrust my sword and call out the ancient battle cry of the Grail King- “Amor!”

Now, if I were to follow through with the Grail King analogy, you would find me castrated by a Saracen representing nature. I hardly need a de-balling by a symbolic Taliban to remind me of the dangers of launching hips first into amorous adventures, especially while wagging my sword under the guise of more noble pursuits. Yet I am recognizing within me a clear-headedness in regards to the quest for romantic love that seems to be at incredible odds with the whirlwind of an existence that I have carved out for myself.

I acknowledge then, that this exquisite intrusion into my reality has been a welcome break, and I sense the urge is strong to bring these desires both mental and physical to fruition. But how the hell do I channel my inner Chivalric romantic self into some real-world lovin’ from a lady worthy of my mighty efforts? Moreover, what will my mighty efforts be?

The answer came to me the other day. While at work my co-worker complained of having to “Play the game”, a complaint that I’ve heard often and am guilty of myself. “The Game” of course refers to the tit for tat of modern courtship. A girl who feels a lusty desire for a man, will counter-instinctually become coy and prudish in order to fulfill some long lost moral code. A lad, knowing full well that his sole intent is to bed a lassie, will nonetheless spend time and money on her, even if that is not required. You must be interested, but not TOO interested. You must be outgoing, but not obnoxious. You can’t call for three days after you meet , you kiss on the first date, but only depending on the mood of the evening. She wants a bad boy with a career, he wants a virgin slut, you do not have sex on the first date, but if you do you shouldn’t expect it to mean anything. You don’t date someone younger than your age, divided by two plus seven. The rules continue, and it becomes obvious that you must, in fact, play a rather self-imposed game.
Why the hell? We demand that others jump through hoops and deny ourselves the gratification we seek. We bang our heads in frustration, beat our chests and scream “WTF?”. What ARE the rules for this DUMB game, and from what ring in Satan’s bunghole did they come?

Chivalry, dammit. Fuckin’ Chivalry. We owe the confusion of modern dating to the chappies who first strutted up to a lady, while sporting tights and a lute, and instead of violating her on the spot, sang her a song. She however, is not blameless. If she had fallen back and spread em at the moment she first began to feel herself swoon, then we wouldn’t be in this mess either. Instead, she gave him a hankerchief, and asked him to come back. He came back after slaying a dragon for her, and she allowed him to kiss the back of her neck, and so on until we are so mired in rules that we abandon them altogether, get drunk, and hope for the best. So why do we find ourselves insisting on applying qualifications to our amorous intents even if we have in the past been exhausted by these self inflicted rules and given ourselves to more base inclinations?

The answer is obvious to all of those who have been through a breakup. The few fortunate enough to have had a hole in one and live in the bliss of never having to look for “more”, will marvel at the difficulty of the quest for those who are single. Having achieved love once we know of the fulfillment that a sharing of hearts can bring and ultimately we surrender to the joy of companionship, friendship and the Nasty. The troubadors discovered what we know to be true. That there is a much higher bliss to be experienced and it is far more rewarding than simply bumpin’ uglies. Which sucks, because the urge to get it on can be a powerful force. But we are wary of those who fail to see the value of an emotional connection. Let’s face it, none of us seem to think that getting it on with everyone all the time is an admirable quality even to those who may practice such physical liberalism. So even those who we would consider horn dogs, or poon hounds (Canine themes, huh. Doggy style?) will opt for the truer and deeper connection.

Ok, we get it. The quest for the Grail IS the true gift , blah blah blah, the journey is as important as the destination, blah blah blah, wow Alf you are so deep and sexy, blah blah blah…how the hell does that help us in the game of love? How can we play without being playas? What sucks for us even more so than the aforementioned suckage of not being able to find fulfillment in shagging our brains out, is that we all KNOW what it takes to play the game successfully, and its not easy. In fact, its as difficult as Chinese Algebra. It is the denial of self. Ugh. It is that moment when the eyes scout out what the heart desires and the self opens up to unlimited kindness, both receiving and giving. I know. I KNOW this is coming from me, but I think or at least hope we all know what I’m talking about. Mercifully our psyches, nature, society and upbringing give us plenty of opportunities to fuck things up.
So how do I intend on keeping this heady selfless stuff in mind while I fumble my way through the beautiful women of Los Angeles? How can a walking boner ever hope to find “Amour”?

By remembering the basic tenets of chivalry:

Strength with Compassion-
Go for it dude, but don’t be a dick about it.
No one likes a wuss, but the overly aggro are being selfish and that’s just not cool. Find that chill spot on the clutch while idling on a hill and get ready to hit the gas or hit the brakes.

Integrity with Boldness-
Be yourself, but be your AWESOME self.
If you act like a party guy all the time you better be a party guy. Me, I can be a little boring and long winded, a tad heady, yes. But I can party like a soccer hooligan should the slightly boring, heady, long winded occasion present itself. False advertising is the realm of douche bags, the desperate, and teen romantic comedies.

Action with Contemplation-
Make your move, but think about the consequences.
This is a toughie, and definitely one that the walking boner has trouble with. All I can say is that you need to really tread carefully and be sensitive to the other person and on what sort of journey are both going. Don’t let your loins get in your way of seeing red flags. Then again, know which red flags you can ignore.

I think that actually covers it. For everyone. I mean, it doesn’t make things easier, but at least we know that this fight has been fought before and we see the evidence of romantic love everywhere. I’d rather try and be a part of it than sit idly by andwait for the occasional carnal delight. So don your armor, and go forth with a pure heart, like the Grail King, you have nothing to lose but your balls.

My Reunion with Skippy

2009-04-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

When i was a wee bairn in the bonnie hills of Pedregal in Mexico City, I was exposed to my first television shows. This being Mexico and pre-cable, I found myself being exposed to the odd mish-mash of programming that the Mexican network execs passed off for programming. There was Odisea Burbujas (Bubble Odyssey) an oddly educational show involving Frog, Lizard, Mouse and Bee Furries who are led across the stars by a red-headed "Professor". Bizzare, yes? Certainly reminiscent of H.R Puffnstuff. There was Disney's world of Color "De Colores", and of course classic American shows like Dukes of Hazzard, Hawaii 5-0, and the Love Boat. All of which were dubbed in Spanish by the same 5 actors who I think are still doing it. It was weird having Captain Stubing have the same voice as Roscoe P. Coltrane, but you're a kid and you go with it.

However, there was one show that blew my infant mind. An Aussie import based on the same insanity that made Flipper and Lassie such hits, but with a certain Outback/Colony feel to it that made it absolutely mesmerizing. The name of the show was SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO. Basically, the premise is that in an desolate Ranger station in the outback a child with no friends ends up making friends with a genius Kangaroo that communicates with clicks. Not only this, but Skippy had bizzare animal friends like an Emu, and a Wombat who would not only help her (Yes, like Lassie) rescue people in the outback, but would even seek out and apprehend criminals. I KNOW! Your mind is blown.

When we moved to the US in 84, I was absolutely thrilled at American Teevee. Yes, there was already cable in Mexico at the time. I was getting all the latest BETA movies from my dad, grandparents and anyone who stepped foot in the US, along with Happy Meals, Legos and Star Wars toys none of which were available in Mexico at the time (I was as far as I know, the first kid in Mexico to have The Ewok Village). Nothing, could have prepared me for the magical panoply that was Saturday Morning Cartoons. The littles, The Smurfs, The Biskitts (Essentialy Dog-Smurfs), Go Bots, etc. ad nauseum.

Something was amiss, however. No Skippy. Furthermore, whenever i tried to explain Skippy to my Elementary School peers, I was met with the sort of worldly and embracing attitude that can be expected from second graders in Colorado Springs, as they are being told of a Rescue-Kangaroo by the first Mexican they've ever encountered.
Needless to say I dropped Skippy, and adopted the more socially acceptable GIJoe and Transformers. However, in my heart lay a dormant Kangaroo named Skippy.

Fast forward to 2005. I am working at Paradigm Talent Agency, and an Agent (Frank Balkin) is talking to me about TeeVee shows. Out of nowhere, jumps this fantastical tale of Skippy The Bush Kangaroo, and wouldn't you know it, the Internets has arrived. After that magical moment, where for the first time I was able to share Skippy with my co-workers I have waited for the audience and the clip that would encapsulate the entire Skippy experience.

Friends, you are the audience. And here is the clip:

More, you say?

The theme.

The theme as rocked out by a rock band named the Bush Rangers, who dress as the Kelly Gang. Frankly, I almost pooped. Skippy plays the drums.

Asking a Cult Member On a Date

2009-02-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

I had met this girl at one of the thanksgiving dinners i was invited to. I had expressed early interest but a mutual friend (Who is also "In the program") had told me she doesn't date "Outside". I friended her on facebook and then this went down. Names and Dates have been changed to protect the innocent, including the group she was pandering for.

X
hey Alf
7:39pm

Alf
Hey X.
What a pleasant surprise.
7:39pm

X
How r u doing on a raining day
7:39pm

Alf
I am well.
Praying for the day to end.
7:40pm

X
lol
7:40pm

Alf
Seriosuly, I am beat. Long week.
You?
7:40pm

X
yes, arent we all
i had a down day today
but i am alright now:)
7:41pm

Alf
Oh yeah?
7:41pm

X
I heard that u were intersted in going basic?
7:41pm

Alf
Being down and rain are just awful
7:41pm

X
when r u gonna go! i am so excited
7:41pm

Alf
Go where?
7:41pm

X
the training that *** and I went
7:41pm

Alf
Hahaha
I think you mean ***.
7:42pm

X
I dont know who *** is
So iam sure *** meant u
7:42pm

Alf
***'s assitant
I'm pretty sure *** wouldn't make that error
7:42pm

X
well i dono why he said that then...
well are u going then?
7:43pm

Alf
No, i don't think so
7:43pm

X
oh..
7:44pm

Alf
Yeah, not a big "Feeling and action" guy.
More methodical here.
7:44pm

X
feeling and action?
7:44pm

Alf
But i appreciate you wanting to include me.
7:45pm

X
hehe, its good stuff. i can't imagine how anyone wouldnt want to go
but then again, u donno what it is lol
7:45pm

Alf
Ah, well. We all have our journeys to make.
7:47pm

X
ya
7:47pm

Alf
Not big into joint discovery. Bit of loner, finding my own way coming to conclusions etc.
7:49pm

X
i see. that is alright. we are who we are and that is what i love about it, it allows me to have my own experience. u can say its a joint, but its like doing yoga, i am with other people but i am working on my own pace and weakness
7:51pm

Alf
Yeah, I'm constantly working on myself just not in a group, not in front of others, accountable only to myself.
7:53pm

X
ya u didnt seem like u were comfortable with certain things being shown in public last time we hang out. i am just curious how do you do what you do being a reserved individual
7:53pm

Alf
I don't think anyone I know would call me reserved.
As for finding my own answers, yesterday I came to the conclusion that REDACTED
7:55pm

X
and u just came to this conclusion yesterday?
how would it be like if u had conclusions like that x100 within 5 days
7:57pm

Alf
It would bel like taking a life shortcut. I do not believe in shortcuts. I think discovering things on your own prepares you for the next step.
It would be like shooting a movie before writing a script
or writing a script before you have a story
7:58pm

X
I think you are midunderstanding something Alf
7:59pm

Alf
Explain.
7:59pm

X
This process is not someone telling you how to live your life or giving you answers. because we are the ONLY one who can answer ourselves
this is a designed experience that you will go through and have a professional coach evoke your answers
its through living and quetioning we learn and grow
and someone genius enough to design something like that
8:00pm

Alf
Why can't life just show me the answers as i go along? Need I pay a coach?
8:00pm

X
no u dont need to
8:01pm

Alf
So i could get the same answers just by living a gentle life.
8:01pm

X
but i wanted to learn faster, i wanted to be free from confusion faster, not waiting till i am 50 making many many mistakes and then realize
there is a beauty to that, but we are human and we wil make mistakes no matter what
8:03pm

X
i want to be able to love and liv the way i want to
8:03pm

Alf
I don't feel confusion though, and i very much live the way I want.
I could stand to make more money, but i am on track with where i thought i'd be.
8:03pm

X
well like i said its like yoga, people are at different lvl, of course u r much wiser than i am
8:06pm

Alf
Well, if you say so. I lived most of my early life with REDACTED, and i am on equal footing to REDACTED. I am constantly overcoming obstacles and enjoying myself tremendously while doing it.
8:06pm

X
then why r u so resistant toward something so beautiful that is design for powerful people like yourself?
8:08pm

Alf
Is anyone ever rejected from @@@@?
8:08pm

X
there are people who walked out in the middle of the training
and i know there was one lady was asked to leave
8:09pm

Alf
No, i mean when they come to you.
Is there anyone who you could look at and say "You are ok. You don't need this".
8:10pm

X
hehehe. are you thinking that i think you need this????
i would never tell anybody it is ok for you to not get an education.
this is a training i personally think should have been given when we were in high school
8:11pm

Alf
What sort of training would you say this is?
8:15pm

X
simply put, this is a very basic life training that made me aware of myself and gave me tools, so i would know exactly when to use them and be more effective, more efficient in every aspect of my life
i dont think i would realize many things that i realized during the training in any other situation another 5-10 yrs or maybe ever
8:23pm

Alf
I get it, but i don't feel that something that applies to everyone can be tailor made for me. Mine has been a singular journey. Though i believe in the inherency of the human experience, i believe in the wide scope of that experience. We are all singing the same song, just using different instruments.
8:23pm

X
hav you always been this arrogant?
8:24pm

Alf
No, only with salesmen.
8:24pm

HERE I DIDN”T SAVE ON TIME, BUT WE GLOSSED OVER THE TENSION. SOME EVANGELICALS USE THE WORD ARROGANT WHEN YOU USE LOGIC AGAINST THEM, AND I WAS LIVID. BUT SHE IS CUTE, SO I PRESSED ON. THE GIST OF IT WENT “REMEMBER THANKSGIVING?” (WHEN WE MET), THEN SHE SAID “I REMEMBER YOU STOLE SOMETHING FROM ME” (A SLIGHT KISS)

Alf
You want it back?
8:34pm

X
i never take my gift back
8:35pm

Alf
Wait, was it a gift or did I steal it?
5:35pm

X
u stole it first, then i gave it away
8:36pm

Alf
*** told me you only date guys who are on the program.
8:36pm

X
hahaaha
he is funny
8:37

Alf
Aha!
8:38pm

X
aha what
8:38pm

Alf
So you date guys outside of ****?
8:39pm

X
of course, **** doesnt represent men who are up to my standards
8:39pm

Alf
Oh, mercy!
I would LOVE to lower your standards for you.
8:40pm

X
hehehe
my standards arent that high, they are just specific
8:40pm

Alf
Do your standards involve ironic mustaches and bourbon?
8:41pm

X
my standards definetly includ being open to beautiful experiences
and trusting
8:41pm

Alf
Now THAT's something I can offer.
8:41pm

X
really
can i sign u up for this amazing experience then
8:42pm

HERE'S A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT. I MISREAD WHAT SHE WROTE AND THOUGHT SHE SAID "CAN YOU SIGN ME UP FOR THIS AMAZING EXPERIENCE?". SO FOR ONE MAGICAL MOMENT WE BOTH FEEL WE ARE GETTING WHAT WE WANT.

Alf
Hm...
Let, me see...
8:42pm

X
alright
think about it
8:42pm

Alf
We have a seminar on the 13th.
8:42pm

X
the next one is not till march
8:42pm

Alf
Friday the 13th
8:42pm

X
u have one month to think about
8:43pm

Alf
No no
8:43pm

X
what lol
8:43pm

Alf
I was asking you out on a date. On the 13th, except i was being clever by calling it a "Seminar"
8:43pm

X
LOL
friday?
8:43pm

Alf
Yeah, a week from today.
8:44pm

X
ok
but under one condition
8:44pm

Alf
Awesome.
Not if that condition involves ****
You have to go because you like me.
Not because you want me to do something.
8:45pm

X
do i look like someone with such a low self respect?
besides what is in it for me, i dont get anything by having u go
8:46pm

Alf
So what condition would you put on it?
8:46pm

X
that u will be open and seriously consider this experience of life
8:49pm

X
and i cant say i like you, i am curious about you is that ok for a date
8:50pm

Alf
Well, do you make out with guys you are curious about?
8:51pm

X
no
lol
8:51pm

Alf
I think that's your answer right there, then.
8:51pm

X
do u alway expect to make out with ur date on the first nite?
8:52pm

Alf
I allow for the possibility.
8:53pm

X
oh well, dear. thank you for allowing me expressing this awesome experience i just went through
but i got to leave now.
8:53pm

Alf
No problem.
8:54pm

X
my friend is having a play tonight
have a good weekend
8:54pm

Alf
Ah, what play?
8:54pm

X
i am not sure. its in pasadena city college
8:54pm

Alf
hah! You are a good friend.
Enjoy your play and your weekend.
8:55pm

X
of course. thank you
8:55pm

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

2009-01-20T17:50:00.001-08:00

Text of the benediction by Rev. Joseph Lowery during President Barack Obama's inauguration, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions:

___

God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou, who has brought us thus far along the way, thou, who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee.

Shadowed beneath thy hand, may we forever stand true to thee, oh God, and true to our native land.

We truly give thanks for the glorious experience we've shared this day.

We pray now, oh Lord, for your blessing upon thy servant Barack Obama, the 44th president of these United States, his family and his administration.

He has come to this high office at a low moment in the national, and indeed the global, fiscal climate. But because we know you got the whole world in your hands, we pray for not only our nation, but for the community of nations.

Our faith does not shrink though pressed by the flood of mortal ills.

For we know that, Lord, you are able and you're willing to work through faithful leadership to restore stability, mend our brokenness, heal our wounds, and deliver us from the exploitation of the poor, of the least of these, and from favoritism toward the rich, the elite of these.

We thank you for the empowering of thy servant, our 44th president, to inspire our nation to believe that yes we can work together to achieve a more perfect union.

And while we have sown the seeds of greed — the wind of greed and corruption, and even as we reap the whirlwind of social and economic disruption, we seek forgiveness and we come in a spirit of unity and solidarity to commit our support to our president by our willingness to make sacrifices, to respect your creation, to turn to each other and not on each other.

And now, Lord, in the complex arena of human relations, help us to make choices on the side of love, not hate; on the side of inclusion, not exclusion; tolerance, not intolerance.

And as we leave this mountain top, help us to hold on to the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family. Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques, or wherever we seek your will.

Bless President Barack, First Lady Michelle. Look over our little angelic Sasha and Malia.

We go now to walk together as children, pledging that we won't get weary in the difficult days ahead. We know you will not leave us alone.

With your hands of power and your heart of love, help us then, now, Lord, to work for that day when nations shall not lift up sword against nation, when tanks will be beaten into tractors, when every man and every woman shall sit under his or her own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid, when justice will roll down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream.

Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.

Just a Few Notes on the Inaugural Parade

2009-01-20T14:18:00.000-08:00

Those who know me well, know me to be a hugely emotional brute. Those who know me, know me to be a deeply patriotic individual, who never misses a chance to celebrate the Fourth of July. Those who know me best, know that i am a total and unabashed parade hound.

From the endless lines of Hibernians in the NY St. Patrick's parade to the grand finale of the Greeley Stampede parade where the spectators engage the local fire department in a mobile water fight (Really everyone should do this someday. its a bit of succulent Americana in a verdant small town setting and should not be missed) I have always loved the notion of humanity on display. You can ask me details about Trooping The Colours for the Queen's Birthday, or Rose Garden Reviews and even the manias of Carnaval and Mardi Gras, I'll gladly give you an earful.

In most countries, national parades are a cause to display military might. I get giddy at the annual show-stopper every 14th of July down the Champs Elysee, and the Soviet era May Day parades. Yet it takes an Inaugural parade to bring a tear to my eye. When watching or if you have already watched this somewhat silly display i need you to take something extremely important with you.

In the United States, we rarely parade our military. Our might does not come from the strength of our Army and Navy, rather it comes from the people. Represented in this particular parade by endless High School marching bands, tractor pulled floats, Native Chiefs in ceremonial headdress, square dancers, cowboys, and interspersed between the Ogalala Pioneers Marching Band, and the 4H livestock, are our military bands. In all their ceremonial dress, with swords and epaulets, with fur skinned hat drum majors tossing their silver tipped maces, our armed forces march the same parades as the thick necked union worker and the Lawn Rangers precision Mowing Drill team.

All American parades hold that in common, but an inaugural parade is a national pageant of hope and renewal, a gift of silly, ill fitting uniforms, off key brass, and goofy smiles for the embodiment of our dreams and hopes for the future, the newly elected President.

If you missed, it watch it HERE

For the Miltary Stuff, watch HERE and take note how the "Old Guard" CO does a hat salute to the new prez. A very nice flourish.

What the hell is wrong with Chicago?

2009-01-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

Look, I'm no fan of this needy troll/weasel Rob Blagojevich. His "I want something for this", smacks of the same desperation for monetizing a flash in the pan as Joe the "plumber"'s current stint as a "reporter".

(Applause for the most quotation marks ever used in one sentence)

The whole nasty mess is just awful, and I'd rather be thinking that maybe Roland Burris, as the only African American senator is a wholesome, qualified , and adorable little imp with a tendency for press conferences.

Instead I'm confronted with the reality that Burris is an attention starved, and shameless self-promoter.
I suppose all self-promoters are a bit shameless, but he is disconcertingly so.

"Hey Alf, why are you picking on a Democratic Senator, who happens to be the only black Senator?"

Well, there's this thing. This horrible bit of tack. This gristle of gauche, stuck twixt the teeth of normalcy and decency. There's a monument to hubris. A granite monolith of delusional mental illness, that points its eternal finger at a man who does one too many interviews, makes one too many press conferences, and thinks a bit too highly of himself.

For a close up view of the entire "Burris Monument" you can visit HERE

Make sure you read through "Accomplishments" and "Other Accomplishments" .

Exchange student?

Well, shit. Someone give this man a Senate seat.

I need to lie down.

Secretary of Taste

2009-01-14T00:58:00.001-08:00

Unscripted television isn't my favorite. I don't mean unscripted like documentaries or Dirty Jobs, or Mythbusters even. No, I'm talking about all MTV programming and any sort of contest or race. From the parade of mediocrity that is Top Designer, to the painfully dull Next Producer and all the Rock of NY Love, or whatever the hell they are calling that tragedy now. I am not one for watching untalented people being fast tracked to fame and failure. Bo Bice, Taylor Hackford, where art thou?

There are two shows however, that manage to pit professionals against each other and may truly find true "Stars" within the talented ranks of their contestants by requiring professional results. One is TOP CHEF, and the other is PROJECT RUNWAY. Now, I was turned on to Project Runway by my roommate, who kicking and screaming, made me watch one episode of a marathon. Needless to say, I was impressed.

I'm not a fan of couture per-se, but certainly I am a fan of elegance and taste despite my facebook profile. During these monumental, hard fought, and historic elections, we had an enormous dichotomy in taste that i think highlights a major cultural divide in this nation.

To be frank, the last eight years have been some of the tackiest, most visually offensive and culturally bankrupt years in American history. And yes, that includes the reconstruction years when U.S Grant would walk around pants less, smoking a cigar and spitting bits of "Tabacky" on orphaned children. Even Queen Victoria remarked "We wish he would sport some trou."and ostracized that tacky boor. But the jingoism and chest beating of a post 9/11 world gave way to a free for all of our most base instincts, culminating in the superbly tacky Iraq war, awful imagery, and Britney Spear's breakdown.

Then, after Kerry's abortive attempt, and four more horrific years of "heh heh" from the White House, came the elections. It was a sight to behold really. Do we go with the lumbering tacky symbols and behavior of the last eight years? Or do we go with the smooth, visually pleasing, and classy change?

I could go on for hours about the "Wasilla Hillbillies" and their teen sex debut at the RNC, but the fact is, that now is the time for healing. We need to reach out to those who think THIS is ok.

Our president elect has decided to take the high road and, not rub it in dumb, gun-toting, racist, tacky ass red America's face, but rather bring them into the fold and thereby change the country, I mean SERIOUSLY change the country forever.

To this end, I recommend that President-elect Obama create the new cabinet-level post of Secretary of Taste. Furthermore I nominate Mr. Tim Gunn to fill the spot effective immediately.

I hardly need to give you Tim's credentials. He is the sleek asexual master of style that makes european monarchs look like inbred iron mongers.

Let's say, that GW Bush had tried to pass off the Iraq war on Tim. I can see the ever cautious Mr. Gunn saying
"Hmm. Ok, i can see what you mean to say here, but its not working for me. It feels rushed. Let's actually find some WMD's and I think that will make more sense. Ok? Just make it work."

Voila! One war/ quagmire avoided.

The fact is, that Tim Gunn is a careful methodical thinker. His every move and utterance is carefully calculated and phrased so as not to be disruptive, but rather constructive. THAT is what makes Tim Gunn a national treasure, and THAT is what this country needs more of.

No more knee jerk reactions, no more "Let's roll!" bumper stickers, no more mindlessly hating on the French, no more scapegoating, no more carelessness. As the inaugural looms in less than a week now, I return to my favorite quote from my favorite Kennedy "Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world. Let us dedicate ourselves to that." , and in the spirit of our new President and Project Runway, do our part to "Tame the Savageness of man" and avoid plaids and stripes.

Reason 500 why Obama's Inagural Parade is going to Kick Ass

2009-01-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

NASA's new Small Pressurized Rover is designed to carry astronauts long distances. It will also be in Obama's inaugural parade. Video by Nick de la Torre. Jan. 9, 2009.

Sunday: Parte the Seconde (Ye Mall of Chapel Hills)

2008-12-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

I hate malls. When I go out I like a certain amount of civility and control over the type of people I'm going to be interacting with. In LA, for example, I only come in contact with Persian teenagers at the Beverly Center or Grove, suffice to say that specific demographic is not in my social circle. That's in LA, where they have Mac stores, and reasons to go to the mall. Chapel Hills mall holds nothing but people I'd never interact with and stores I'd never shop at. Naturally, I took pictures.

What's so interesting about this young lad checking out the wares at the board game store? Well, considering the fact that the wind chill is making it feel like its 5 below outside, I figured i should share. Obviously he has no friends or family because he is carrying no coat and has not been told that once he steps outside he is going to DIE.

Here is a store i would never shop at in the mall where i could go and not buy..

If Jesus were holding a picture of her , holding a picture of Jesus, this painting could show us a shitty eternity. Instead, its just shitty.

In the middle of the mall is this beautifully adorned simulator. For $10 you can climb aboard this machine and feel what it is like to get ripped off. Love the Rape Van Orca motif, though.

If you don't get it, then you don't deserve to enjoy it.

The baby in the stroller couldn't believe that grown people could look like such dipshits. Those antlers stopped being appropriate always.

Get a head start on having your kids resent you.

Sunday: A day in Three Acts (Act One: breakfast)

2008-12-21T17:28:00.000-08:00

So this morning my Mom made us a Mexican breakfast. Traditionally this involves adding egg to whatever it is you'd regularly eat at a Mexican restaurant. Eggs taco, egg tostada, egg sopapilla, egg cinnamon twists etc. "But, Alf! Aren't you an Arab?"
No no, i just have a hairy back. But your confusion about my ethnicity is not without merit. Check out this particular shelf of festivity in our house.

That's a Mexican Nativity scene, a dreidel, a Menorah, and five bears. To answer your question though, I am an Atheist.

As the mexican food was being prepped, we listened to Mariachi music and donned a sombrero..really. We do those kinds of things.

My mom greased, cheesed and chilied some fantastic huevos, while we all sampled.

Then some Mexican hot chocolate and we were all energized for phse two...THE MALL...
TBC

Hidden Beauty at Sam's club

2008-12-20T16:33:00.000-08:00

So after a lengthy trip, we finally made it to CO. Naturally my mom needed to feed us an enormous amount, and where did she take us? To my progressive shock, she took us to buy in bulk from union basher Sam Walton's mega deluxe superstore. All Angelino pretense aside, I found it oddly exhilarating. There is something amazing to see so much of everything. Check it out.

Cheez balls are awful. But great! But truly awful. But then they come in a "Barrel" and become great all over again.

Ferrero Rocher was always my favorite Euro-Trash confection. Then it came to the USA and I was happy, then i saw a WALL of FR at Sam's Club and it blew my mind.

OMG! OMG! OMG! That's what she said!

So I bought a hot dog and a Cherry Coke for $1.50 which was awesome because the hot dog and the Coke were enormous. The Lady who sold it to me was this super sweet elderly lady who should be serving cocoa somewhere with better lighting rather than dishing out weiners to people like me. The hairnet made her look sad, but the dawg was huge and they have an awesome chopped onion dispenser that chops fresh onions for you when you turn the handle.

Nice Lady, bad lighting.

Turn clockwise, get onions.

GIANT Hotdog and Coke.

The whole giant warehouse was being cleaned constantly by teenage girls driving concrete zambonis. This girl waited for me to get out of the way while i was taking my hotdog picture. I smiled, she looked confused and continued to drive her cleaning machine.

The Holidays, in bulk.

Muppets, Christmas and an Observation

2008-12-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

Is it me, or are Vice President-elect Joe biden and Sam "The American" Eagle very similar in looks?

Enjoy the Show, Folks!

Bettie Page (April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008)

2008-12-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," -Hef

Her later life was marked by depression, violent mood swings and several years in a state mental institution. While she faded into obscurity in the 1960s after converting to Christianity and serving as a Baptist missionary in Angola[5], she experienced a resurgence of popularity in the 1980s and had a significant cult following. Her look, including her jet black hair and trademark bangs, has been iconic within the rockabilly subculture and has influenced many artists.

Goths in Love

2008-12-04T14:42:00.001-08:00

William S. Burroughs, Stuffing, and Thanks

2008-11-26T11:52:00.000-08:00

Nothing brings out the spirit of this great nation than an aging Heroin addict, and his words of truth.

There is hope yet.

Hope for some Awesome stuffing!

1 cup melted butter
1 1/2 cups chopped onions
1 1/2 cups chopped celery
6 cups diced, tart apples (green/old granny)
2 teaspoons of salt
1 cup sugar
6 cups of small bread crumbs (herb seasoned)

In large pan combine butter, apples, celery and onions. Sprinkle with salt and sugar. Cook for 10 minutes until apples are browned all over. Add bread cubes.
Yields 12 cups.

De mi propia cosecha

si haces el doble, no dobles la sal, a lo mejor la mitad pero primero pruebalo. Toma mas de 10 minutos a que agarren color las manzana, al menos en Colorado. Una vez que este todo revuelto incluyendo pan, le pones ya sabes que. Vino blanco, siempre cocina con vino barato. Abusado con el vino si le pones mucho te queda muy aguado.

Si tu vas a rellenar el pavo, antes de poner el relleno untas adentro del pavo mantequilla con seasoned salt y sage y tambien afuera. Abusado con la sal.

In addendum, I have found a few details on cooking this myself. Do not overdo the wine, and if you douse the stuffing, make sure and add sugar. The most common problem is the sugar falling to the bottom and burning at the base of the pot. Aslo, avoid stuffing the turkey directly, it increases salmonella potentials. You can add the stuffing inside once the turkey is cooked and allow it to sop up juices for another 10 minutes of cooking inside the foil.

The financial crisis: It affects us all

2008-11-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation with my parents recently that went something like this.

Badonk a Monk

2008-11-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

From the AP

"Dressed in the vestments of the Greek Orthodox and Armenian denominations, rival monks threw punches and anything they could lay their hands on.

The Greeks blamed the Armenians for not recognizing their rights inside the holy site, while the Armenians said the Greeks had violated one of their traditional ceremonies.

Israeli policemen scuffle with an Armenian altar boy during a fight at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre on 9 November2008

An Armenian clergyman said the Greek clergy had tried to place one of their monks inside the Edicule, an ancient structure which is said to encase the tomb of Jesus.

"What is happening here is a violation of status quo. The Greeks have tried so many times to put their monk inside the tomb but they don't have the right to when the Armenians are celebrating the feast," he said. "

Check out the shit starter Armenian Monk in the red.

The place is shared by a lot more than just the two current brawling factions. There are custodians there from Eastern Orthodox, Armenian Apostolic, Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox ,Coptic Orthodox, Ethiopian Orthodox, and Syriac Orthodox Churches. The protestant churches were just never invited having been considered heretic sects when the "Status Quo" was implemented in 1555 or so. This setup is so effed up that a ladder placed on a ledge over the entrance sometime in the 19th century has remained there ever since because of a dispute over who has the authority to take it down.

What's crazy is how aggressively everyone defends their "Rights" to this shrine.

"On a hot summer day in 2002, the Coptic monk who is stationed on the roof to express Coptic claims to the Ethiopian territory there moved his chair from its agreed spot into the shade. This was interpreted as a hostile move by the Ethiopians, and eleven were hospitalized after the resulting fracas. "

I don't want to get on any sort of Atheist's rant but, Jesus H. Christ!

This is it

2008-11-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

Republican Endorsements of Barry

2008-10-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

When Colin Powell endorsed Obama a week ago, McCain said "I’m also very pleased to have the endorsement of four former secretaries of state, Secretaries (Henry) Kissinger, (James) Baker, (Larry) Eagleburger and (Alexander) Haig." A whos who of war criminals, wingnuts and other Republican goons who have held the title.

Classic Walnuts, who in his doddering epic failure didn't notice the key thing about Powell's endorsement. HE'S a REPUBLICAN!

Here's a hap hap happy list of other Republicans who had to jump off the crazy bus.

* Colin Powell: Jesus, was that already a week ago? So what was the “Powell Effect,” if any? Pretty good, considering most endorsements don’t matter much. Gallup says 12% of voters are “more likely” to vote for Obama. And 80% of voters had actually heard about the endorsement, which is pretty good for you dummies.

* Ken Adelman: Neo-con insider, hired by Rumsfeld in the Nixon Administration and was a top guy both times Rumsfeld was defense secretary — under Ford and Bush Junior. “He introduced Cheney to Paul Wolfowitz at a Washington brunch the day Reagan was sworn in,” the New Yorker writes. Well, maybe he’s just trying to get some good karma before he dies. No impact with voters; nobody really knows him outside of Washington. But it gives more elderly Republican elitists the freedom to also break with McCain, because McCain is “impetuous, inconsistent, and imprudent; ending up just plain weird,” according to Adelman.

* William Weld: A U.S. attorney and Justice Dept. official hired by Giuliani during the Reagan administration, Weld was the Republican governor of Massachusetts from 1991-1997. God, it’s really the same dozen people who’ve been fucking up this country for half a century. So, Weld’s also trying to avoid the Fires of Hell, and has heartily endorsed the black communist Barack Obama.

* Arne Carlson: Former governor of Minnesota, lifelong Republican, this “maverick” said batshit goon Michele Bachmann’s freakout on Hardball helped make his decision to endorse Obama. Will matter to moderate Republicans and independents in MN, and could hurt Bachmann’s bloodied campaign, too.

* Scott McClellan: The former Bush spokesman is already a Demon-Queer to the wingnuts because of his mildly critical book about his White House years, so his Obama endorsement will not sway those people. But he’s well known because he was on the teevee all the time, promoting Bush and the GOP, so this could help in the mysteriously “undecided” category. Or those people might vote for Jennifer Aniston, who knows?

* C.C. Goldwater: The granddaughter of conservative saint Barry Goldwater says she will say yes to Kenyan Socialism, too — along with “my siblings and a few cousins.” The libertarian side of the GOP peeled away long before Obama got the Democratic nomination, but this might still matter in places where the Goldwater name is still powerful. Places like Arizona, where “favorite son” John McCain was famously hated by Barry Goldwater.

* Charles Fried: The solicitor general in Reagan’s second term and one of those few “conservative intellectuals” left on the planet, Fried was actually part of the McCain campaign until last week. After he endorsed Obama, Fried “asked that his name be removed from the several [McCain] campaign-related committees on which he serves.”

The real impact of these nearly daily defections from the GOP to Obama may just be in their relentlessness, the way each morning’s news has yet another prominent conservative renouncing John McCain and endorsing the Democrat. There is no modern precedent for this kind of painful, public dumping on the Republican candidate by Republican stalwarts — the last time it happened was 1964, when moderate Republicans washed their hands of Barry Goldwater for being an “extremist” and a scary loon who would get us all nuked. He wouldn’t become a saint until Reagan was elected in 1980.

And it was Ronald Reagan who, while running for governor of California just two years after LBJ slaughtered Goldwater 61%-38%, created the “11th Commandment,” to keep Republicans from eating their own:

“Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican.”

That’s dead now, too.

Comedy Store Obama Fundraiser

2008-10-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog or even a casual one and you love me, you will go to this.

In 1492 they gave all the natives the clap.

2008-10-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

Christopher Columbus, which means “Our Lord’s Anus” in Portuguese, was a famous wingnut racist who didn’t even know where he came from, but he was hired by a shadowy cabal of Spaniards and the Knights Templar to find an easier route to the emerging economies of Communist China, because the Islamo-Fascists had blown up the highway to Afghanistan!

Because “Cristóbal Colón” couldn’t even do basic math, he “computed” that the world was about seven miles around. So if he sailed west across the Atlantic, surely he would end up in Hong Kong in like four days. Everyone thought this was a great idea, in Spain. So the Knights Templar loaded all of Jesus’ mulatto children aboard Miss Maria’s Ford Pinto and off they sailed on the world’s first shitty Royal Caribbean Cruise. They landed in the beautiful Bahamas and gave all the locals syphilis, which is exactly what happens today at those “Sandals” all-inclusive resorts.

In October of 1500, he was arrested for constantly torturing everybody in the Haitian town he founded, Abu Ghraib.

Eventually, six weeks later, Franz Ferdinand let him out of prison and World War I began. Columbus spent his final crazy years writing a blog about how he was going to take Jerusalem back from the Iraqis.

So, no mail delivery today!

Break their back, crush their spirits

2008-10-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

Break their back, crush their spirits
by kos
Thu Oct 09, 2008 at 11:14:58 AM PDT

See, here's the deal -- we're going to win the White House, we're going to win big in the Senate, and we're going to rack up big gains in the House. Republicans know this and are preparing for the worst. Now think of 2004 -- we really thought Kerry was going to pull it off. Remember that? And remember how utterly devastated we were when Bush pulled it off? The pain was so much worse because we expected to win.

So with conservatives bracing for the worse, they won't experience the kind of pain we did. Not unless we deliver a defeat even worse than their worst nightmares. And I'll be honest with you -- I want them to hurt as much as we did. I want their spirits crushed, their backs broken.

So the way we do that is we deliver a defeat worse than they every imagined. We do that by winning states that have no business turning Blue -- like North Carolina, Georgia, Indiana, and so on -- states that were easy Bush victories in 2004. We do that by electing a 60-seat supermajority in the Senate. We do that by defeating their leadership, like Mitch McConnell in the Senate. We do that by defeating their heroes, like wingnut go-to hero John Shadegg. We do that by making sure a record number of Americans reject conservative ideology, leaving it utterly discredited.

The day after the election, I want to see an electoral battlefield littered with defeated Republicans, their ranks demoralized, their treasury in heavy debt, and no real leadership to take the helm. I want a vacuum so complete, that a bloody leadership battle between the neocons, theocons, and corporate cons shakes the GOP to its core, and leaves it fractured and ill-equipped to stymie the progressive agenda, much less ramp up for an even bleaker (for them) 2010.

Guys, that's why I don't worry about complacency. We're not out to win this thing. We're out to crush them. And that's going to require a level of engagement beyond anything you've ever done before. It'll mean more phone banking, more canvassing, more donating. Work on this site keeps me from working the phones or walking precincts (my wife has helped out on those fronts), but I've surrendered a significant portion of my income, way more than my family can really afford, on behalf of the cause. We've all got something to offer, whether it's time or money, and now's the time to offer what we can.

One of my favorite cyclists likes to say, "Leave everything on the road", meaning that when he crosses the finish line, he will have burned every last ounce of energy in his body. If he falls short? No regrets because he gave it his all, every last bit of it.

We can't have regrets on Election Night, thinking that some Democrats came up short because we failed to leave everything on the road. We can't have a Jim Martin or a Bob Lord or a Darcy Burner or whoever come inches from victory, knowing that maybe we could've done just a little bit more to help them cross the finish line victorious. Even if all you can give is $5 to one candidate, or one afternoon phone banking, it still matters. There's a lot of us, and a lot of little gestures adds up to a whole lot of action.

We are approaching a historic night, and one that can radically transform the direction of our country.

Donate your time, donate your money.

Leave everything on the road.

Secretary of Taste

2008-10-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

SFW Porn

2008-10-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of the corn on the cob and the inflatable raft.

Diesel's SFW XXX Party Clip - Watch more free videos

The Visual Campaign

2008-09-29T11:54:00.001-07:00

I got a few inquires after I posted the photoshopped Mccain portrait in my post WHY I LOVE WALNUTS. Where did I get that picture? Is it fair? Are there equally awful renderings of Barry Hussein?

From the dreamy and beautiful "O" of the Obama campaign, to the disastrous green background that continues to plague Mccain, the visuals of this presidential election have been incredibly stark in contrast. Sometimes purposefully and sometimes completely by accident. I'd encourage you all to visit the visual blog BAG NEWS NOTES for some truly scholarly (and inevitably a bit leftist) analysis of the images brought into our concious and sub conscious through the media. I'd also like to throw a tip of the hat to one of my favorite political photographers Richard Avedon, who passed away nearly four years ago, but who's portrait of a newly arrived political star named Barack Obama, is the consummate portrait of youthful ideals and hope in a politician.

What I find astounding about Avedon's work is how politically biased it is, and yet how even "mistreated" subjects returned to his studio. The vague, even lost look on Reagan, which became even more telling after his affliction was made public. The Melting Bush the Elder, the Yes-Man Rumsfeld, and the saintly Carter. Simon Schama wrote on the subject in far greater detail, but I suggest you read his guardian article if the art holds you as it does me.

Paul Leonard Newman (January 26, 1925 – September 26, 2008)

2008-09-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

Later, Butch

That's what she said.

2008-09-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

Yes!

World Leaders: More badass than ever.

2008-09-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

As if Barry Hussein and his mad ball skillz weren't enough.

As if Sarko's hottie new wife weren't the most badass move to rock the Palais de l'Élysée since Félix Faure died while getting a hummer.

As if Pooty Poot's Judo doesn't bring terrified chills to those who would cross him.

Here comes Taro Aso from the Japan. More like Bad Aso. Check out this vid of Taro in the 1976 Olympics Skeet Shooting.

Why I love Walnuts!

2008-09-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

So John McCain tried to cancel the debates as the Economy (Which he clearly doesn't understand) tanks as badly as his poll numbers. Naturally, the Republicans are trying to paint this as some sort of Mavericky move that only a leader would try. I heard some GOP shill on the teevee saying "He thinks its so important to fix this problem, that he's willing to risk the presidency." Hahahahahaha! They are going to lose. The fact is that the McCain camp and the Obama camp had been in talks to issue a joint statement before Walnuts freaked out and tried to cancel the whole thing. Had this been a true bipartisan effort to discuss the issues at hand, Walnuts could have asked Barry to hold off. Instead he tried to blindside the Hussein Obama and single-handedly change the momentum of the election by drawing attention away from the issues. "HEY! HEY! Look at me! I'm canceling the debate! Pay no attention to the bill the president is trying to force through with no oversight!" Unfortunately for Walnuts, the debate schedule can't be changed and the Debate commission has told him to eff off, the debate will go on. Now of course, we all know for sure that Walnuts is not ready, nor is he even remotely familiar with what is happening with the economy or is he prepared to answer why his campaign manager was being given 15k a month by Freddie Mac. Barry rightly told the kooky old bat to stuff it, and the debate will go on. With or without walnuts.

The End.

Thumbs Down

2008-09-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

BY ROGER EBERT Sun-Times Movie Critic
I think I might be able to explain some of Sarah Palin's appeal. She's the "American Idol" candidate. Consider. What defines an "American Idol" finalist? They're good-looking, work well on television, have a sunny personality, are fierce competitors, and so talented, why, they're darned near the real thing. There's a reason "American Idol" gets such high ratings. People identify with the contestants. They think, Hey, that could be me up there on that show!

My problem is, I don't want to be up there. I don't want a vice president who is darned near good enough. I want a vice president who is better, wiser, well-traveled, has met world leaders, who three months ago had an opinion on Iraq. Someone who doesn't repeat bald- faced lies about earmarks and the Bridge to Nowhere. Someone who doesn't appoint Alaskan politicians to "study" global warming, because, hello! It has been studied. The returns are convincing enough that John McCain and Barack Obama are darned near in agreement.

I would also want someone who didn't make a teeny little sneer when referring to "people who go to the Ivy League." When I was a teen I dreamed of going to Harvard, but my dad, an electrician, told me, "Boy, we don't have the money. Thank your lucky stars you were born in Urbana and can go to the University of Illinois right here in town." So I did, very happily. Although Palin gets laughs when she mentions the "elite" Ivy League, she sure did attend the heck out of college.

Five different schools in six years. What was that about?

And how can a politician her age have never have gone to Europe? My dad had died, my mom was working as a book-keeper and I had a job at the local newspaper when, at 19, I scraped together $240 for a charter flight to Europe. I had Arthur Frommer's $5 a Day under my arm, started in London, even rented a Vespa and drove in the traffic of Rome. A few years later, I was able to send my mom, along with the $15 a Day book.

You don't need to be a pointy-headed elitist to travel abroad. You need curiosity and a hunger to see the world. What kind of a person (who has the money) arrives at the age of 44 and has only been out of the country once, on an official tour to Iraq? Sarah Palin's travel record is that of a provincial, not someone who is equipped to deal with global issues.

But some people like that. She's never traveled to Europe, Asia, Africa, South America or Down Under? That makes her like them. She didn't go to Harvard? Good for her! There a lot of hockey moms who haven't seen London, but most of them would probably love to, if they had the dough. And they'd be proud if one of their kids won a scholarship to Harvard.

I trust the American people will see through Palin, and save the Republic in November. The most damning indictment against her is that she considered herself a good choice to be a heartbeat away. That shows bad judgment.

Happy LHC/CERN Day!

2008-09-09T01:01:00.000-07:00

Today the LHC is turned on at CERN!

If the world were to end today, then it ended in pursuit of knowledge and not in barbaric mutual annihilation.
But we all know it won't end, and we'll be launched into a really exciting new era of understanding the world we live in.

From the BBC:

"On Wednesday the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) will send out a full particle beam, in preparation for an experiment that will re-create conditions just after the Big Bang.
The LHC will smash two beams of particles head-on at super-fast speeds. Scientists from Cern - the European organisation for nuclear research - hope to see new particles in the debris of these collisions.
There have been concerns that the experiment could open black holes that would swell in size and swallow up the Earth, but physicists stress that the planet is not under threat."

A COUPLE OF CERN EUROLICIOUS VIDS I UPLOADED TO THE YOUTUBES EXPLAINING THE LHC

THE LHC PROJECT

THE TIME MACHINE

For more awesome CERN Vids and Pics go HERE!

A Children's Treasury of Hatred, Lies, Ignorance, and Greed (RNC 08')

2008-09-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've decided to reserve my comments on John McCain and Sarah Palin until after Walnuts delivers his speech tonight.

But before I start in with my elitist misogyny and ageism, I'd like to address the brass pair of the GOP. To present their losing nominee, the GOP in all its fervent glory,while beholden to the most corrupt and incompetent presidency of at least the last hundred years and proclaiming themselves as "REAL CHANGE" , paraded the most turdish trio of world-class hacks that have ever addressed a pack of vapid, howling, blood-thirsty, war mongering hate-douches. I refer of course to the lispful rat-demon Rudy 9u11iani, the pathetic pasty blob of sniveling treachery and self-loathing named Joe Lieberman, and "Folksy", lazy, lying, fucktard Fred Thompson of Hollywood (Via Tennesee).

While the DNC trots out Presidents and Vice Presidents, sitting Senators and civil rights leaders, the party of Nixon headlines a former mayor who's personal life and cheap politicizing of national tragedy will make future generations shit themselves with disbelief at early millennial politics. His stream of unbelievable bullshit and pathetic simplification of geopolitics continues to infect my sense of decency. Rudy Gulianni will be forever remembered as a man who had the opportunity for great things and instead squandered it for his own vulgar self interests by becoming a propagator of lies and a complete shill for a corrupt administration. Was he seriously STILL trying to make the case for Iraq being part of "The war on Terror"? Really? Osama Bin Laden in Iraq, right? That's what this guy was lisping at the head cases there, or at least insinuating.

This was their keynote speaker.

If you are a desperate party who is on the verge of being crushed by the weight of your own corruption and unlawful scandals, you tend to bring out some of the most loathsome trolls possible to rally the base and appeal to their base instincts. When you have no true moral compass, it makes sense to trot out an Armani clad, degenerate weasel to terrify you, while your mind continues to race with thoughts of wild, teenage hillbilly sex. They were practically foaming at the mouth.

Next you show just how great your candidate is by parading a loser. A Jew who hangs out with anti semites, a Democrat who hangs out with Republicans, or simply whomever will have him. Joe Leiberman is a sad sack of worthless turncoat. When you are a party who claims to have "Values" and those values are extolled by someone who lacks the moral strength to pick a side, you may as well join Joe on his toboggan of "Joementum" down shit hill.

In case your supporters hadn't drowned in hypocrisy, you feed them some more. You talk down to them. You assume because they are working class that the only thing they'll understand is hate and war and dialects. You hope that like "W" they'll want to share a beer with your party. But real working class people aren't doing so well, and they may say something like "Foreclosure" so you find an actor. You parade the lazy Frederick of Hollywood. You have him talk about your candidate in warm folksy tones. Why Sheeeit, he sounds like he's cheewin tabakky!

"That MUST mean they's gots our interests in minds, cuz this here beet colored actor boy tells us so. And the media hates us, jess like theys hated Ronnil Raygun. Hyuck Hyuck Hyuuuck."

I'm not going to rip on Alaska-lady Sarah Palin or on Walnuts just yet. I'm going to let Walnuts do his thing, that's all.

Have fun with your convention, guys!

Donald LaFontaine (August 26, 1940 – September 1, 2008)

2008-09-02T08:28:00.000-07:00

Best of DNC

2008-09-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Holy moly! I know a few of you are out there seeking political guidance. We have so much to discuss! So much has happened, but i have to make sure everyone has seen the same things . So before we talk about Barry and Uncle Joe, before we talk about Hillz and Bubba, before we discuss Walnuts and find a nickname for Sarah Palin, lets make sure we saw the same things at the DNC in my home state's capital of DENVER.

Teddy made an appearance, which was awesome.

There was still fear of Party Disunity by PUMA retards as Hillz's speech loomed, and Tweety got into it with one particularly retarded Hilltard.

Then Seabiscuit Said some Stuff.

The Governor of Montana was awesome.

Hillz Rocked the House

As Did Bubba

and Joe

And Finally Barry

Everyone cried, and went home.

"Papa Jack" Arnold Weil (March 28, 1901 – August 13, 2008)

2008-08-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

The World's Oldest CEO and Colorado Legend, "Papa Jack" Weil owner of Rockmount Ranch Wear in Denver, passed away at the ripe old Age of 107.

Weil was well-known for coining the phrase "The West is not a place, it is a state of mind." He was the first person to put snaps on Western shirts, patented the saw-tooth pocket design seen on many Western shirts, and was credited with inventing the bolo tie. He also helped design many of the costumes in Brokeback Mountain and Elvis' western wear in LOVE ME TENDER.

Weil's wife died in 1990, followed by his son Jack B. in 2008.

He claimed to have quit smoking at age 60, drinking at age 90 and eating red meat at 100. However, Weil said he had a shot of
Jack Daniel's twice a week for "medicinal purposes," specifically, to keep his blood thin.

Get your hot polls here!

2008-08-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

Click on the pic and check the polls averaged out, and for your viewing pleasure.

I'll have this picture on the sidebar serving the same purpose throughout the election.

Isaac Lee Hayes, Jr. (August 20, 1942 – August 10, 2008)

2008-08-11T16:54:00.001-07:00

He was a baaad motha ...

Monday Politick: Fuck Tex Ritter

2008-08-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

I met Jason Ritter long long ago in NY at the Atlantic Theater Company. Now, i'm sure most of you will recognize wee Ritter as the offspring of sentimental favorite and incredibly under-appreciated actor John Ritter. Yet, being the incredibly retarded and reality impaired bone-head that I am, when I met young Jason my immediate reaction was to ask if he had any relation to Tex Ritter, the famous singing cowboy.

To my delight, I found out all three Ritters were Rittlated.

You can listen here to Tex singing CIGARETTES, WHISKY & WILD WILD WOMEN

And yes, we know and Love Johnny and Jason from their TV appearances and movies.

But the real reason to be waxing Ritterick, is because deep in the guts of the YOU TUBE, i came across this video of Tex Ritter on the Dick Cavett show discussing cowboy films and his quest to become a Republican Senator from Tennesee.

Now, if'n Tex had been eelected, then he would have beaten Albert Gore Senior for the post, thereby aborting Al Jr's eventual rise to green saviordom, not allowing him to neglect his paternal duties thereby sparing his son a DUI charge.

So you see, Tex Ritter is to blame for Bush being president.

Kafka's Pron

2008-08-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

A stash of explicit pornography to which Franz Kafka subscribed has emerged for the first time after being studiously ignored by scholars anxious to preserve the iconic writer's saintly image.

Awesome.

Music for the Tail end of Summer

2008-08-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

Download my August mix :

All_Groweds_Up.zip (Groweds up)File by Bigupload.com

Ja Können Wir!

2008-07-24T10:43:00.000-07:00

Transcript Below

BARACK OBAMA BERLIN SPEECH: 'A WORLD THAT STANDS AS ONE'

THURS JULY 24 2008 12:58:02

Thank you to the citizens of Berlin and to the people of Germany. Let me thank Chancellor Merkel and Foreign Minister Steinmeier for welcoming me earlier today. Thank you Mayor Wowereit, the Berlin Senate, the police, and most of all thank you for this welcome.

I come to Berlin as so many of my countrymen have come before. Tonight, I speak to you not as a candidate for President, but as a citizen -- a proud citizen of the United States, and a fellow citizen of the world.

I know that I don't look like the Americans who've previously spoken in this great city. The journey that led me here is improbable. My mother was born in the heartland of America, but my father grew up herding goats in Kenya. His father -- my grandfather -- was a cook, a domestic servant to the British.

At the height of the Cold War, my father decided, like so many others in the forgotten corners of the world, that his yearning -- his dream -- required the freedom and opportunity promised by the West. And so he wrote letter after letter to universities all across America until somebody, somewhere answered his prayer for a better life.

That is why I'm here. And you are here because you too know that yearning. This city, of all cities, knows the dream of freedom. And you know that the only reason we stand here tonight is because men and women from both of our nations came together to work, and struggle, and sacrifice for that better life.

Ours is a partnership that truly began sixty years ago this summer, on the day when the first American plane touched down at Templehof.

On that day, much of this continent still lay in ruin.Ê The rubble of this city had yet to be built into a wall. The Soviet shadow had swept across Eastern Europe, while in the West, America, Britain, and France took stock of their losses, and pondered how the world might be remade.

This is where the two sides met.Ê And on the twenty-fourth of June, 1948, the Communists chose to blockade the western part of the city. They cut off food and supplies to more than two million Germans in an effort to extinguish the last flame of freedom in Berlin.

The size of our forces was no match for the much larger Soviet Army. And yet retreat would have allowed Communism to march across Europe. Where the last war had ended, another World War could have easily begun. All that stood in the way was Berlin.

Ê And that's when the airlift began -- when the largest and most unlikely rescue in history brought food and hope to the people of this city.

The odds were stacked against success. In the winter, a heavy fog filled the sky above, and many planes were forced to turn back without dropping off the needed supplies. The streets where we stand were filled with hungry families who had no comfort from the cold.Ê

But in the darkest hours, the people of Berlin kept the flame of hope burning. The people of Berlin refused to give up. And on one fall day, hundreds of thousands of Berliners came here, to the Tiergarten, and heard the city's mayor implore the world not to give up on freedom. "There is only one possibility," he said. "For us to stand together united until this battle is wonÉThe people of Berlin have spoken. We have done our duty, and we will keep on doing our duty. People of the world: now do your dutyÉPeople of the world, look at Berlin!"

People of the world -- look at Berlin!

Look at Berlin, where Germans and Americans learned to work together and trust each other less than three years after facing each other on the field of battle.

Look at Berlin, where the determination of a people met the generosity of the Marshall Plan and created a German miracle; where a victory over tyranny gave rise to NATO, the greatest alliance ever formed to defend our common security.Ê

Look at Berlin, where the bullet holes in the buildings and the somber stones and pillars near the Brandenburg Gate insist that we never forget our common humanity.Ê

People of the world -- look at Berlin, where a wall came down, a continent came together, and history proved that there is no challenge too great for a world that stands as one.ÊÊ

Sixty years after the airlift, we are called upon again. History has led us to a new crossroad, with new promise and new peril. When you, the German people, tore down that wall -- a wall that divided East and West; freedom and tyranny; fear and hope -- walls came tumbling down around the world. From Kiev to Cape Town, prison camps were closed, and the doors of democracy were opened. Markets opened too, and the spread of information and technology reduced barriers to opportunity and prosperity. While the 20th century taught us that we share a common destiny, the 21st has revealed a world more intertwined than at any time in human history.

The fall of the Berlin Wall brought new hope. But that very closeness has given rise to new dangers -- dangers that cannot be contained within the borders of a country or by the distance of an ocean.ÊÊ

The terrorists of September 11th plotted in Hamburg and trained in Kandahar and Karachi before killing thousands from all over the globe on American soil.Ê

As we speak, cars in Boston and factories in Beijing are melting the ice caps in the Arctic, shrinking coastlines in the Atlantic, and bringing drought to farms from Kansas to Kenya.

Poorly secured nuclear material in the former Soviet Union, or secrets from a scientist in Pakistan could help build a bomb that detonates in Paris. The poppies in Afghanistan become the heroin in Berlin. The poverty and violence in Somalia breeds the terror of tomorrow. The genocide in Darfur shames the conscience of us all.

In this new world, such dangerous currents have swept along faster than our efforts to contain them. That is why we cannot afford to be divided. No one nation, no matter how large or powerful, can defeat such challenges alone. None of us can deny these threats, or escape responsibility in meeting them. Yet, in the absence of Soviet tanks and a terrible wall, it has become easy to forget this truth. And if we're honest with each other, we know that sometimes, on both sides of the Atlantic, we have drifted apart, and forgotten our shared destiny.

In Europe, the view that America is part of what has gone wrong in our world, rather than a force to help make it right, has become all too common. In America, there are voices that deride and deny the importance of Europe's role in our security and our future. Both views miss the truth -- that Europeans today are bearing new burdens and taking more responsibility in critical parts of the world; and that just as American bases built in the last century still help to defend the security of this continent, so does our country still sacrifice greatly for freedom around the globe.

Yes, there have been differences between America and Europe. No doubt, there will be differences in the future. But the burdens of global citizenship continue to bind us together. A change of leadership in Washington will not lift this burden. In this new century, Americans and Europeans alike will be required to do more -- not less. Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity.Ê

That is why the greatest danger of all is to allow new walls to divide us from one another. The walls between old allies on either side of the Atlantic cannot stand. The walls between the countries with the most and those with the least cannot stand. The walls between races and tribes; natives and immigrants; Christian and Muslim and Jew cannot stand. These now are the walls we must tear down.Ê

We know they have fallen before. After centuries of strife, the people of Europe have formed a Union of promise and prosperity. Here, at the base of a column built to mark victory in war, we meet in the center of a Europe at peace. Not only have walls come down in Berlin, but they have come down in Belfast, where Protestant and Catholic found a way to live together; in the Balkans, where our Atlantic alliance ended wars and brought savage war criminals to justice; and in South Africa, where the struggle of a courageous people defeated apartheid. Ê So history reminds us that walls can be torn down. But the task is never easy. True partnership and true progress requires constant work and sustained sacrifice. They require sharing the burdens of development and diplomacy; of progress and peace. They require allies who will listen to each other, learn from each other and, most of all, trust each other.Ê

That is why America cannot turn inward. That is why Europe cannot turn inward. America has no better partner than Europe. Now is the time to build new bridges across the globe as strong as the one that bound us across the Atlantic. Now is the time to join together, through constant cooperation, strong institutions, shared sacrifice, and a global commitment to progress, to meet the challenges of the 21st century. It was this spirit that led airlift planes to appear in the sky above our heads, and people to assemble where we stand today. And this is the moment when our nations -- and all nations -- must summon that spirit anew.

This is the moment when we must defeat terror and dry up the well of extremism that supports it. This threat is real and we cannot shrink from our responsibility to combat it. If we could create NATO to face down the Soviet Union, we can join in a new and global partnership to dismantle the networks that have struck in Madrid and Amman; in London and Bali; in Washington and New York. If we could win a battle of ideas against the communists, we can stand with the vast majority of Muslims who reject the extremism that leads to hate instead of hope.

This is the moment when we must renew our resolve to rout the terrorists who threaten our security in Afghanistan, and the traffickers who sell drugs on your streets. No one welcomes war. I recognize the enormous difficulties in Afghanistan. But my country and yours have a stake in seeing that NATO's first mission beyond Europe's borders is a success. For the people of Afghanistan, and for our shared security, the work must be done. America cannot do this alone. The Afghan people need our troops and your troops; our support and your support to defeat the Taliban and al Qaeda, to develop their economy, and to help them rebuild their nation. We have too much at stake to turn back now.

This is the moment when we must renew the goal of a world without nuclear weapons. The two superpowers that faced each other across the wall of this city came too close too often to destroying all we have built and all that we love. With that wall gone, we need not stand idly by and watch the further spread of the deadly atom. It is time to secure all loose nuclear materials; to stop the spread of nuclear weapons; and to reduce the arsenals from another era. This is the moment to begin the work of seeking the peace of a world without nuclear weapons.

This is the moment when every nation in Europe must have the chance to choose its own tomorrow free from the shadows of yesterday. In this century, we need a strong European Union that deepens the security and prosperity of this continent, while extending a hand abroad. In this century -- in this city of all cities -- we must reject the Cold War mind-set of the past, and resolve to work with Russia when we can, to stand up for our values when we must, and to seek a partnership that extends across this entire continent.

This is the moment when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably. Trade has been a cornerstone of our growth and global development. But we will not be able to sustain this growth if it favors the few, and not the many. Together, we must forge trade that truly rewards the work that creates wealth, with meaningful protections for our people and our planet. This is the moment for trade that is free and fair for all.

This is the moment we must help answer the call for a new dawn in the Middle East. My country must stand with yours and with Europe in sending a direct message to Iran that it must abandon its nuclear ambitions. We must support the Lebanese who have marched and bled for democracy, and the Israelis and Palestinians who seek a secure and lasting peace. And despite past differences, this is the moment when the world should support the millions of Iraqis who seek to rebuild their lives, even as we pass responsibility to the Iraqi government and finally bring this war to a close.

This is the moment when we must come together to save this planet. Let us resolve that we will not leave our children a world where the oceans rise and famine spreads and terrible storms devastate our lands. Let us resolve that all nations -- including my own -- will act with the same seriousness of purpose as has your nation, and reduce the carbon we send into our atmosphere. This is the moment to give our children back their future. This is the moment to stand as one.

And this is the moment when we must give hope to those left behind in a globalized world. We must remember that the Cold War born in this city was not a battle for land or treasure. Sixty years ago, the planes that flew over Berlin did not drop bombs; instead they delivered food, and coal, and candy to grateful children. And in that show of solidarity, those pilots won more than a military victory. They won hearts and minds; love and loyalty and trust -- not just from the people in this city, but from all those who heard the story of what they did here.

Now the world will watch and remember what we do here -- what we do with this moment. Will we extend our hand to the people in the forgotten corners of this world who yearn for lives marked by dignity and opportunity; by security and justice? Will we lift the child in Bangladesh from poverty, shelter the refugee in Chad, and banish the scourge of AIDS in our time?

Will we stand for the human rights of the dissident in Burma, the blogger in Iran, or the voter in Zimbabwe? Will we give meaning to the words "never again" in Darfur?Ê

Will we acknowledge that there is no more powerful example than the one each of our nations projects to the world? Will we reject torture and stand for the rule of law? Will we welcome immigrants from different lands, and shun discrimination against those who don't look like us or worship like we do, and keep the promise of equality and opportunity for all of our people?

People of Berlin -- people of the world -- this is our moment. This is our time.Ê

I know my country has not perfected itself. At times, we've struggled to keep the promise of liberty and equality for all of our people. We've made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions.

But I also know how much I love America. I know that for more than two centuries, we have strived -- at great cost and great sacrifice -- to form a more perfect union; to seek, with other nations, a more hopeful world. Our allegiance has never been to any particular tribe or kingdom -- indeed, every language is spoken in our country; every culture has left its imprint on ours; every point of view is expressed in our public squares. What has always united us -- what has always driven our people; what drew my father to America's shores -- is a set of ideals that speak to aspirations shared by all people: that we can live free from fear and free from want; that we can speak our minds and assemble with whomever we choose and worship as we please.

Those are the aspirations that joined the fates of all nations in this city. Those aspirations are bigger than anything that drives us apart. It is because of those aspirations that the airlift began. It is because of those aspirations that all free people -- everywhere -- became citizens of Berlin. It is in pursuit of those aspirations that a new generation -- our generation -- must make our mark on history.

People of Berlin -- and people of the world -- the scale of our challenge is great. The road ahead will be long. But I come before you to say that we are heirs to a struggle for freedom. We are a people of improbable hope. Let us build on our common history, and seize our common destiny, and once again engage in that noble struggle to bring justice and peace to our world.

Omen?

2008-07-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

Good lord! I am so glad I'm not superstitious, otherwise this shit would have freaked me out.
Check out what I saw as I was walking out of my house this morning.

Estelle Getty (July 25, 1923 – July 22, 2008)

2008-07-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Aww shucks.

My Grandma Margaret who passed away two years ago, always envied Sofia's One-Liners. In fact, i think that show was the only thing we were allowed to watch at Grandmas house. That and Mitzi , her poodle, trying to kill/hump my brother.

McCain/Jindal 08' : Oh god, YES! YES! YES!

2008-07-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Have i told you about Bobby Jindal?

Rumor along the beltway is that this "Rising Star" of Conservatism, is going to be Walnuts' Veep choice! Now, the reasons as far as I can tell, that Republicans refer to Gov. Jindal as a "Rising Star" are that: A. He's not White and B. He's not old. That's right, he's INDIAN, but Catholic. He's actually Crazy Catholic like Mel Gibson, which is awesome because he performed exorcisms on a poor unsuspecting chick he was dating in Grad School.

Even more awesome is the fact that he's also trying to chop off people's nuts!

For those of us who love to watch the Republicans implode with acts of desperation, the choice of Bobby Jindal is a delicious example of how desperate they are to not seem like the Rich, Old, White, Self-Serving, Hypocritical, War-Mongering, Greedy bastards that they've proven to be. Unfortunately for them, Bobby Jindal is fucking nuts and will be seen as a desperate attempt to "appeal" to "younger generations".

Not realizing of course, that the Campus Crusade kids don't really count as "Young" because they didn't have sex or drink in college.

Barry-Hussein: Is there anything he CAN'T do?

2008-07-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Three pointer from Downtown, while yucking it up with our men and women in uniform on foreign soil, with a blindfold and John "Walnuts" McCain biting his ankle.

Joyeux Fête Nationale !

2008-07-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

La Révolution Française - La Marseillaise
by Kronos59

Robert Anthony "Tony" Snow (June 1, 1955 – July 12, 2008)

2008-07-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

White House Press Secretary, the third under President George W. Bush. Snow also worked for President George H. W. Bush as chief speechwriter and Deputy Assistant of Media Affairs. Snow served as White House Press Secretary from May 2006 until his resignation effective September 2007.

He was a shill for one of the most corrupt administrations in American History and still managed to be likeable. He died young, and quickly, a tragedy to be sure, but one can't help but feel that the toxicity of the post he held could not have helped.

Jesse Alexander Helms, Jr. (October 18, 1921 – July 4, 2008)

2008-07-05T01:42:00.000-07:00

Jesse Helms: American Garbage
by KEN LAYNE0

Here's a July 4 history lesson we should print on the back of the American Flag: If you hate long enough and hard enough, you can go to the very top of the Washington garbage heap.

Jesse Helms died today, 25 years too late, but the stench of his rotten career will always linger in the Senate, and over the South.

He was a hero to bigots and the cigarette corporations, a menace to the poor and downtrodden, and a mean little troll whose heart was so wrecked by wickedness that doctors had to patch it up with coronary valves from a pig.

Jesse Helms was an ugly extremist even within his own party. His idea of reconciliation with those who had been dragged to America in chains? Ranting on the Senate floor against a holiday for Martin Luther King, who was gunned down peacefully struggling for the American rights Helms dedicated his miserable life to crushing.

The foreign policy of Helms was no different. Dictators and right-wing death squads never had a better friend than Jesse Helms, who used his control of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to push his own sick version of diplomacy, rewarding monsters with money and weapons from Washington.

His elections were always narrow victories, his campaigns based on motivating just enough angry white racists to the polls to give him another six years of hateful rule.

Fathered by a vicious, racist cop in the rural North Carolina hill country, Helms cowardly evaded combat in World War II by working as a Navy recruiter safe at home in the South. He was too dumb and lazy to graduate college, but mean enough to go to work for segregationist Democrats, where he spread rumors that his political opponents went out with black women, and wrote campaign material like this:

"White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories?"

He drifted to AM radio, ranting against the Negro. He wound up on the local TV news, giving the wingnut commentary at the end of the broadcast. His enemies were the same as always: "Negro hoodlums," the United Nations, "sex perverts," poor people.

For a dozen years he spewed his hate through the North Carolina airwaves, which was enough to -- barely -- win one of the state's Senate seats. He would never win by more than 55%

Once in Washington, Dixiecrat Helms became the new, stupid face of the Republican Party, the party that left behind intellectualism and civil rights and took up the Southern Strategy of pandering to bitter white losers while actively working against that same white working class. Helms was the perfect hack, the kind of lifelong fraud who made his career on the ignorant resentments of the same people he screwed so hard by always representing the mill owners and the tobacco corporations.

He was mean, cheap, petty and unloved. He was the ugliest kind of bigot and a stain on America. Anybody who says different is a liar.

Ken Layne is editor of Wonkette

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forevermore.

Putin on The ritz

2008-07-03T10:56:00.001-07:00

Haha

Polygamist Couture

2008-07-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

From the Salt City Tribune:

""A new clothing brand may be born out of the Texas raid on a polygamous sect.
FLDS women for the first time are offering their handmade, distinctive style of children's clothes to the public through the Web site fldsdress.com.

Launched initially to provide Texas authorities with clothing for FLDS children in custody, the online store now is aimed at helping their mothers earn a living. "

I spoke a friend of mine, an we agree. The more these women are empowered, the more they don't have to depend on their husbands, the more likely they are to leave and seek help.

SAG, AMPTP, AFTRA, WTF?

2008-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we allegedly had a strike deadline today.

Here's a quote from SAG's official statement:

"The Screen Actors Guild Codified Basic and Television Agreements covering television programs and motion pictures expire tonight at midnight. Work will continue and all SAG members should report to work and to audition for new work past the expiration date until further notice from the Guild."

Now here's another quote from the AMPTP:

"Our industry is now in a de facto strike, with film production virtually shut down and television production now seriously threatened. In an effort to put everyone back to work, the AMPTP today presented SAG our final offer - a comprehensive proposal worth more than $250 million in additional compensation to SAG members, with significant economic gains and groundbreaking new media rights for all performers."

Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? How can both sides be so completely unconnected that one claims there's a de facto strike, and the other tells its members to go to work. I know this is all good and fun for SAG and the AMPTP, but some of us would like to sleep at night, knowing we'll have a job in the morning.

Happy Canada Day!

2008-07-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

On this day in 1867 the British Provinces of Canada, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Jeff decided to have an orgy and thusly gave birth to Ontario and Quebec. Unfortunately Jeff died during childbirth, and that's how Canada came to be.

Before that, the Canadians like to claim that they burned down Washington during the War of 1812. But we all know that it was only because Andy Jackson was busy kicking redcoat ass in Nawlins. Besides, if CANADIANS burned down the DC in 1812, then what about that whole Canada's birthday thing we celebrate today, huh? Smarty-pants poutine guzzlers!

So yeah.. err.

Happy Canada day, everyone!

Smile, ya bastards!

2008-07-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Matthew Harding spent 14 months visiting 42 countries in order to produce "Where the Hell is Matt?" Now, Smile.

Mr Fry, Electroboy and Me

2008-06-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Before my career in Talent Management would lead me to exalted heights, there was a time where my days were filled with the uneasy state of unemployment. For anyone, this time can be confusing and stressful. For a depressive it can be absolutely devastating. It was during this frantic job hunt that I had a chance to meet Andy Behrman, who my friend Ben Weiss had identified as "Someone who you would definitely get along with" and who needed an assistant at the time. Hilariously enough, he was right. Andy and I met for breakfast at Nate and Al's one morning and hit it off like gangbusters. Kindred spirits of sorts, and assuredly not someone I should work with. To quote Jack Nicholson in AS GOOD AS IT GETS, "Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here."

The clip below features Mr. Fry and Andy discussing Andy's treatment and his subsequent moment of "It's going to be ok.", something that those living with mental health issues feel may never come until they are adequately diagnosed and treated.

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)

2008-06-23T14:50:00.001-07:00

<

R.I.P

Office Work

2008-06-20T14:44:00.001-07:00

The Great Office War - Watch more free videos

Mars Yields a Surprise...

2008-06-19T19:29:00.000-07:00

CARE TO GUESS WHAT THE MARS ROVER FOUND?

Stan Winston (April 7, 1946 – June 15, 2008)

2008-06-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

I just can't really picture HIM not coming back to life as a gruesome Zombie.

Yet another sad sad loss.

Timothy John Russert, Jr. (May 7, 1950 – June 13, 2008)

2008-06-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

I just saw the news that Tim "Lil Russ" Russert passed away.

As a big fan of Meet The Press, I am deeply saddened.

My personal distaste for Don Imus notwithstanding, here's a hilarious compilation of Tim's appearances on that show.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? II

2008-06-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

Let's begin with Bill Vs. Bill.
If Poppa Bear hates one thing in this world, its an intelligent, well spoken, reputable journalist. So he sends his crony to try to ambush Bill Moyers, and the result is well.. to be expected

Next, Faux news delivers a twofer of retarded racially insensitive pieces of bile. Firstly with Michelle Malkin and some other wingnut floozy referring to Michelle Obama as "Barack's Baby Momma"

And then, the widely panned "terrorist fist jab". Oh, Fox. You so crazy!

And for good measure i thought i'd throw in the demise of crossfire as performed by John Stewart. This is an old clip, but an important one in the history of Custodieting the Custodes.

Gore Vidal’s Article of Impeachment

2008-06-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Gore Vidal’s Article of Impeachment

Posted on Jun 11, 2008

By Gore Vidal

On June 9, 2008, a counterrevolution began on the floor of the House of Representatives against the gas and oil crooks who had seized control of the federal government. This counterrevolution began in the exact place which had slumbered during the all-out assault on our liberties and the Constitution itself.

I wish to draw the attention of the blog world to Rep. Dennis Kucinich’s articles of impeachment presented to the House in order that two faithless public servants be removed from office for crimes against the American people. As I listened to Rep. Kucinich invoke the great engine of impeachment—he listed some 35 crimes by these two faithless officials—we heard, like great bells tolling, the voice of the Constitution itself speak out ringingly against those who had tried to destroy it.

Although this is the most important motion made in Congress in the 21st century, it was also the most significant plea for a restoration of the republic, which had been swept to one side by the mad antics of a president bent on great crime. And as I listened with awe to Kucinich, I realized that no newspaper in the U.S., no broadcast or cable network, would pay much notice to the fact that a highly respected member of Congress was asking for the president and vice president to be tried for crimes which were carefully listed by Kucinich in his articles requesting impeachment.

But then I have known for a long time that the media of the U.S. and too many of its elected officials give not a flying fuck for the welfare of this republic, and so I turned, as I often do, to the foreign press for a clear report of what has been going on in Congress. We all know how the self-described “war hero,” Mr. John McCain, likes to snigger at France, while the notion that he is a hero of any kind is what we should be sniggering at. It is Le Monde, a French newspaper, that told a story the next day hardly touched by The New York Times or The Washington Post or The Wall Street Journal or, in fact, any other major American media outlet.

As for TV? Well, there wasn’t much—you see, we dare not be divisive because it upsets our masters who know that this is a perfect country, and the fact that so many in it don’t like it means that they have been terribly spoiled by the greatest health service on Earth, the greatest justice system, the greatest number of occupied prisons—two and a half million Americans are prisoners—what a great tribute to our penal passions!

Naturally, I do not want to sound hard, but let me point out that even a banana Republican would be distressed to discover how much of our nation’s treasury has been siphoned off by our vice president in the interest of his Cosa Nostra company, Halliburton, the lawless gang of mercenaries set loose by his administration in the Middle East.

But there it was on the first page of Le Monde. The House of Representatives, which was intended to be the democratic chamber, at last was alert to its function, and the bravest of its members set in motion the articles of impeachment of the most dangerous president in our history. Rep Kucinich listed some 30-odd articles describing impeachable offenses committed by the president and vice president, neither of whom had ever been the clear choice of our sleeping polity for any office.

Some months ago, Kucinich had made the case against Dick Cheney. Now he had the principal malefactor in his view under the title “Articles of Impeachment for President George W. Bush”! “Resolved, that President George W. Bush be impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors, and that the following articles of impeachment be exhibited to the United States Senate.” The purpose of the resolve is that he be duly tried by the Senate, and if found guilty, be removed from office. At this point, Rep. Kucinich presented his 35 articles detailing various high crimes and misdemeanors for which removal from office was demanded by the framers of the Constitution.

Update: On Wednesday, the House voted by 251 to 166 to send Rep. Kucinich’s articles of impeachment to a committee which probably won’t get to the matter before Bush leaves office, a strategy that is “often used to kill legislation,” as the Associated Press noted later that day.